recently, i was fortunate to see a show at Madison Sq Garden with 20,000 people on a Thurs night .. then a show at BB Kings the next night with about 500 people.. and then dance with about 100 people in a fabulously dirty basement of a Brooklyn bar to our friends' band on that Saturday night. the stages had gone from a massive end stage to a basement floor. and they were all stellar.

not to be outdone, when i was going home on the subway, a vagabond was wandering around the subway car, singing his heart out for our audience of 20. serenading us, like we had experienced so often.

so the obvious question is.. which performance 'counted' the most? which was the most legitimate, or is it possible that they all on the same level?

one can argue that the international superstar who played at the Garden was the most legit, simply due to the production of the show, the length of the massive world tour, the amount of fans, his notoriety in the media and in music culture, etc.

one can argue that the smaller bands, who pour their heart, sweat and tears into each performance, is more legitimate. they do it for the love, for an escape from their possible mundane lives and jobs, for that hour a night when they feel like kings. they wake up the morning of a show, knots in their stomachs, and look forward to spending the night singing, drinking and being with their friends. they don't do it for the measly paycheck, but they do in SPITE of the measly paycheck. they do it because its what they're meant to be doing.

most every performer is devoted to their craft. rearranges their life around it. its an extension of themselves, to show the world what they're musically made of. that they can reach that high 'c' note. that they can shred on their guitar so well that it makes the ladies scream and the gents wish they were him.

so who is to say that someone's concert isn't as credible as anothers? that their sweat onstage is somehow worth less than a higher-caliber artist? at that moment onstage, to both types of artists, the only thing that matters is producing the best music possible at that time. with the same goal, and at times, the same result, shouldn't the respect of both concerts be the same as well?

whenever i hear Billy Joel's 'Uptown Girl', im 3 years old again, dancing with my mom in our kitchen.

whenever i hear Mariah Carey's Daydream cd, i am instantly 8 years old, having a sleepover with my best friend.

music is so interwined with memories, its quite impossible to have one without the other. sure you can hear generic songs on the radio and not think twice about it, but songs that mean something to you, songs that change your insides just a bit, are so tied to their own memories its hard NOT to be transported back. to the first time you heard it, the era it reminds you of, the person whose face you see when you hear it.

i have a cd for every season. i don't premeditate it, choose it and save it for that season. it just sort of happens. friends will keep playing it, i'll listen to it on roadtrips, pedal down and our feet out the windows. if i close my eyes during king of leon's 'manhattan', im back on the Pacific Coast Highway, the sun so bright and warm i had to wear sunglasses in the car.

so can it change? can your musical memory imprint, something so defined and so finite, actually change? if you make new memories with a cd, a song, an artist.. do the first memories lose their meaning? become a bit more weak, tug at your heartstrings a bit less? or is it possible for the two memories, new and old, to coexist peacefully? for you to bring up either one at will, whichever you desire the most at that moment.

going along with that inquiry, if a song holds a bad memory for you.. reminds you of someone you'd rather forget, of a time when thoughts were not the brighest and your surroundings were not quite what you dreamed of.. can you change those songs to fit the new sun in your life? can you intentionally change the thoughts surrounding those tunes so that they bring a smile to your face, rather than a grimace?

i think the answer will be different for everyone. for me, i believe memories to music can coexist peacefully. MMMBop held a certain meaning for me when i was 11, but it holds another one now that many cleaning sprees around the apartment with my roommates have included the classic pop song. both exist, both meant something.

i dont know if i'd necessarily want to give up a musical memory for another... they both happen at the exact time they were meant to.

when the unfortunate news regarding Michael Jackson broke last week, the world was thrown into a media tailspin. Phones were down, internet was down, people were texting furiously to find out what happened and what was true and what were salicious rumors. one man, one-gloved man, almost broke the Internet as we know it. news stations devoted around the clock hours to every piece of information regarding this tragic story, of a man who was once king of the world, only to fall so greatly in his personal life. the media had every angle to go for, from his family, to his children, to his debt, to his beloved Neverland. and sure enough, they did.

you'll always remember where you were when you heard the news, that is a given. you'll remember your nostalgic feeilngs for him, when, in your earlier childhood, you knew Michael Jackson as the King of Pop in the 80's and 90's. for me, i'll remember the people who were so cruel to him in the past decade or so, believing molestation rumors- which were in fact, rumors, unproven and perhaps untrue- of a man who was so troubled, so traumatized from his childhood, that the boundaries between what were socially acceptable blurred for him (not sexually, purely platonic) and he didn't realize how his actions seemed to the world at large. his childhood was so disturbing, that it made a man cling to normal childhood actions, no matter how weird it seemed to the world.

all he wanted was for the world to love him, without judgement or criticism for things people knew nothing about, but assumed that they knew plenty. he found this in children, ones who would simply spend time with him without passing judgement, something he had experienced since the age of 9.

i couldn't find the words that i wanted to say, how to convey my deep empathy for Michael, for a man who was so troubled that he placated himself with drugs and fantasies to his dying day. thankfully, Rolling Stone said it for me. Please read:

Michael Jackson, Alive and Well

June 26, 2009 6:51 PM

http://www.rollingstone.com/blogs/smokingsection/2009/06/michael-jackson-alive-and-well.php

there have been many a men who saunter up onstage, strap on a guitar, and attempt to connect with the audience before them. attempt to convey their emotions and let the people know how they really feel. most end up using random words in order to have their lyrics rhyme and more than 2 chords are rarely used. their stage banter is seemingly practiced a mere few minutes before, awkwardly in front of the venue's dirty bathroom mirror.

once in a great while, someone breaks through the clutter. they actually leave you wanting to hear more, rather than counting down the minutes to the end of their set. they send a chatter through the audience, an instant judgement- albeit in a positive way- of the heart thats being poured out in front of them.

lades and gents, jesse ruben is a member of the latter category. a boy with a guitar, a dime a dozen in the music industry, he has managed to burst through and actually leave a mark in his wake. his way with words is in the same vein of john mayer (a mutual hero of ours) and they are both lyrical masterminds with the way they present their emotions, experiences and ideas. it is so clear that you leave a show going, 'how in the world did he know exactly how i felt?' and you feel for him as well, as with his experience with the girl who broke his heart three times.. in a month!

