Steph says hello.

Last weekend, friends and I went to see Backstreet. If you knew anything about the incredible Steph Gotz, you knew how much she loved Nick Carters tummy and bum. So it was with a bittersweet feeling that we were seeing them, when Steph wasn't there to dance to Larger Than Life.

So we pull up to the arena and what do I see on all the barricades absolutely surrounding us, set up to make lanes into the parking lot? The initials SMG, stenciled on every single one. Steph's initials, all staring me in the face everywhere I looked. A huge "Hi Adele, love Fefe" surrounding me.

My immediate reaction was shock and then relief. Steph was with us that night, in an undeniable way. I've gotten signs from my brother before, but not really from Steph. I guess she was waiting for a huge entrance.

With losing loved ones, everything from them gets cut off immediately. When you lose someone important in your life, you're expected to feel this enormous grief for the situation all at once. It's impossible for you to know just how empty your life will be without that person in a matter of hours. When the tragic happens, it could've not. You could just not see that person for a day or two, or their phone could just be turned off.

The enormity of it comes later on, when you go to call them for the first time and you realize that you can't. When you have to make holiday plans that don't include them. When you pass their exit on the highway and you realize that you can't just get off and go see them. When they'll no longer throw ice cubes on the floor for their dog or brag about their car.

It's not so much that people leave us, they're just there in different ways. In the rain, in that laughing child, in the breeze when you're walking all alone. You have to adapt to talking to them and them not talking back. The good thing is, you can talk to them all the time and they'll always be able to hear you. It's a bit disheartening when you have to imagine their responses sometimes but it gets easier with time. After all, you gained an angel.