I am "big" on the New Year's thing. I love the idea of starting with a clean slate...as clean as you can get. It's like getting a new set of season tickets and knowing that the past record can't hurt you this year, unless you let it curse you from within. The scores are cleared, everyone is willing to accept apologies and allow you to recreate yourself in front of their eyes. After 2004, I vowed to never live a few months trapped in my bedroom again. I vowed never to let someone get so deep into me that they took pieces of me with them that were never even up for grabs. I vowed to find happiness and shoot it into my veins. I did just that. 2005 was the best year of my life. I never understood the appeal of summer until 2005. Summer was a time for laziness. It was a time with very little progress where I spent more time stressing about how I looked in a bathing suit, compared to my friends, than spending anytime fixing the problems I was fixated on. I was always yearning to get back to fall and back to school where I thrived. College made it worse; the summers were even longer...then came 2005. The beginning of the year was a whirlwind. After 2 weeks off I couldn't wait to get back to school. I was ready to meet a new roommate, see if the guy that was stringing me along was ready to make it official, meet new people, not be the new kid anymore in my first semester. I knew the ropes and had prepared myself for this year of renewal. I never in my wildest dreams knew it was going to take the shape that it did. 2005 was the year of not judging people around me. It was the year of not being scared of taking chances and not worrying about what other people thought. I somehow had manipulated my own mind and let the past go. The haunting days of middle school had finally erased the idea of what I was from my mind. I didn't think anyone was out to get me and looked at every day and every person that I came across as a new opportunity. The world was mine and I was going to make sure I didn't miss a beat.

I can sit here now, with 2009 blooming all around me, and know that NOTHING that is consistent, or inconsistent as I like it, would be in my life if 2005 was erased from history.

...denied human interaction so i'll indulge in written therapy. i drove the long way home contemplating sleeping on it or letting it all out on this screen. this way usually warrants a better morning. sometimes i just want to cut ties with my muse but i know you're still learning so i'm still in the stages of forgiveness. at least you gave an apology. aren't polite manners the way we're taught to lie and break hearts? i never know if your sincerity is so sincere, but i do know that i feel like i'm stuck in an avril lavigne song that's on repeat in my car. i'm tired of writing pages and pages about you but i hope something else comes to mind so i can keep the words flowing. overanalyzation is my biggest fault and i doubt i'll ever break the habit. Maybe you'll redeem yourself tomorrow but I've lost my ability to channel the positive when it comes to you which is why you can so easily break my heart 3x/day. I find it odd that I'm doing my part to throw you into the world yet I want to keep you close by my side. I don't know if there's a balance you'd ever be happy with, but I've trained for this my whole life and know how to pretend the bad parts are ok and live off of the few amazing moments that probably pass you by without any notice. I don't know if you understand your strengths and I sometimes hope you never do. If you never see how good you could be then I can keep you down enough to enjoy you on my own terms. You're lucky I'm not that kind of person and I'm only going to give you the wings to fly away without me while I keep my feet on the ground bc nobody's around to lift me up. Love isn't always equal and it isn't always fair, but it's wonderful and generous and limitless and nearly always painful. "You are exempt from the price of sin and death, but you are not exempt from the price of love. Love hurts." I've never heard words so true.

maybe it wasn't epic, but it had the promise of a school year after a cruise ship karaoke duet
i may have just experienced the 3 most exciting hours that i've had in years and i'm pretty sure only one person could pinpoint them
i never want moments like that to be over so i pulled in and kept breathing deeply
the beginning of the the lullaby's chorus really is more of an instruction manual on dreaming than a poignant lyric
it seems to work everytime
yawning puppies. wet dreams. i think sleep is just a way to clear our minds and write another song.
when i let go of my inhibitions i feel stronger than i do when i'm writhing on the board room table fighting for power and screaming for attention
will you dance to this beat?
mixed drinks and mixed dreams make a cocktail as savory as my mascara and tears
the windy city hits the tracks and i wish the rain would fall so the cooling sensation could douse my entire body like discontinued bottles of cheap perfume
i don't know why the butterflies in my dreams carry fear on their wings
this ballad sweeps all coordination from my body and all to do lists from my mind and when you sing it i breathe like i'm in chicago
i'll just keep my mouth shut for once and listen
i've never fallen at the mercy of someone like me
i assign myself verses and choruses that remind me of you and they never do the heavy breathing justice
can we go back there? i need to hear you sing
i may stay in this bed all day where nobody bothers me and i'm allowed to close my eyes and remember trying so hard to pay attention to every single note and every single breath
every word you say lingers in my mind
being taken on that long journey, to my own lonely prison where i sit around in solitary confinement, keeping my heart a prisoner that is caged from any real chances, feels like drowning, but fighting to stay under water
i'd slit my wrist to feel like i belonged in that song.
i want to fight for you.
fight the industry.
fight the car crash hearts.
fight myself.
i prove to be my biggest critic, but it's gone beyond healthy competition and is tearing me apart.
it seems that i can only embrace hope in that arena, but some nights it finds a way to fill the backseat
every lyricist says it's never felt like this before, but it never has.
27 made a promise to me and i made a promise to 27.

