Ok, so I was watching Grey's Anatomy last night which I never do because somehow it always manages to make U feel more than U want to. And maybe it's just me but that makes me uncomfortable. Anyhow, Izzy Stevens has stage 4 cancer on the show and McDreamy was going to operate on her brain to remove the tumor (of course). She survived the surgery of course. Yay!

See the funny thing about Grey's Anatomy is how much it mimics real life. Sure, I'm not a doctor nor have I ever dreamt of being one but the doctors and interns of Seattle Grace deal with the same everyday occurances that normal ppl do on a regular basis. Boyfriends. Girlfriends. Falling in love. Being scared. Marriages falling apart. Infidelity and o yeah sex.

Ah, falling in love. Honestly whatever U do if U can avoid it at all, do not fall in love. It ruins ur life. I was talking with a friend last night via text message and I said to her how the situation with Izzy on last night's episode reminds me of an ex boyfriend. Somehow, the situation made me think of him and all the things I want to tell him but I can't yet. I just can't. I'm not ready. Or maybe I'm ready but I'm a little afraid. Ok, a lot afraid. That's one of the scariest things about being in love with someone. You're completely vulnerable. My friend said that the not falling in love ship has sailed and forgotten her behind. Is that not the best line ever? Sometimes, I wish it had left me behind.

So, It's been a while since my last blog and I've discovered two things. One, I hate my last blog and two, I hate my picture even more. But I'm bloggint tonight because I feel like writing a little bit. It seems I have this really good way of piecing words together and when it comes time to write it down I end up with nothing. Or I end up with something really stupid and meaningless. I hope this doesn't turn into that I hate it when that happens because you end up saying nothing at all. Anyway, I've been looking for a job since I graduated from college in May and have of course found nothing. But I have somehow managed to figure out what I want to do. I've always wanted a job in the music industry not being in a band I don't think I have the stamina for that. But I would like to work for a record label . I think it'd be fun. I always wanted to be a music industry studies major but I found out I had to take piano. Isn't that a stupid reason not to follow through with something; to be intimidated by a piano. But I mean, I couls never play I had to take it in high school. Ew. I didn't want to go through all of that again. So, I'd like to either work for a record label or work from home. I'm not trying to disguise the fact that I'm lazy. I am. I don't really feel comfortable saying I'm lazy I don't necessarily feel like I am I don't know what you call it.  But whatever you call it that's what I am.

What's so wrong with wanting to call the shots, with wanting to be the boss. That's what I want. I want to be my own boss. I want to make my own hours and control when I wake up, when I go in and how long I'm there. Not too much to ask right? I don't think so anyway. So, my second option is to work from home. I'm a pretty decent writer. At least I think so anyway. It'd be cool if I could make money that way. Freelance or something like that idk. I suppose the right thing will come to me. I just wish I knew when it was. Who knows? I wanna be hopeful and I want to have fun with what I do, I want something I'm good at and of course I want to make money. O well. I didn't think I'd blog about job hunting. But it looks like I have done just that. Ew. The only thing id like about bloging is that I always feel like I sound 5 instead of 25. Well, maybe not 5 but I always feel like I sound a whole lot younger than I really am and that makes me feel uncomfortable. Well, I suppose as long as I know how old I am I'm alright.

So, I have to say this is the most talking and divulging about my personal life that I have ever done but it feels nice to get the thoughts and feelings out. I'm not particularly worried about being judged or whatver I mean sure there's a little of that fear there. Sometimes, I'm not sure if the things I write about are relevant to everyone who participates in the op to blog here and in a way it's kind of ambitious to try to appeal to everyone. I don't know all of your stories on here but at the end of the day we're just people and quite a few of the things I decide to blog about many of you I'm sure have been through or going through. I just hope that I hit the nail on the head for some of you and that you take a little something away from what I write about. If nothing else, I guess what I want is for people to know they aren't alone. That if you're feeling a certain something at the moment, I probably am or I have felt it in the past and I know how it feels.