go see him for the tunes, first and foremost. go see him for his hilarious stage banter- which is only awkward at few moments far and in between but that only add to the hilarity- and go see him for the feeling that you'll get when you leave. a bittersweet one but still fulfilled.

before i get down off my musical opinion soapbox, i will leave you with this: www.myspace.com/jesserubenmusic. thanks for listening.

i was just reading an article on CNN about Michelle Obama's power and reach. it extends so far beyond America, so far beyond our borders, that it is even a bit hard to comprehend. ladies in far away lands, ones in which women have very few (if any) rights, ones in which darker skin is looked down upon and seen as a sign of weakness (imagine?), they now have Michelle Obama to look at and think, 'that could be me one day'.

today is Barack Obama's 100th day in the White House. for my generation, this is only the 2nd-4th time that we were even allowed to vote for the president, and we already have a black President. how extraordinary- and we are just beginning. Hilary Clinton was a great example of a powerful woman role model- she just ran at the wrong time. the world needed Barack at this moment in time.

if you look at the strides this country has made so far- Obama, more and more states gradually accepting same-sex marriages, etc- it excites me to think about what is next. sure, there are many more problems and many many hurdles to go through. but for my peers, we're so young. and this country has already made so many great strides just in our lifetime. look at how far we've come.

imagine by the time our children are our ages? they might never know the horrors of extreme racisim, when people were literally relegated to sit in certain sections of public transportation. I certainly have never experienced that in my lifetime- and it was happening about 50 years ago. our grandparents have seen SO much change.. from our country's morals, to technology, to women's rights... everything. imagine our kids growing up and simply thinking that gay marriage is perfectly fine? them not having to fight for the right to simply love? them growing up and not racial-profiling, or thinking that someone is different from them simply because of the color of their skin? how silly is that.. someone's skin pigment does not define them as a person.

there's still a lot to be fixed, America. but there's a lot that has been done already. i'm optimistic for the next 23 years.

Growing up, I was mainly exposed only to the big, major label acts of my time. The ones who would have their songs played once an hour on the radio, the ones on the cover of Rolling Stone. In a society before the extent of the Internet was put to use, mainstream media was the only way to hear and find out about music.

My 13 yr old self began to equate labels with success, with bringing music to my ears. Green Day had a record deal, as did the Stones. Jive knew what they were doing- Backstreet was a priority around the offices (at least during the Millennium heyday). Why would a label have an act that they ignored? It didn't make sense to my tween self, so I just assumed that all of a labels roster was important to them.

My friends would go to local shows in the Island punk scene, at tiny venues (I use that term loosely) for 6 dollars a show. I was spending 100 dollars a ticket for shows (spectacles, really) at the Garden and the Coliseum. I was not jealous, not yet. To me, I was seeing people of importance, acts that the public actually knew.

How naive I was.

For every Kings of Leon (who also had to struggle for years before their indie cred lead to the 'bigtimes'), there are hundreds of bands just as talented that will never be heard outside of their circle of friends and already established fans. Why?

Why is it that some bands are heard, throughout the 50 states and beyond, and some are never heard even outside of their borough? Every one of these bands pours blood, sweat and tears into their work. Each dreams of making it- maybe not for the fame, maybe not for the exposure- but just for the fact that if they can make this their career, they can focus on music in their lives. They can bypass a 9 to 5 job that they have to make ends meet and focus simply on strumming their guitars. I would like to think that's the ultimate goal of a musician.. to be secure enough (financially, emotionally) to do what it is that they love for the rest of their lives.

As I grew older, I realized that it is in fact, called the music BUSINESS. Here I was, thinking that these major labels believed in their acts, wanted them to succeed so that they could change people's lives with a simple song. Wrong. It's money transactions to them. They wanted them to succeed so they could collect royalty checks, so their jobs would be saved for another cd/touring cycle. They wanted to show their bosses 'look, i created this band! they're successful!' and once the success wears off, they reliquinsh all credit where once people were scrambling to take it. how easily the mighty fall in the record industry. Someone who was the creme de la creme last year can be tossed into the $5 cd bin before two seasons have changed outside.

Of course, success is all relative. A band could be just as happy touring the North Star Bars and Knitting Factories of the country, rather than the Coliseums. (I personally enjoy the smaller shows over the over the top spectacles of the latters).

Big labels have had a mantra during their lifetimes.. Throw it against the wall and see what sticks. A band has a huge amount of buzz going on around them? Awesome, they'll pour all their energy, resources and time into them. A band is failing to sell out even Irving Plaza? Forget about them. It was hard to see friends get pushed by the wayside, promised to have their songs delivered to radio only to have the street date pushed back month after month after month. Friends who have more talent than the Miley Cyruses of the world, who dreamt about the moment of signing with a label their whole lives.. only to have that happiness vanish once the reality of what was to come set in.

This isn't to say that all successful major label acts don't deserve the time put into them. A lot do. They work hard day in and day out, they lay their heads down on a different bed in a different city each night for long stretches of months, and they sacrifice their personal lives for the sake for getting 12 tunes at a time out into the word. They deserve the attention, they really do. Its just that the smaller acts do as well.

Indie labels have begun to refute these methods... they've learned to cultivate their artist roster, to build them from the ground up. Tour with each other, promote each other. Fanbases tend to similar, so they expose each artist to the same fanbase. New fans are made.