thanks for picking my pen up off the floor and putting in back in my (right)ing hand

planning my day on a computer screen

banana down. 2 miles to go. let's make it 3? we'll see.

laundry is my least favorite thing to do, but smelling nice takes priority.

late nights. long conversations.

jealousy.

we were born to play this game, but i'm forgetting why it used to be so fun.

if you have what you need, then why embark on my territory?

aren't we all just trying to be happy? trying to find ourselves? trying to put together this lifelong puzzle?
do you believe in fate?

i go back and forth with this one.

i do believe in positive thinking.

i also believe that i'm not as good at it as most people think i am, but if i gave in and stopped, i'd be a total wreck. this is my strongest effort at happiness.

this is a trial and error period with error being most prominent.

do you believe in zen?

i believe in zen tea.

i also believe in starbucks iced coffee at this hour, or at any.

sarcasm and innocent flirting can be misconstrued over late nite text conversations.

there's a fine line, but i'm never afraid to walk it.

life's not worth living if doing it at a distance.

i want to feel love, but until then, i don't want to miss out on pain, misery, mistakes, disappointment, fear, regret or the occasional amazing night.

let's make them all amazing.

let's all stop wanting perfection and start enjoying each other.

let's stop talking about breaking hearts and focus on mending smiles.

let's get to the point where we are happy with our progress and not jaded by our lack of unfulfilled dreams.

if we achieve it all, what's left to do?

in a perfect world, nothing would be perfect.

constant tranquility results in laziness; and that can't be good for a growing soul.

there's no winner without a loser.

there's no happiness without sorrow.

there's no success without being less than that before you achieve it.

what's exciting about an even keel?

what's exciting about a ladder?

everything.

i'm not sure where i'm at, but i am sure how far this reaches and i'm keen on infinite possibilities, just as we all were in 4th grade when we learned that numbers never end.

maybe i'd like numbers better if i learned to count my blessings instead of my wealth.

there's value in us all and value in the things we can never put a price on.

if i started to appraise myself in friends, memories, once-in-a-lifetime moments, songs, laughs, understanding glances, brushes with 'fate,' dance beats, xo's, late night convos, dreams that have come true, and ones that have yet to be manifested, respect, opportunity and the promise of tomorrow; then no matter where i may be, and the fact that the unknown is more exciting and promising than anything i plan my broken hearts around; then i might just wake up each morning with a smile on my face and a dream in my heart that pulls me forth with immeasurable possibility and the chance to smile on those long nights of sore feet, blaring beats slowly deafening my outward cries for attention, smoky rooms, beer soaked shoes, and cheeks laden with muscle pain from a heavy workout of teeth flashing and singing along to every word i live to quote and every line that i mumble through.

i live for the mornings accompanied by a raspy voice and ringing in my ears. for at that time, all is right in my world and i'm ready to compliment yours. xo

drown in your work.

work out.

stop eating.

stay awake.

destroy yourself.

cry me a river.

anxiously dig through your collection for the words they wrote for nights like this.

tonight is alive with the promise of a street fight and you can keep your fat lip away from mine!

too bad that was the secret you were keeping.
who knew this song served dual purposes.

i needed a good break up.

five seasons.

12:54. what do you do here for so long?

i'll just pop a few wonderland pills and everything will go back to the start.

i guess i'll go back to writing about hearts, lies and friends because that's how you put a heart back together again. as always, he still deserves this. xo

...and so, we move on.

i promise i still love you and this won't keep me away too long. funny how things unfold. sometimes the way i handle things amazes me.

i'm good.
xo

many of us fell in love - a love stronger than we ever imagined...and many of us are here today, doing what we do, loving what we love and living for the things that we live for because of 48 minutes and 11 seconds of music that came into our lives on that day.

Most of us have never fallen out of love...

...and that makes you larger than life!

Who is pumped?