Don't you feel like life ought to come with an instruction manual sometimes? I know I do and even if it did come with an instruction manual most of us would probably ignore it . I probably would but I'd be glad it was there to refer to when I needed it. However, no manual in the world can apply to everyone because we're all different and we all are going to end up doing things our own way especially in the relationship category. Everyone makes their own rules when it comes to them. What's right for one person may not be morally right for the other. Thinking about something someone has told you and may or may not be true is one thing...acting on them is another. I plead no guilt here by any means. I'm not the cheating kind. Never. But I am the curious kind. I'm wondering what to do about something I heard from someone..He's a reliable source; no reason to dobut him. That isn't the problem tho. What is the problem is that I don't know whether or not to do anything about what I heard. You've got to be careful with things like this. And I think you've got to consider all parties. But I don't want to be rude. I don't want the guy who this is about to think I don't like him. Because I do like him. I like him an immense amount but as a friend. I wouldn't mind investigating the possibilities if I didn't already have someone I love very much in my life. I want to make sure he stays there. A part of me. And in my life for always.

And that's what bothers me. The fact that I'm curious about the possibilities.

Post turkey day now. It's officially black friday now. Hope everyone's Thanksgiving was good. Mine was good. It's always nice to get together with friends and family at this special time. But I hate missing people. I just hate it. There's nothing worse. Ok, that may very well be a stretch but it just sucks when you want to be somewhere else and you can't be. Especially when it's with someone you love very much. It just stinks and I hate being sad about it but I am. So, I'm going to bed but I wanted to do a little blogging before I turn in. Goodnight all. Hope your day was enjoyable.

I tried blogging about three different times last night ad I just couldn't get things going. I even tried at 1:00 in the morning. I just finished having a convo with Lindsay via text message and I was all ready to blog but when I got to my page I was like uh...I didn't know if I should blog about the convo or not so I didn't...We were talking about this friend of mine who had just been released from the hospital. He was in a car accident with a friend of his and they both got banged up pretty bad but they're both ok. Thank goodness. I've heard he likes me quite a lot which is cute. I think it's very nice and I mean sure I like him too. We wouldn't be friends if I didn't. But I love someone else. I have for five years now and I can only hope for it to grow into something wonderful.

I am curious as to what he's like in the relationship arena...curious as to how he is when he's on his own and it's just us cause I haven't really gotten to spend that much time with him alone. Especially since I've found out that he's kind of into me. I guess part of me is into him too but it isn't for the right reason. I think when I first heard he was in the hospital I got scared...I wanted to be there and I wanted to talk to him and to tell him how worried I was, how miserable I was not knowing anything...I wanted reports and I wanted updates and I didn't have them. I wanted him to know I cared for him, that he was important to me. His accident and hospital stay proved that. Sometimes you don't realize how good of a friend you have until something like this happens. I guess what I want to say is that now that I know he's alright and that he's alive...I want to be really sure...Gosh that's silly isn't it? Of course he's alive. And of course it's for real. But I think if I do anything...or if he offers and I accept that in some weird way I feel like I'm going behind the above mentioned someone else's back. And I could never do that. I have never been the kind to 'date' more than one guy at a time. I don't think it's wrong really...I guess I've always looked at it as keeping my options open but why? I don't want options..I know where my heart is and I know who it belongs to and when I hear something like this from someone else it confuses me and I don't like it because I don't like wondering what if...What ifs can get you into trouble.

I am trying to get better at blogging and in an attempt to do so am trying to write a blog a week. This will probably be the first blog not to deal with something fashion oriented at least not at first. I'm sure something having to do with the subject will enter in at some point durning the blog. But back to Jason Wade: God Bless the Internet. Apparently he and his band, Lifehouse released an album in 2007 called who we are. I have no idea where I was because I heard no buzz about it. I didn't even know the band was still around. The only reason I knew anything about the release is due to a series of back to back dreams I had about Jason Wade. The dreams prompted me to do a little investigating on the internet. The dreams were so clear and so detailed I could have sworn they were the real thing. Needless to say I was disappointed when I woke up to find no sign of Jason in my house. I was more than disappointed, I was heartbroken. There's nothing worse than waking up alone when you have dreamed a dream as pleasant as the ones I had about Jason. Who knows what it means? I have always believed dreams to be a kind of portal where anything can happen. That sometimes dreams are the only way to interact with certain people you may not be able to interact or be with in reality at present. It's a nice thought. Perhaps that's the case with me and Jason. Then again maybe all my dreams about Jason are telling me is that I need a roomate.