But for the sake of the major label situation... if every musician is putting in the same effort, then why isnt the same amount of efforting being put back into each of them? And thus the mystery of life continues.

my absolute favorite spot out of all the acres in new york city is sheep's meadow. its the largest meadow in Central Park, filled with...... nothing really. just grass, a tree or two, and relaxed New Yorkers. bring a towel, spread out, lay down, and close your eyes.

i don't want to wax philosphical about it, but parks really are the most peaceful part of the city. living in the city, it gets so hectic. its a walk-fast-or-be-pushed type of town, where the continuous hustle and bustle can weigh down on you after years of surviving it. to find a bit of calm, to find a bit of land to yourself.. its glorious.

when its lovely outside, suz and i eat our midday lunch in Bryant Park. one of the most effective ways to break up the work day, i feel. i sound like a PSA but its soo true.

there's nothing too deep about parks in the city.. they're just our little oasises (that can't be spelled right). i swear, the trees block out the sounds of car honks and people's chatter. the smells are wonderful, the flowers plentiful, the happy faces abound. a 10 minute walk through one will do you a world of good.

and check out Sheep's Meadow. bring a frisbee and a friend and perhaps an ice cream cone. you won't regret it.

a year ago today (if you're going by actual calendar date, it'll be tomorrow 3/25), the world lost Stephanie Gotz.

i say the world and not me, not her family, or her friends.. because i have never really seen anyone so universally loved. everyone who knew Steph could claim her as their own and they'd be right. she'd stay on the phone for hours for anyone, listening to them cry or tell stupid stories or make her sing them songs. she'd go see anyone. she made everyone feel like they were a priority in her life- which they were. she knew exactly how it felt to lose someone and she didn't want the remaining people in her life to feel that way.

i first met stephanie when i was 15 years old. i'm going to be 23 soon. she knew me through braces and bad hair. she knew me before I took my SATs and had a cell phone. she knew me when my family still had 5 members and she knew me when i lived in my childhood home.

i knew her through all of that too. i knew how nervous she was for prom. i would be on the phone with her til 3am on schoolnights and she would let it slip that she should really get started on a spanish project... that was due first period. i would tell her that she should get off the phone and go do it....

.. but what if she took that time to do something fun instead? what if she took that time to go take a walk outside in the sun or to listen to just one more song or to dance one more time? what if i talked to her for 10 more minutes? i'd have 10 more minutes with her that I can't have now. if she did all of those things, would her life have been that much more fulfilled? would it have made her that much happier in the end?

hindsight is 20/20 and looking back, i wish i could tell her how much longer she was going to have. how i should've taken the bus to go see her that many more times. how i should've hugged her a million more times. i miss going to her house, i miss walking through her door. i miss throwing ice cubes on the floor for brandi and playing with her pink guitar. i miss listening to bad music in her car and going to Wawa. most of all, i miss her telling me that its ok to cry, that it will get better. she was helping me through my dad's death and told me this: "you have your good days and your bad days. it won't hurt any less but you'll learn to live with it." it makes me so utterly emotional that i now have to apply that to stephanie.

everyone's life was better with her in it. i can honestly say that i dont know a single person who was negatively impacted by her. its so rare in this world to find someone who was so full of light, who made you feel better simply being around her. everyone is in your life for a reason and once that reason is fulfilled, i feel that they move on, one way or another.

steph was in all of our lives for a reason- we each have our own. if the general reason was to make sure that we don't take a single thing, day or person for granted, then so be it. a year ago, the day it happened, people started calling everyone they knew. they ended conversations with 'i love you' and promised to go visit their friends. has everyone upheld those promises? no. people still don't see their friends as often as they should, people still take it for granted that everyone will be there. it takes 2 seconds to send a text. take the time.

there's a line from a song that describes stephanie best:

"that girl had so much love, she'd wanna kiss you all the time."

steph was one of those people who would just come up to you and hug you. she loved everyone so much that she just wanted to be around them.. it was literally overflowing from her and she'd have to hug or kiss you. we ended most every one of our conversations with 'love you!' just because she was that the type of friend that you would do that with. you never ever questioned her love for you because she let you know it all the time.

i used to get mad that people who knew stephanie barely at all or in passing would be so upset, as if it made the people who DID know her seem less geniune in their grief. they couldn't be feeling the same amount of pain, the same amount of heartache when they go to call her and they realize that they can't. when they drive by her exit and have no real reason to get off. but i've come to terms with it and realize that they're likely more upset over the simple loss of someone great. that the potential of having that person prominently be in their lives is gone. how the entire world doesn't ache every day for steph's loss, i do not know. i just know that her friends and family see it and we feel it every single day of their lives. there's peace in knowing that she's with her mom now, someone she missed every single day for the last 5 years of her life. she's happy now.. i feel it.

we miss you fefe.

"And airports
See it all the time
Where someone's last goodbye
Blends in with someone's sigh
Cause someone's coming home
In hand a single rose

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now"

I think that airports can be considered one of the meccas of juxaposition.. think about it. passengers are either coming or going. either leaving it all behind or coming back to what they know.

they are flying in to see their families during the cold holidays, after months of just telephone calls and emails, so excited to finally hug their loved ones, instead of saying their love words over the phone.

or they are leaving, about to go off on their own, about to deal with only phone calls and ichats for the next length of time. maybe its their first time being away, maybe its their hundredth. does it get easier? does the feeling that they feel when the plane taxis away from the gate, when people they love are waving goodbye at them and staying behind, does it get any easier with time and practice?

does the feeling of returning home, of the wide smiles that greet you at the baggage claim.. are those moments any less intense the more times they occur? when your family/friends meet you and grab your luggage for you, when they take the time to come to the airport just for you, so not a moment was wasted? does it become routine or does it make you warm inside each and every time?

landing obviously doesn't always equal going home. passengers could be landing in an unknown land, one that they have yet to navigate. i get a bit disoriented for the first bit of time in a new city, until i learn the ins and outs. airports, for all their continuity (hudson news, anyone?), still have their own uniqueness about them. airports might just be the first step of an unpredictable path for some people.

next time you find yourself in an airport, look around. look at the faces of sadness, the ones that are leaving people behind. and then look at the faces that are so happy to be back with the people they belong to. balance, in its finest form. the yings to the yangs.

whoever thought that these four men: Taylor Hanson, James Iha, Adam Schlesinger, and Bun E Carlos (now collectively known as Tinted Windows) should be able to create lots of music and sounds together was either a certified lunatic or one of the most brilliant minds we have residing on this here Earth.

we shall find out.

someone please go to SXSW to see their showcase  and let me know, in terms of screaming decibels and high notes hit, just how magical it was?

please check out a tune from them, from my place-of-employment's page:

http://www.rollingstone.com/blogs/smokingsection/2009/02/tinted-windows.php

do you ever add music to your ipod, knowing that it will make you broaden your musical horizons and learn more about music in general... and then never listen to it?

you promise yourself you will listen to that cd, perhaps while taking the C uptown, or listen to at least a song while having to walk a few avenues. other people seem to enjoy the tunes, why wouldn't you?

but somehow.. someway... it gets skipped on your iPod. you just HAVE to listen to this other song first, and then you swear you'll go back to that cd...