Rave below.

GO ADAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xo

i thought you danced on it...but...  

http://cyanatrendland.com/2009/03/18/nothing-agency-have-their-cardboard-office/
one day i will figure out why i can't post videos on here.

i got this from nicholas scimeca's blog. i've become very intrigued by him lately. mainly bc he's living my life, only in my favorite city. imagine how much better i could be if i could breathe chicago air while i was doing it all.

this weekend was tol packed. sat morning we all braved the rain and joined bethany for the CFF walk at the nashville zoo. thanks to ruth and haley and courtney of tol for coming out! we'll be posting pics soon.

after deciding against braving the rain to see mike's pawn shop (<----- check it!), a quick grocery run and a regretful 30 minute nap i pulled myself together and picked up haley so we could meet with kathy streng from autism speaks. honestly, i was expecting a stuffy old lady who would get in and get out within an hour. instead i think we found our charity soul mate. (after the invisible children guys of course) four hours and a few rounds of drinks and appetizers later we had covered autism, the one love, american idol, haley stood on her invisible children soap box several times, i discussed a photo of evan farmer on a bear skin rug and decided to save my sex trafficking soap box for our next chat after haley's inspiring stance on the child soldiers in uganda. we were so glad kathy took the time to meet with us bc we were beyond inspired. in addition, i should mention april schmidt, who works with autism speaks locally, and who has become and great friend of tol and a great friend of the staff. i mean, she brings us doughnuts people! but really, her energy and enthusiasm to raise awareness and money for autism is so inspiring. we are currently helping her plan her 'rock the walk' event in nashville, aug 1. it's moving along nicely and we're getting really excited about the event! click here to read april's blog about local as events in nashville and the upcoming walk.

today caroline and i delivered cuppy cakes to our brave (and hottie) local fire men and local starving artists - have you heard. they're prob not starving, but i saw matt devour 2 cupcakes in a matter of minutes.

so excited about idol this week. i better get to bed soon so i can work out in the am. i especially like the music choice stations and smell of the new floor in my apartment complex 'gym.'




 

listening to your mixtape so i can remember why we're fighting each other and fighting for this all at the same time. remembering how we got here and hoping we get there. xo

Dear permanent jetlag,

Please take me back.
I'm a stray dog sick.
Please let me in.

xo,
Jade

LET'S DANCE!
If you are there and wanna dance, Tweet me @fueledbyjade

I will be the one dancing incredibly bad and enthusiastically and everyone else will likely be staring and pointing. I also may be fighting other kids for drum sticks and guitar picks...ask Cathy about that!

Saturday May 2nd

IMAGINATION STAGE
12:00 - 12:30 THE CAB
WONKA STAGE
12:30 - 1:00 CASH CASH
IMAGINATION STAGE
2:00 - 2:30 FOREVER THE SICKEST KIDS
ZUMIEZ STAGE
2:55 - 3:25 MERCY MERCEDES
or
IMAGINATION STAGE
3:00 - 3:30 METRO STATION
ZUMIEZ STAGE
3:40 - 4:10 HEY MONDAY
WONKA STAGE
4:40 - 5:25 GAVIN ROSSDALE
or
ZUMIEZ STAGE
5:10 - 5:40 DANGER RADIO
IMAGINATION STAGE
6:35 - 7:10 COBRA STARSHIP
IMAGINATION STAGE
7:45 - 8:20 ALL TIME LOW
WONKA STAGE
8:20 - 8:40 LINC'S SPECIAL GUEST
9:30 - 10:45 FALL OUT BOY

Sunday May 3rd

WONKA STAGE
12:10 - 12:40 HONOR SOCIETY
1:10 - 1:40 FAMILY FORCE 5
IMAGINATION STAGE
3:40 - 4:10 3OH!3
or
ZUMIEZ STAGE
3:40 - 4:10 THE WHITE TIE AFFAIR
KAZOOZLE STAGE
4:25 - 4:55 A ROCKET TO THE MOON
IMAGINATION STAGE
5:45 - 6:15 DEMI LOVATO
WONKA STAGE
9:00 - 10:15 NO DOUBT

This morning I cried. I rarely cry out of sadness, but nonetheless it happens from time to time. I felt alone and angry...helpless. Then, I went about my day. I fixed the problems in front of me to the best of my ability and although I'm still in the middle of quite a debacle, and wanted to do nothing more than stay at home and cry my eyes out, I did the next best thing...I made it out to the show! It was a morning show and it made me remember why I do what I do. Doing what I do puts me in many difficult situations, but the sadness I would feel leaving it behind far outweighs any temporary problems that may arise.

