Fuck Cancer.

Over the past year my father has been traveling to a hospital in Northern New Hampshire where he's done tests, and some uncomfortable out patient procedures. The only information I've been given about these visits are sugar coated and very vague. My family has always been hugh-hush about situations like this and because of that I can understand more from the silence than I could from any doctor.

I was upstairs cleaning when the call came in. I could tell from the change in my fathers voice when speaking to the doctor that it wasn't good. My father was now officially diagnosed with Prostate Cancer and the reality of the unknown was now clear. When the phone call ended my mother and father had a brief discussion about visiting the hospital to have meetings, and being sent treatment information. Their conversation couldn't have lasted more than 2 minutes and ended with an optimistic, "we'll just wait and see". There was no discussion with me, my brother, or any of the family about the news .. like I said before, it was just assumed that we all knew.

The news has been weighing on my mind reminding me of the times I visited my grandfather in the hospital when I was younger. Because I was so young I never truly understood why he was there. It wasn't until he passed away last May that I found out why I spent so much of my childhood in hospitals. I knew he was sick, but his passing unveiled a history of colon cancer, and breast cancer. He was a surviver, and now my father was going to have to face that same road.

I was told his cancer is very slow moving, and that's good. I've also overheard he will be making decisions about treatment in the upcoming weeks, and months. My best friends mother thinks I should attend these meetings, but I'm not sure I can take that much reality. Being able to understand the severity of cancer, and the sickness that can come with treatment I'm scared. I'm not five anymore, and I know that there's going to be a time when I see my father completely terrified. It doesn't help when I hear my mother say things like, "daddy might lose a lot of weight, so we need to keep feeding him well" or my grandmother (who's husband survived two types of cancer) say, "your dad's going to be very sick". It's not fair.

I am going to remain positive and take it day by day. My heart goes out to anybody who has had to deal with cancer in any aspect of their lives.