I am guilty of this very thing. last year, Rolling Stone had a great 50-free-downloads promotion, complete with bands that David Fricke loves and Austin Scaggs rocks out to. Great musical minds, they love what is great. I downloaded all 50, swearing to listen to them all- not to have to love them all, but to give them at least a chance.

my success rate on that endeavor is about a 60%. its just easier to listen to the latest Maine cd than it is to listen to Ferraby Lionheart.

one of the days, i swear, i'll make sure to have listened to all 3500 songs on my iPod. the good, the bad, and the wince-inducing. perhaps it'll make me appreciate the good tunes that much more.

even the Galactic & Juvenile & Soul Rebels Brass Band.

please listen.. youtube, buying the cd (what a lost art form!), however means you would like to use, please listen to Hanson's song 'Been There Before'.

it puts all of our feelings about music and life into words that I can not. about the power of music, the history of it. the way it moves us. and its all set to a rad rhythm and great instrumentals. listen. but very much LISTEN.

"when you can't get through it, listen to it...."

thank you Butch, for the words of Wisdom again.

he's referring to the transplants in Brooklyn, the ones who have reinvented the culture there and are now a part of the cultural landscape. but he's referring to the ones that seemingly act like they've been there their entire lives, who look down upon the next crop of newcomers.

its an interesting thought though.. this melting pot. i have always sort of assumed that the main melting pots occured during the influx of immigrants in the beginning of the 1900s, during the Ellis Island revival. i now realize that its in fact happening on a daily basis in the NY metropolis.

i have many friends in brooklyn... all but two who have moved there from elsewhere. its great to see the borough getting its props after all this time, but it raises another interesting thought.

at what point are you "from" somewhere? if some homies in brooklyn are asked where they are from (at a casual get together, or at a bar, or you get the picture...), when is it ok for them to say "i'm from brooklyn"? at this point, should they still say "yeah i'm from up north but i live here now"? 10 years from now, can they say they're from Brooklyn?

is it when you see the same people walking on your street? when you can smell the air (preferably by the park!) and know that its the air of your new city? when you learn the new tax rate, or when you realize that there are no taxes on fruit and veggies? when you go back 'home' for a weekend to see family and realize that your soul is aching? that you feel weird not knowing if the subways are messed up or not seeing your familiar bartenders that weekend? when you dont see the adorable dog in your apartment building for a few days? when you start raising a family and your spawn can really say that they're from there?

or, does it just become a sort-of melting pot of your own history? you can be from many places i feel... its not as if one disappears from who you are just because you left. its still there, they just might be a bit hidden. i firmly believe that you're made up of everyone who you've met, that they made some impact on you, no matter how large or small. you're not yourself per se, but a mixture of everyone you've known. you learn how to tie a scarf around your neck from this person, someone else taught you what compassion truly is. all a part of you, no matter physically or mentally. is it the same for where you reside? can you ever have a true definitive home?

today is Sunday.

with no religious affliation attached to this statement at all, i feel like Sunday is a day of rest. take it easy. long weekend nights, take it slow on Sunday.

my music listening choices on Sundays reflect that.

wake up with after a fun night with a headache, its the J's that get me slowly going. Jack Johnson right away. a bit of 'Banana Pancakes' and 'Wasting Time'. Move on to Jason Mraz.. John Mayer... James Morrison... Jack's... the list goes on. All mellowish, good to recover with.

friday night, about to start the descent into the inevitable Sunday morning?

has to be British and Stateside power music... Kooks, the Caesars, Big City Rock, Cobra, Friendly Fires, McFly, Hanson, HelloGoodbye... anything that can get you pumped before heading out.

raining out or feeling a bit melancholy? Songs with heavy piano and more emphasis on the instruments than singing usually do it for me. Slow Butch Walker can put me near tears every time. (listen to 'ATL'.. you won't regret it.)

laying out on a beach less than week ago in Cali... i was so content, with just relaxed music. dance music would come on and i would switch it to more songs from 'The Walk' and new Fray. peace.

i like that different kinds of music fit different situations. each song can be so varied from others, with its own story to tell. i love how you can manipulate to your own memories. Mariah's version of 'Open Arms' can make me feel a completely different way than someone else who has listend to it. it brings me back to my childhood home, when i was 8 years old and playing my boombox. each song has your own memory tied to it... its never the same for each person.

a friend and i were just discussing this the other day... she can't listen to a certain album, because of the time period it reminds her of. its a fantastic album and its not its fault at all. but when she hears it, she's instantly transported to a time (and a person) that she'd rather not think about. the same effect happens to me all the time... you can pinpoint where you were in your life, how you were feeling, who you were with.. everything, because of 12 songs.

this equating music with memories... like everything in life, its both a positive and a negative. negative like in the fact that i can not hear A Fine Frenzy ever again, due to the fact where I last put 'End of Days' on a stereo for all in attendance to hear. she's fantastic.. i just can't do it. it can be a positive, like when i hear 'It Was Summer' and can remember that summer with everyone still here.