I've always loved two things. The first being Jesus and the second being music. Honestly, it took me far longer to learn how to love Jesus than music. My parents could do nothing to stop me once they gave me my first Chipmunks albums as a toddler. I hear the stories now about relatives wanting to take my tape player away to stop me from belting children's tunes at the top of my lungs, and I'm sure my current neighbors feel the same way when they walk past my door. I always loved it even if I couldn't see it or touch it. Ironically enough I had the hardest time believing in something I couldn't see or touch when it came to Jesus. One lyric...one straight-forward cheesy pop tune changed the way I felt. "It's okay to believe what you don't see..." Why did I have such a hard time finding Jesus when I found music so simply? Then it hit me...they were one in the same. It was His gift to me. It kept me grounded. It kept me happy. It kept me optimistic. It led me through all of the tough times an adolescent life goes through and still gets me through heartache after heartache now. It is by far the best gift I have ever been given and through this gift I have learned just about everything that I know.

When you are asked by someone if you have ever been in love, most times this defaults to the love of a person. Honestly, I may have thought so in the past, but I know I never have...not with any person...but those two things I mentioned in the last paragraph. Yeah, I've been in love and will always be in love with them. I have never felt anything close to the overwhelming happiness that many a live show has brought on, in a person. I have never cried bc I loved someone so much. I have never sacrified for a person what I've sacrified for a show. I've never wanted to hug a person so hard like I wish I could do to this untangible thing we call music. I hate sometimes that I can't wrap my arms around it and hold it close to me. I kiss and hug my CD's all of the time. I hold them to my chest and breathe them in. There is a bond there that can't be broken and is uncomparable to any other bond in my life.

Musicians make music and sometimes you find yourself more in love with the shiny paper than the gift itself. Most times you love a band and they don't nor will they ever love you back. It takes a truly genuine person to create unselfish music. The great musicians make music that loves you back. I've only found two bands that I'd ever give this credit to, and today I spent my day with one of them. In the middle of what may have turned out to be one of worse days ever, I left the venue with happy tears in my eyes, looking up and asking how I deserved to have it this good. What did I do to deserve this wonderful gift? In the middle of it all I know that I am genuinely happy and that this gift will live on forever. It's always there for me. It's begging me to dance. It's begging me to cry. It's begging me to love it...and so I do. I can't deny that faith and music are one in the same and my faith in the music gets me through everything! "Tangible" is the most overrated word in the English language.

It really is ok to believe what you don't see...and sometimes you get lucky and the shiny paper loves you back too!

Thanks for this day.

xo

TOP 25 MOST PLAYED SONGS ON iTUNES

1. Don't Know Why - McFly
2. Only the Strong Survive - McFly
3. 27 - Fall Out Boy
4. Black or White - Adam Lambert
5. Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet - Fall Out Boy
6. I Don't Care - Fall Out Boy
7. America's Suitehearts - Fall Out Boy
8. Lies - McFly
9. The End - McFly
10. California - Metro Station
11. The Take Over, The Break's Over - Fall Out Boy
12. Down Goes Another One - McFly
13. Coffee Shop Soundtrack - All Time Low
14. Star Girl - McFly
15. This is How We Do - All Time Low
16. Vegas - All Time Low
17. Pimp My Life - The Crash Moderns
18. Don't Stop Me Now - McFly
19. Guilty Pleasure - Cobra Starship
20. Bring It (Snakes on a Plane) - Cobra Starship
21. Please, Please - McFly
22. Umbrella - McFly
23. Friday Night - McFly
24. Shake It - Metro Station
25. Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner - Fall Out Boy

Anyone else see a problem forming here is anyone else in my boat??

xo

I don't know if any of you like mysteries, but I live to follow Wentz's clues! You know in the movies, and in real life as well, where they take those two metal plates with handles and jumpstart someone's heart? I feel like that was just done to me. It's all happening again and I'm game!

I don't need to sit here and give the excuses for my lack of blogging bc frankly The One Love has taken over my life, from the backend. We have a great team of TOLers that work here at our office in Nashville and we have so many great things coming up!

Don't forget to follow us on Twitter by clicking here!