Ok, I haven't blogged in a while mostly because I couldn't think if what to blog about. Then last night while trying to go to sleep, I thought I'll blog tomorrow about something fashion related again. I guess I've sort of made it my own personal task of writing fashion oriented blogs for this site. Hope yall don't mind. I figure it's good practice for me since I plan on studying fashion in grad school. Well, with that decided the only other question I had was what I wanted to focus on. I love accessories. What girl or guy (we all know you're out there) doesn't right? They're super fun and just as unique as each one of us. So, I couldn't decide so I just figured I'd blog about accessories in general and see how that goes.

I'd find it hard to pick a 'favorite' accessory anyway. I recently inventoried my collection of handbags and boy was I shocked when I came to the total! Not counting the ones I had recently purchased. This was quite a while back so I  have to inventory them yet again. It's a lot of fun actually and a lot of work too. I think when I first did my inventory I had something like 45 handbags! I was appalled. I mean I always knew I loved handbags but wow! I really love them! I have to buy them when I see them at a good price and since I am a serial purse changer I figure it's good to get them inexpensive. I have a few designer bags sure...they're some of my favorite bags but I get more compliments on a brown basket weaved handbag I got at Target on sale for a mere $34.95 than any of my other ones! It's a great handbag. Probably one of my favorite ones. In fact, it was very difficult for me to change handbags because it meant I had to stop using that one for a while.

Speaking of Target, I have to tell you all about the fantastic finds I found at Target recently. On Halloween actually, I had gone early with my mom and I being the handbag maniac that I am went to the accessories and stummbled upon a HUGE sale on handbags. They had several for as little as $4.24! Of course, I cleaned them out. Christmas shopping: DONE! Even some birthday presents were bought that day. It's a good day when you can spend under $40 for seven handbags! One of my very favorites (and the one I am currently using) is a huge lime green handbag I got at Target for only....are u ready for this.....$5.74! Yup. The bag had originally cost around $22.99 or something which was a good dea too I thought. I was so excited. I still am. I can't wait to distribute these wonderful gems and see the expressions on the faces and think to myself, 'If you only knew the awesome deal I got on that' It was very hard for me to keep this secret find from my cousin since we're pretty much clones and feel the exact same way about our beloved handbags because yes, she she is definately getting one of these awesome little treausres. It's definately time for another inventory. Looks like my blog on accessories turned in to a blog about handbags. I kind of figured it would. I'll write on another accessory next week. Maybe.

Hello everyone!!! A very special thank you to Cassie Petrey for inviting me to blog on this site. Also, a special hello to my BFF Lindsay!!! I am so excited about the opportuity that I am literally rendered speechless. There are so many things I could talk about but which to write on? It is a tough decision. Eh, no big right? Maybe if I talk enough something of substance will eventually take place. 

 I have recently gotten into berets(love, love, love them) A good beret does something to the self doesn't it? In a strange way it makes you feel dignified and important, artsy but not overly artsy. It's especially tricky to find the right kind of barret with the right kind of cool factor if you are an artist (like myself) because if you're not careful, you'll fall into the common cliche that many people have about artists, mainly that we wear berets and sit in coffee shops all day, wear black and snap our fingers at poetry readings and such. I will admit, the cliches that we artists have to endure are quite amusing. I actually enjoy some of them. They can be fun, I mean how can you not play one of them up when the chance presents itself? Anyway back to the barrets... They have just enough of a cool factor to make you feel fashionable without giving off the feeling that you're cooler than everyone else. Not that all people who berets think that about themselves or that anyone thinks that in general....Um, it seems, I've backed into a corner here. Basically what I wanna say is that berets are awesome!!! The cookier the color the better. I love the way they hang on the head... I love anything that is slinky and slouchy. Kinda sloppy but sloppy becasue it's supposed to be a la Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato. (Speaking of which, I need to change my profile pic) I'd also like to add that I like wearing all black. I wear a lot of it. Who wouldn't? It's ultra slimming and it's ultra cool man... Can ya dig? **Snap, snap**

Well, hope yall lliked the blog!