... what's your rainy day music?

i've been wondering when genres of music became "cooler" to listen to than others?

i have to admit, i would be one of the first to think that the person rocking out at the Rolling Stones concert is prob a bit cooler than the person dancing at the Wiggles show.

but, really, where in our history did people determine which genre is "cooler"? i feel that pop takes suchhh a beating, that its the easiest to make fun of. it could be partly because of some of the prepackaged acts, the ones that seemingly come out on a conveyor belt of sparkles and fake instrument playing. but there are some genuinely good pop-ites, ones that tend to go unnoticed.

essentially, pop just means popular. that's it. the most people liking it at one given time. and if the most people like it, then something HAS to be right about it, no?

location and culture has to do with it... profess your love for country in the city and you'll get some confused looks. profess it in Nashville and no one bats an eye. blast Fiddy up in Harlem and people sing along. play it in a nursing home and the old people might not be too into him rapping about partying like its your birthday.

i guess its all relative, this level of coolness of music. depending on each person's own opinion of what they like, what they perceive to be current and influential. i find myself guilty all the time of judging music... it is a field filled with so many opinions (you listen literally based on what you think is great) that its impossible NOT to think less of some music than others. your feelings are so extreme because music heightens all of them, the good and the bad.

i feel like sometimes people MAKE themselves like music, to make them feel more cultured, more indie, more "in the know". "the new kings of leon? so stellar!" or liking musician's friends, simply because they're their friends and in hopes of getting closer to the aforementioned musicians.. hopefully, most people stick to what they actually like :)

i'll try to think twice before i judge the next time i make fun of people dancing to the Cheetah Girls. if the music is "cool" to them and they're having fun dancepartying... does it truly matter what i happen to think?  (no.)

at any given time, there are over 6 billion people in this world. almost 300 million in this great country we live in.

this is going to come out pessimistic at first but hear me out. everyone thinks they are unique, that they are somehow different than other people in their demographic. how often is this true? stastically, it'd be near impossible if everyone truly WAS different than each other. there's only so many clothes you can wear, only so much music you can listen to. every thought you've had, someone has probably thought it before. your friends shape you and quite often, you share the same interests. there are already a few people who are quite similar to you. nearly everyone can be categorized into some stereotype, someone whose actions can be accurately predicted.

you're unique to your own world of family, friends, colleagues... everyone who knows you exist and who coexists along with you. that if you were to leave, they'd feel a hole for a very long time. that's what makes you unique.

so how does one stand out in this great world of ours, overcrowded with people? how do you get through it, being more than a face in the crowd, more than just another person on the subway reading a book? more than another face at a concert, more than another person walking on Broadway?

i guess the most popular answer would be to become world famous, have everyone know who you "are" (i use that generically... we don't know celebrities, the public just likes to think they do). stand out from the 6 billion faces that surround you with help of the media, your talent and having more people know YOUR name, rather than the names of most other people who walk this Earth.

i don't quite think that's the answer... it can help sure, but how many Marilyn Monroes ripoffs are there? She became an image, a THING, not a person anymore. we didn't truly know her, we knew what she looked like. we see someone with blonde curly hair and a deep-cut white dress and think Marilyn. she became unique only that we now associate people we see with her, if they happen to share some of the same characteristics.

on the musical side...

The Beatles would be the closest thing that I could think of to being unique... I truly believe there will never be a SINGLE act that the entire world, in unity, believes to be the best thing to happen to music. they were insanely talented, yes, but it went way beyond that. they came around at a time when the world could grasp onto the same thing, when we agreed with Europe and all 6 billion people (albeit a few) fell in love with their shaggy hair and lovesick lyrics. the whole world wanted to hold their hands. whether you like their music or not, you can not deny the sheer impact they had.

it won't happen again. our kids will not agree with us on a musical artist like we agree with ours about the Beatles. in this day and age, could you truly point to an artist who is so unique and so universally loved as the Beatles were? I can't. acts are too polarizing these days... there are just too many. our parents can't tell the difference between the Kanyes and the Jay-Zs and we can't tell the difference between the crops that keep getting manufactured at Disney.

Madonna seemed unique. then came Britney. Whitney seemed unique and talented and that no one could touch her..... and then came Mariah.

and so it goes.

i made a New Years resolution last year that I've pretty much stuck to... "Never get caught out in the rain". Its a simple one- just bring an umbrella (or have one handy at home, the office, etc) so I never get caught without one. I only failed a handful of times, so I consider that a pretty good success rate.

i'm still on the fence as to whether or not New Years resolutions are a tacky, bad, or good thing.

as with anything in life, you have your advantages and your drawbacks.

advantage- it FEELS like a new beginning, a fresh start. you can use it as motivation to get yourself to obtain goals that you've wanted, things you've wanted to do. it can get you up off your butt and doing things.

drawback- its literally just another calendar week/month/day. just the last number at the end of 200? has changed.

advantage- gyms are cheap!

drawback- its so cliche to walk into a gym on Jan 1st.

I'm stoked to spend NYE tomorrow with loved ones. isn't that what really really matters? that you're surrounded by people who you care about and who care about you. that's all. you can drink anywhere, you can dance party anywhere, but unless you're with the right people, it doesn't even matter.

my goal is to stay out until we see the sunrise. the first sunrise of the new year. BRING IT ON 2009.

went to see Friendly Fires last night at a 100 room venue.

British. more energetic than most acts I've seen this year.

RADICAL.

i went mainly on a suggestion of a coworker. i listened to a few songs, liked it, but didn't 'study up' before their show, as suz likes to do. my friends were in the same boat as i.

we didn't stop dancing the entire show from behind the DJ's spin tables.

they were so infectious, so loving being up there and singing. the lead singer was dancing as hard as we were. even during their 'ballad' (which wasn't a slow song to most bands), he did his awkward ballad dance. it was lovely.

it was great to not know their names, not know their ages, or their favorite colors, or even the names of most of the songs. we went in cold turkey, had a feeling that we would thoroughly enjoy them and came out loving them. just music. simply and completely, just the music.

michelle's hair was hipster straight when we walked in. it was wavy when we walked out. thats how much energy and body heat and sweat was in that room.

it was stellar.

choice words from Mr. Mraz.

its an interesting concept. can you create your own reality? and if so, IS it reality? (very Matrix-y, i know.. bear with me.) say something terrible happens to you... but you choose to work through it and keep happiness in your life. are you truly happy or is it some sort of alternate reality that you are trying to fit into your life? what's truth in that case?

i absolutely agree with his words to an extent. there are people in my life who i want to scream at and tell them that they are making themselves freak out, that they can be so happy if they wanted to be. and how many times have you gone out and friends are fighting or the bar is super crowded and everyone is miserable? if you choose to be upset and mad, you will be. if you choose to have a great time, you can. its a matter of choice.