Have you volunteered this month? I woke up 2 weeks ago at 3am to serve breakfast at the Nashville Rescue Mission and was overwhelmed with the whole experience. The Mission is completely self-funded and has a really great program to get people off the street and back on their feet. I could go on and on all day about things I learned there. If you'd like to hear more or have any questions or want ideas for volunteering in YOUR AREA email me at theoneloverocks@gmail.com

For more information on the Nashville Rescue Mission, visit: http://www.nashvillerescuemission.org

I'll be heading over to a Make A Wish softball tournament next weekend to work at the concession stand, where all proceeds will be going toward making wishes come true!!

For more information on the Make A Wish Foundation, visit: http://www.wish.org

Last month I was invited to attend a benefit concert for Natalie Grant's charity The Home Foundation. Just like charities that we have worked with in the past, Stop the Traffik and International Sanctuary, The Home Foundation is fighting against Human Trafficking! We have heard the stories and seen the movies of human trafficking victims in Asia and other countries across the world, but are you even AWARE that this awful underground business is prospering right here in America!? Honestly, I was not fully aware of this problem until attending this show.

I learned that in my suburban neighborhood where soccer moms are the majority of shoppers in the local grocery store that a sex trafficking brothel that housed over a dozen girls under the age of 15 was broken up this just months ago! Not only was I disgusted by this news, but I left the theatre angry at my entire community. Not only could I loathe the people who were running this operation, but WHO in my community was giving them business? I couldn't look a single person I passed in the aisle grocery shopping or in line at Starbucks in the eye for days. It's pretty obvious that I've looked these monstrous sex offenders in the eye more times than I could imagine. They are living right here in my community! I was absolutely shocked, but honestly what good is giving people dirty looks going to do? Now, I'm taking action and doing my research, making donations and I look forward to using The One Love to help with this organizations efforts in the near future!

Did you know that there are 325,000 young people involved in sex slavery in the United States? It's great to read about shelters like The Somaly Mam Foundation which The Click Five visited in Cambodia! Yet, did you know that although sex trafficking is a problem in this country that for children rescued from the trade there are only FOURTY EIGHT AVAILABLE BEDS!?!?!? Where do you suggest we put the other 324,952 children that may be rescued? This is where The Home Foundation comes in. Not only are they working to build and maintain shelters in Mumbai and Moldova, but they are beginning a movement in Nashville, where they are headquartered as well.

If you can't give money, please educate yourself on this awful trade and make everyone you know aware. It's horrific that things like this are hidden from us, so they go on unsuspectingly and nothing changes. Make this problem known and make a difference! If you would like more information on how you can help in the fight against sex trafficking and human trafficking please don't hesitate to email us at: theoneloverocks@gmail.com

boring weekend...up until the big game. a little drinking. a little relaxing. my body is sore from 2 zumba classes. i think i'll take the day off from the gym tomorrow. i'm so not looking forward to finishing tax forms tomorrow. i just can't wrap my head around it. i'm so grateful that there are so many types of people in this world that can all find their way doing different things. basically, i'm just glad i'm not an accountant.
kind of on the same note - i highly recommend revolutionary road. i also highly recommend finding what you love and doing whatever it takes to make it your life. don't assume that the american dream has to be your dream. make sure you know yourself and what makes you happy and are either in the middle of it or on your way to it before you settle for an easy way out. it's way to close to being in line with my every day outlook to not highly recommend. watch.

ahh...this game gives me chills. this was good football. too bad it ended the way it did. if i wasn't marekting music, i'd likely be marketing sports. honestly, i wish there were time to do both. football is my pop-punk of the sports world, but i'd probably have to work my way up via minor league baseball just as i have with other genres of music. just another reason why i'm basically a guy. i can bond with my father about game plays via text but i won't be able to bond with my co-workers tomorrow about commericials, because i watch the game and get up during the commercials. good game. good show. just thinking about how danny would flip out if he were here, kind of like the way i flipped out when i finally saw him on american tv. i'm sure the kid can use youtube. one day in my lifetime the cowboys will be in the superbowl again and i'll be able to afford to be there. i promise.

Can't wait to walk into this later this year!!

I'm happy. I really am, but I feel so saturated with everyone else's problems right now that I find it difficult to focus.
I thought I had almost lost it and lost all of you, then after taking a break of my own, I revisited your hiding places and found a treasure trove of diamond studded words that i can't stop staring at in amazement. thank you for coming back to me. it's not fun crying on the couch.

i see myself changing for you. and you. and you get let me be the best me i can be and that makes me happy. wish you were attainable.

it snowed a lot today and the harder it came down, the more it reminded me of you. i'm trying to get this mix just right. i have to tell you a story this way because telling you the other side of a story you've been a part of for a year isn't as easy to do outright. i'm becoming accustomed to the idea of you. i'm not even sure what that idea is.

i've become bored with you because others take the fun out of the game i never even decided if i wanted to win or not. you're simply something to daydream about when the unattainable and long-distance take the toll on my emotions. i haven't opened the blinds in a few days. ok, i did temporarily readjust my plans this morning, but you put a stop to that. let's run into each other sometime soon.

it's funny i'm trying to capture the hearts of all of you. you're already too in love with the music to even have room for anything tangible. you're like me. i wonder what i'll listen to if i ever fall in love. will drowning in bittersweet lyrics be a thing of the past or morph into some sort of mental photo album that i can still appreciate? i never want it to go away and if i can ever feel something as strong in a person that i feel in a song i'll know i've found what i've been looking for. i think its a feeling. i think there's a path to keeping it, but i believe in soul mates. i believe in seeing someone for the first time and saying in 20 years that you knew from the beginning.

don't drop your pen(s)...

xo

<3 <3 <3 <3

 Dear Patrick,

Today I read this:
"I hate disappointing people. That's why I never want to interact with my heroes. I don't want to know what they're really like. I want them to be my idealized version of them. When I know that I've ruined myself for somebody, that's like the worst thing in the world for me." -P. V. Stump

It made my eyes sweat. I've told this story a hundred times, and when asked - "Who are your idols?" I refer to you and your compadre numero uno. This story held true in my life for a number of years now. I stood in front of you and screamed every word to every song. I danced, I cried, I experienced some of the best moments of my life because you decided to pick up a guitar, yet, I never wanted to know more than what I saw on that stage or what you let me see in the public eye. I grew up falling in love with music and now I work in the music industry. I cannot tell you how many times I've had my heart broken by one pompous, arrogant musician after another. Most people are in this for themselves, and themselves only. You always hope to find that band that truly loves their lifelines as much as their fans love them. Sometimes you take chances. Sometimes your friends put you in situations that you never had the courage to face yourself...and before you have time to say no, your hero is standing right there in front of your smiling at you and you either run away and keep hiding and protecting your heart or you suck it up and let it happen. Sometimes being foreced into a taking a chance pays off. Once in awhile, you realize that there are genuine people in this world, and sometimes those people happen to be the heroes you fell in love with, not knowing if any of it was real or just a marketing ploy. You were one of a very small handful that not only spared me a broken heart, but helped it beat a little harder after so many disappointments.

I have given the same speech that you gave so many times before, with you being the reason that I gave it, and I will attest that you can now stand on your pedestal, only supported by your own genuinity. If I didn't take these chances, I'd probably be taking pills.

xo,
Jade

THIS IS WHAT I BLOG ABOUT

I blog a lot about happy tears. At some point in my life I decided that I had cried enough and I'll gladly pay a reward to anyone who actually catches me crying based on sadness from this point forward. The next thing you know, I got off the couch, stopped crying and watched the poets come to life. It was summer 2005 and I was in the middle of the most intense whirlwind I'd ever been stuck in. I'm riding up the escalator to see five friends debut on TRL and it happened. I cried. A security guard offered me a tissue and I broke out into laughter. I can't remember genuinely doing this before, but it was a good moment. It happens often now, but only because I put myself in many places at many times and eventually both align and the right things happen. If you don't respect Fall Out Boy and prefer to roll your eyes behind my back, please let me back you into a corner for 20 minutes and when you are set free, I have no doubt that you will, at minimum, respect me and the reasons that I feel the way that I do.

The most remarkable thing about this event, and this video documenting it, is that you never hear a bonafide scream or squeal. This is a collection of the most intense fans this band has and their dedication is based more on a true and mutual respect than a few catchy tracks that are constantly blaring through your local club's speakers. In my eyes, this band and their fans interact the way that all artists and their fanbases should. They are in love with each other and both believe that neither can exist without the other. Being a part of this was intense, and the more and more I relive it and tell the story, the more emotional it makes me. Everyone there wanted to be a part of something. They wanted to hear, see, smell and touch everything. I love the way everyone sings along, yet you can still hear Patrick without amplification. It made you feel like you were a part of something. A small invisible bubble encapsulated us in the middle of that large metropolis and nothing else in the world mattered.