BUT, when it comes to emotions, it's a hard thing to just decide how you'll feel and stick to it. emotions depend on your enivronment, everyone around you and who you interact with. you can't control all those things, thus not controlling your emotions totally. you can filter them a certain way, step back and realize that all is not bad, that something that seems like a curse can actually be a blessing. there will be things in your life that happen to you that are completely beyond your reach, that you can't influence in anyway but affect you so greatly. when it comes to these instances, i can see myself choosing happiness but not getting it right away. Mr Mraz's words should have an asterik next to them.

i'm talking in circles, i know. but these 12 words made me think a bit. i think that Mr. A-Z is referring to people having to take responsibility for themselves and how they view the situations they're in. its SO easy to be angry and put the blame on others, to be bored and say that there's nothing to do. but there are things to do... its you that's stopping yourself from going out and seeing that. you are choosing to be bored, the same way you are choosing to hold the anger in and let it waste you away.

choose love. choose happiness. choose laughter. no one is stopping you from doing otherwise.

go down to Little Italy and see all the holiday decorations. you'll be happy you did.

bought a baby Christmas tree the other night after the V.Weekend show. more people talked to the roommate and I on the subway than ever before on the way home. the holidays brings out that spirit in people, I think. the living room smells stellar and its finally feeling a bit more like the holidays...

our Italian restaurant threw up Christmas....

So we were on Houston last night, checking out a friend's show.

Decided to swing by Angels & Kings, to meet up with some homies.

Balloons are outside. Was a birthday party awaiting us?

Walk in... its a winter formal, complete with hanging snowflakes, silver streamers and people in lovely dresses and suits. And peeps taking pictures with an Elvis cutout in the corner.

A bit underdressed in our bomber jackets and simple dresses but what can you do? ....... YOU DANCE.

80's music mixed with the modern-music that samples it. Stellar. Good job, Rob.

Brittany and Linds got me to dance to Phil Collins. Remarkable job, Brit.

Brendon Urie can't really dance but looks good trying. 

Alex Suarez from Cobra creeps in the back of pictures, such as OOC does. I'll edit with picture proof later.

Go on Tuesdays just for the Venom drinks. Trust. Tell Jesse the bartender I sent you.

I think the most important part of today, World Aids Day, is the WORLD part.

It is a disease that affects everyone. No matter your race, gender, sexuality, intellectual level, class, income... it affects everyone. Granted, it is more rampant in some areas than others, but everyone deals with it.

I am usually not a fan of "awareness days"- there are too many and it diminishes the impact of the important ones- but today is one that I fully support. It is something that brings everyone together. I walked into my office building this morning and saw the huge Starbucks sign, about their donations to the cause today. I shall buy a peppermint mocha later on. So many places are doing their part, little by little. And it adds up, it really does.

It makes me happy that people in faraway lands are supporting this day, raising their voices and concerns. It must make people who unfortunately have this disease feel less alone, that the 6 billion people in the world are coming together to try and fight for every single person that has it.

I feel that sometimes, diseases are "in vogue"- it is trendy to care about the environment, it is trendy to support cancer, etc. See: Lance Armstrong's yellow bracelets, Al Gore's multiple and ongoing attempts to rectify this enivornmental crisis that we are contributing to daily. The public's attention wanes quite easily and diseases and causes are pushed away from the forefront in exchange for others.

But World Aids Day reminds people yearly about the lost voices of AIDS victims- and more importantly, of their cause that is not yet forgotten.

hmmm the holidays. a tricky time, indeed.

on one hand, its a time for family, friends, assorted loved ones, christmas songs, tree and dreidel (?) shaped cookies, stockings, freezing weather outside, tons of eat-ables in the office, shopping crowds, etc.

on the other hand, its a time for reflection. who is here to spend it with you, who is not. i pass the homeless on the street and yearlong, i feel bad. but i especially feel bad during the holidays, when it is so bright and cheery outside and all around them, yet there they are, not a soul in the world to care about. its such a juxaposition that shouldn't be happening.

in terms of "going home for the holidays", the dilenma that a lot of people have as they grow older belongs to the title of this here blog- when does your home change and how? i've lived on my own for a few years.. is my mom's house still my house? she's in a new one since I moved out, so technically, I've never lived there before. but she's my family and i can live there anytime i want/need to, but is it my house? "home is where the heart is" but my apartment has been my home for years now. when i come home at the end of the day, i feel like i AM home. when did that change? when does it change between just visiting your family or going home to see them?

i think everyone should use the holidays as a time to realize just how much they have and to know that it is enough. you have love in your life, that's brilliant. you have family and friends, consider yourself blessed, no matter who is missing. with love in your life in any form, you're never alone.

volunteer this season. spread some cheer. knit something rad and donate it to a women's shelter. a homemade gift can make them feel thought about again, regardless of who made it. too many people will be alone these holidays.. do your part to keep the number as low as possible.

and decorate your home as rad as can be :)

last night at the WTK and The Academy show, I saw a ton of fans wearing those band's shirts. which makes me happy (fbr got monies!) but at the same time, sad. have concerts changed for the teen set that much?

concert etiquette 101 teaches you to NOT wear the shirt of the act that you are seeing. doesn't everyone know this? you can tryyy to be funny and ironically wear of someone in a completely different genre (ie, a Slipknot shirt to a Faith Hill show), or go the more common route- get a shirt from an obscure-but-trendy-band and wear that, so it looks like you have more musical knowledge than the FUSE-loving crowd that is surrounding you.

but to wear the shirt of the act you are singing along to? Fashion faux pas... or have the times just changed?

it was one of those things that was just always there. regardless if you watched it or not, you knew that TRL was on after school, counting down the same videos, having the same wild antics every day... it was just there.

its changed over the years- videos rarely got retired (what was the last one to do so, anyway?), they pretaped half the shows each week... etc. but it was there.

when I was 12, it was a big deal if 'I'll Never Break Your Heart' was higher than 'Tearin' Up My Heart'. A bit embarassing, but I won't forget that.

My life has changed in every aspect since I was 12. TRL was a constant.

When I heard that it was ending, I wasn't upset, I wasn't crying.. just kind of apathetic.

Then i watched the last show last night and actually felt so nostalgic, a bit emotional. I think it was the past clips that they were showing, the fact that they brought back Carson.. I'm not sure.