If you want 20 minutes in the corner with me, I'll give you a breakdown of the entire week, but for now "I keep my [mmrs] close, cause their all mine." Not only did I turn on the faucet myself, but I saw them do it too and it was more reassurance than I could ever ask for. Millions of records sold and I've had more intense and intimate moments with this band than the musicians that I call friends. It's good to feel needed again. xo

I've always been infatuated with the correlation between the sense of smell and memory. I have this bottle of fragrance that I purchased this summer in Atlanta and first cracked open the next day in Chicago. Chicago - Aug 31, 2008 - the best day of my life. The day I feel can never be beat, though I can't wait to be proven wrong. I have only one bottle and considering that I got it at an outlet mall, I feel there's little chance I'll be able to get my hands on a replacement, so I save it for special occasions. As soon as I spritz it on I'm taken back to that state of bliss. It quiets me, much like the day I uncharacteristically forgot to speak for a number of hours. I bet if you watched me indulge in a few sprays, you'd notice that I likely close my eyes for a few moments and crack a smile.

Today is Christmas Eve. I have always felt that it's a little more magical than Christmas Day. I like the days and moments leading up to things because you almost forget that you're about to crash when it's over. The excitement about the possibility of something fantastic and magical is normally better than the actual thing you are waiting for. As a child, everything that I liked about Christmas happend on Christmas Eve. It was about magic and mystery and an experience, and these memories far outlast any gift I've ever received. I guess I haven't changed much. If I took all of the money I spend each year on travel, concert tickets and music and adjusted my budget I could likely own a private jet; yet if I were that person, I'd have no place to go...at least not any place that would make me feel anything close to hearing my favorite band in a 100 person venue play songs I never thought I'd hear outside of my car speakers. Going to Europe is never what makes me cry. I cry bc I know I'm about to be able to spend a significant amount of time, in my home - in front of a stage. I know that I'll spend night after night in musical heaven and day after day trying to relive it in the car and building up that excitement again and again for the next show. I was bred for this.

I'm not quite sure why I haven't let my memories and tears from the last week in NYC spill out over the screen just yet, but I think it may have something to do with keeping it close, because it's all mine. When a week that flawless settles down in your life by chance, you kind of want to remember it the best you can with feelings instead of words. Sometimes you read the words later and forget what you were even trying to say and that blog ends up distorting your memory of the situation completely. I can't throw my heart beat on the screen. I can't make you actually feel what it's like the moment before I know I'm going to burst into tears or the way my cheeks hurt at the end of a show bc I've screamed and smiled so hard that somehow that pain morphs into some sort of euphoric pleasure. I read other people's blogs and I gasp, I laugh, I choke, I cry; but only when it hits a nerve, and as close as I may feel to any one of you at that point, it can never be as good for me as it was for you.

I love the way you love. I love the way you want to throw that out on a screen and dualy get it out of your system to avoid screaming and hope someone else understands, if only for a second. I love the way that no matter how close your heart is to breaking completely, you dive in again because this is your drug. If you could shoot it into your veins, you'd do it til it killed you. In reality, that statement is probably far too true for most of us here. Til the day I die, I'll never stop drowing in someone's words or dancing to someone's beat. I'll never pass by a stereo without turning it up. I'll never choose life over love and I'll never forget how to experience the greatest reaction I've ever grown into. Happy tears heal broken hearts. xo

I only need three of you right now. My goal is to make you need me as much as I need you. You need me now, but you need to know you'll need me more later. You needed me the other night, and I can make the future worth your while for you, your boys, your dreams and your heart(s). You know you need someone, and that someone is me. I can't stop thinking about you. You keep me hopeful. Stop sending me blatant lyrics. I don't want to be hand-fed your heart. Maybe I need you too. Maybe I just need something and it happens to be you. Maybe I'll need you in three months. I haven't decided to accept your inviation or not yet, but I'm hoping I don't give up on hope and that I can keep myself from asking for advice that I used to just be able to rebel against, but started considering at some point. I hate it when people can't make decisions. I don't want to be like any of you. Tell me you need me and make it easy on me.
Please stop ruining my treasures. Can we just keep them for examination and shit-talking in my head. I'll shut my mouth if I need to - I promise.

It's time for the set up. I'm ready to call tails.

I'm trying not to let it fade and never know if the escape is what I need or if it will be my downfall.
one. two. three. i think i'll be happy.

I purchase CDs all of the time. I pick up a few here and there, almost like a blind date, waiting to see if that next one is "the one," or just a fling.

But, when I purchase a CD of this calibur, I prepare myself.

When I've been waiting for it for months, no - years; searching for your words while dropping my jaw knowing it will be even more impactful when those words are accompanied by his music, sharing theories with other fans and resisting the human urge to grab an early copy on some morally wrong computer program that breaks hearts and cuts my wallet down to 10% all while chasing the four of you from secret show to secret show across the country - I take the time to prepare myself.