It wasn't so much that TRL itself was ending, but the end of an era. It was just always there, always. Change is so hard to deal with, even with something that is not actively in your life anymore (.. when was the last time I watched TRL? I couldn't even tell you, I can't remember).

Bye bye late 90's teen pop era. Here's to finding you a new home.

..... for helping to restore my faith in music.

I've listened to Butch on cds and records and cassettes and 8 tracks for about 3 1/2 years. I thought I was satisified with that level of involvement- listening to his easily relatable words, bouncing around to his guitar solos, etc. I thought I was fine.

I've heard from many friends how seeing him in concert is almost like a religious experience of sorts- including one of our favorite TOL bloggers, Ms Cabo. I didn't disbelieve them, but I just never made it a priority to see him when he came to town, so it just never happened.

I went last night to the Blender to see him. And my musical life will never be the same again.

he was supposed to be on from 9:45-11. the musical awakening had him onstage for almost 2 hours.

He comes out, sits down at the piano, and just starts singing 'ATL'. Everyone in the room- which was made of 99% people who were older than Suz and I- just shut up. And listened. What a concept!! What a radical concept at a show.. to actually LISTEN. I tore myself away from Butch long enough to look around and noticed everyone's mouths just slightly open, gaping at this crazy musical genius that was before us. Radical.

He then launched into songs on the geeeetar, just himself onstage. Everyone listened to the verses and then sang along to the choruses.

He made banter during the set, keeping us entertained when he wasn't blowing our minds with his near-perfect voice or intense-yet-delicate piano playing, with his fingers flying everywhere but his gaze stone-cold to the audience.

I'm fortunate to go to a lot of shows, some better than others, given my location. I usually come out of them going, 'wow that was so good!!' (ie: Hanson, etc). This one was... different. My friend and I left going, 'he literally almost changed our perception on music, restored our faith, etc'. It was one of those rare times when even if you didn't know the song, you hung on every word that he said and every note that he hit. It was as if you just knew that they were so important to listen to.

I feel somewhat bad for the act that has to follow him in my life... Kings of Leon and We Are Scientists should do a somewhat adequate job this weekend. Lets hope.

Songs have come out in the past 6 months. It jars me to think that he hasn’t heard them. I hear songs from our childhood and think, he knew this just as well as I did. He could sing along to it just as loudly as I could. This new song, he never knew. A huge summer song that is part of everyone’s life and pop culture knowledge, he doesn’t know. He’s out of the loop. I’m so used to him being in.

I had given him a scarf for Christmas. It made its way back to me, by a mix of fate, God and my mom, within two days of him passing. I wore it and slept with it for days, because it smelt like him. That scent eventually faded and turned into mine and now I don't have anything.

A baby cousin was born a few weeks ago. He won’t know him. He can’t share in the joy that comes with birth, that which is life’s balance to death. We all mourned him and now the same people are celebrating a new face and a new life.

I start to feel a bit spoiled, that I am still experiencing everything when he can’t. I am seeing the sun come out for a week at a time, I still get to dance in the rain. I get to new Guns n Roses’ cd, one which he would’ve loved to hear… he can’t. I get to hug my mom and call her. He can’t. I can drive a car, one of his favorite things to do. He can’t. Survivor’s guilt?

I know, I know.. “He can still see that movie and hear that song. He can visit my mom whenever he wants to. He’s in eternal sunshine”. It’s not the same. It helps... but it’s not the same. We talk about the people who are left having to adjust, but what about the other way around?

Last weekend, friends and I went to see Backstreet. If you knew anything about the incredible Steph Gotz, you knew how much she loved Nick Carters tummy and bum. So it was with a bittersweet feeling that we were seeing them, when Steph wasn't there to dance to Larger Than Life.

So we pull up to the arena and what do I see on all the barricades absolutely surrounding us, set up to make lanes into the parking lot? The initials SMG, stenciled on every single one. Steph's initials, all staring me in the face everywhere I looked. A huge "Hi Adele, love Fefe" surrounding me.

My immediate reaction was shock and then relief. Steph was with us that night, in an undeniable way. I've gotten signs from my brother before, but not really from Steph. I guess she was waiting for a huge entrance.

With losing loved ones, everything from them gets cut off immediately. When you lose someone important in your life, you're expected to feel this enormous grief for the situation all at once. It's impossible for you to know just how empty your life will be without that person in a matter of hours. When the tragic happens, it could've not. You could just not see that person for a day or two, or their phone could just be turned off.

The enormity of it comes later on, when you go to call them for the first time and you realize that you can't. When you have to make holiday plans that don't include them. When you pass their exit on the highway and you realize that you can't just get off and go see them. When they'll no longer throw ice cubes on the floor for their dog or brag about their car.

It's not so much that people leave us, they're just there in different ways. In the rain, in that laughing child, in the breeze when you're walking all alone. You have to adapt to talking to them and them not talking back. The good thing is, you can talk to them all the time and they'll always be able to hear you. It's a bit disheartening when you have to imagine their responses sometimes but it gets easier with time. After all, you gained an angel.

You always remember it. You know where you were when 9/11 happened, your grandparents know where they were when someone took JFK from us too early. Now, you will know where you were when this great country of ours decided enough was enough, did an about face and elected Barack Obama.

I was with loved ones. Suz and I were at the Cute is What We Aim For show, upstairs with all my friends from FBR, a big group of family. We were so excited and anxious that whenever any news hit, we ran around our section telling everyone. 'Barack won  Pennsylvania!' 'Barack won Ohio!' A great show was going on but no one could concentrate on Secondhand Serenade when our country's future was at stake. AJo called with the update from Ohio, her home state that her and her family worked so hard to get Obama elected in. CNN kept texting with other updates. I love this information wonderland that we live in.

When the actual news hit, my phone started going off with simple 'AHHHHH' texts and Bloomie calling me to give me the life-changing news. Shaant and I immediately hugged and almost started crying, as we had both been so scared of how the rest of America was going to vote and if we would get out of this 8 yr perpetual nightmare. Everyone had massive smiles and sighs of relief. This whole ordeal was over.

We then all hightailed it to Union Square, where there were literally thousands of people shouting “Yes We Can!” and various Obama chants. We wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else. At one point Suz looks at me and goes, ‘We’re all going to remember this for forever”… and she is completely right. Everyone who was anywhere will always remember it. For the endless crowd of us in Union, we will always remember waving the American flags around, joining the conga lines, having cars honk at us as they drove by- everything. I’m sure that there are still people out there, not wanting to leave the celebration.

Living in New York, I live in a distorted bubble. Everyone here is very open-minded and for the most part, Democratic. My peers are young and Obama-minded and I haven’t had much experience going face to face with McCain supporters. I’ve had to rely on the news and various trips outside of NY to see the full impact. That is why I was so wary about how America would vote- I didn’t know how Virginia was going to react to Barack, I didn’t know how the blue collar workers in PA would vote. I could only have, as Barack loves, hope.

I feel slightly spoiled that we get to have Barack for at least the next 4 years. I will listen to all his televised speeches, instead of trying to find aaanything else on tv, such as with Bush. I know he's 'untested' but it simply means that he's not jaded. Bush had 'experience' and look where that got us.

He won't be perfect, he can't be. Listen to his speeches and you'll see that he doesn't promise that- in fact, he embraces the fact that he won’t be flawless. But he’ll be what we need and he’ll be the change that America can not survive without. The path we’re on right now is so horrid that anything different would be better- and now, we have the best leading us down the new road. Can January 20^th come any sooner?

This election has been electrified by a fresh, never-before-seen candidate, but at the same time, it is something we have seen before. Through the media and the images we are bombarded with, this campaign may very well be won on television.

Go back to 1960 for a second. Up until then, presidential debates have only been on the radio, where viewers could hear their future leaders but not see them. Biases were formed by the words they were saying, by their accents- solely on words.

Then along came JFK and Nixon and with them, televised debates. The public was a bit shocked to see just how old and frail Nixon was. He didn't make people feel comfortable and safe, like JFK did. Kennedy spoke with such ease and comfort that the people of the nation immediately gravitated towards him.

This is recurring in this election. Barack Obama is so comfortable, so entirely sure of what he is saying, that America has simply grown to trust him. He looked at the audience during the debates, as well at McCain when he was speaking. Meanwhile, McCain scoffed, rolled his eyes and barely glanced at Barack. Obama's poise and posture is seemingly made for tv.

During the town hall debate, the one that McCain was supposed to win singlehandily, he faltered. Through no fault of his own, his war wounds were apparent in that he can't raise his arms, he walks around awkwardly and so forth. It was enough that almost all media outlets reported and commented on it.

That's not to discount the countless number of viewers who watched and listened to all of McCains points and arguments, without discounting him solely because of his appearance. As well as the viewers who can see past Barack's style and see that there still is real substance underneath. Sometimes, his eloquent speaking and other attributes overshadow his vast knowledge of our country and the world, among other things.

The way a candidate speaks and presents himself shouldn't, by all means, detemine an election. It should be based on the man (or woman) themself, their intellect and ideas on what is best for our country. But in a day and age where each candidate is photographed and videotaped nearly every moment of their campaign, and every single mistake and move is documented, appearance will count for something.

Make your voice heard on Tuesday. And take your 'I Voted' sticker to Krispy Kreme to get a free delicious calorie-loaded doughnut :) May we wake up on Nov 5th with the right change in the office. 

Please explain how, out of the millions of people in New York City, I can see Mark Ronson multiple times in different locations.

The first few times were in Union Square. Understandable, because I spend a lot of time there. I assume he has an apartment close by. Whatevs. You tend to see people in the same locays a lot.

But then, we're walking on Houston St last night and lo and behold, who do I see? Mr. Ronson. Speaking in his lovely British accent with his lovelier fall coat on.

I've been doing this a lot, seeing people I know in the streets. I wonder if its just coincidence or... well, what else WOULD it be? I think fate has more important things to do than to have me walk by certain people on the city sidewalks.

Stop stalking me, Mark. I'm not sure what the laws are in England but here, they're in full effect (whatever they happen to be).

Next blog soon. More thought-provoking than Mr Ronson.

I equate this to the first day of classes. You write down your information on an index card, stand up, introduce yourself and usually have say "one interesting fact about you". Everyone is either worrying too much about their own turn or relieved that they made it through theirs, to pay attention to yours. Ergo, you could reference Wham!, talk about the few years you spent in the circus or demonstrate some gnarly ninja skills, while the class absentmindly doodles or thinks about why that boy hasn't texted back yet.

Taking that into account, I'll try to make this Hello blog as painless and frill-less as poss. Please keep in mind that my future blogs will be filled with more worldly matters than myself.

I'm Adele. I've never not lived on an island. I haven't been a teenager for a few years. I've been bred music into my soul since I was born, thanks to a certain Mrs Connolly that danced around with my 3yr old self on kitchen tiles to the Rolling Stones.

I've successfully graduated from worrying if the members of my favorite boybands are married to caring why songwriters put a bridge here and not there, as well as enjoying 50 people capacity venues more than the Garden. That's not to say that I didn't have a smashing time at the Spice Girls reunion concert earlier this year.

You might be wondering about what music industry experience that I've had. I interned for Rolling Stone magazine, as well as the incredible record label Fueled By Ramen. I'm very glad to say that both experiences did not turn me off of the music industry, but rather taught me many different aspects of the egnima that it is.

During those times, I did everything from running city blocks in search of cranberry juice for Snoop Dogg to starring in a Panic at the Disco Youtube video. I loved the creative environment of both offices and the fact that literally anything could happen everyday (see: babyshopping for Entertainment Tonight producers to weekly Friday afternoon Nerf gun fights.)

I now work at Us Weekly, which is in the same offices as Rolling Stone. The office is so integregated that we work together on an almost daily basis. I love that my job is an adequate fusion of my two loves, music and the entertainment industry.

I like to dance in rain puddles. I take too many pictures  I like to eat mac and cheese. I think that it's weird that I did not have a first-day-of-classes this fall. And most importantly, I'll try to contribute to The One Love to the best of my capabilities. Thanks for having me :)