It takes months of breathing excercises and intense training of the heart muscles to be fully ready to run/walk into the store, grab it and pop it in my car.

I want to hear it when you're ready. I want to hear it the way it's intended to be heard. I want to lose sleep the night before. I need warning. It's part of the the art of it. It's part of the game. It's part of living. (this life)

This time, you failed to warn me and as I typed in that fateful web address, I suddenly remembered what a ton of bricks felt like - like a beautiful ocean breeze that came in with the force of a hurricane and literally knocked the wind out of my chest. The tears fell so hard and so fast and I didn't want them to stop. I never used to understand how people could cry when they were happy. This is an emotion that comes with age. Get unique.

http://www.myspace.com/falloutboy Smile, you're about to drown.

xo

chew me up. spit me out.

use me. abuse me.

i'll just be ready to do it all over again.

tonight's the night. let's make everyday a memory.

eat it up. lie to yourself.

the flashing lights. i'm on both sides.

come back to me. your pass doesn't expire.

thanks for the memories. we'll make them great.

i'm okay in being a tragedy. figuring it out takes away the fun.

let's live for the night, and survive in the day.

this time's the only time. make it count now.

let them all have a taste. you can break my heart next year.

we are in the middle of the best days of our lives. do you wanna dance?

Okay, I know I said I wouldn't. I know I locked myself up and swore never to allow myself the opportunity to be put in that position again - a position I had been in many times before - but I don't think I'll ever stop giving second chances until I find someone who doesn't need one. What are you going to do when you go out tonight? What am I going to do when I go out tonight? I have my plans and I'm sure you have yours and we both have chance. We both have fate. Does fate take broken hearts along the way into consideration or just push through until the end result is apparant? Does fate take timing into consideration or just sit there shining in the night waiting for you both to be drawn to it?
Did you really just call me that? I know it's customary, but you haven't done it in a long time. A long, long time. I could check the date if you wish to wait a minute. I surely enjoyed hearing it from strangers at least on that bitter cold rainy day when I walked alone on the street's edge to return my most conveinent way to you. I took it back to avoid my doing anything too drastic.

Does this song really need to come next? Excuse me while I interrupt my playlist.
I'm in control, or at least I'm going to let you think I am. 2009 is only 27 days away. Sixty days or so in I may give it another whirl, but I'll probably fall again far before that.

the end is where you never hope you say 'i could of done it better'

I never know when to give up. I never know if I'm hanging on too long, or I let go too early. I guess this is growing up.

I don't think I have to explain much further how awesome my day's gonna be!

XO

December is amazing and Patrick Stump is the cutest guy I've ever laid eyes on!

Buy that and make your day!

Break my heart and he'll fix it.

xo, meet me in st louis. i know you'll show.

I'm literally speechless. I just keep staring at it bc I can't believe it's real. I love that it's on a board...like a secret board. It looks like a secret board that lives in my head and I'm going to have to keep dreaming about.

There is NO DOUBT that I'm living at Bamboozle this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"The worst is over and the sky is clear And there's not a place on earth I'd rather be than here But on the horizon, as the morning breaks I can see a brand new day that's full of new mistakes

They tell me that only the strong survive I don't know if we'll make it through the night I guess I'll see you in the afterlife They tell me that only the strong survive

Gotta keep on running Stay on the attack 'Cause the day you quit's the day you wish you had it back"

 "its all a game of chance, they say, in Wonderland..."

So, it's my last day in England. I've been here for a little over a week and realized that the more time I spend in this country, the more normal it becomes to me. I used to come over here to 1. see McFly and 2. escape for awhile. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my life and my career and I get to do so many amazing things and travel so many amazing places on a regular basis, but really, after awhile, even exciting things become mundane when they are overdone and lose their uniqueness. The first time I visited the UK, it was a whirlwind. The day I left, I never thought I'd come back...not because I didn't want to, but because I never thought I'd be able to. I was a poor college student, who had saved my college loan money to experience the music industry better than any classroom could ever let me experience it. It was the best week of my life and I have Cassie, Cathy, Ben, Steve and McFly to thank for that. I will never forget the way that for once I felt like I was experiencing things that I had never experienced before and thought I may never experience again. Everything was perfect. Nothing could bring us down. We were in Wonderland, and it was all a game of chance. By chance, 2 good friends of mine, at the time, walked across the street to get some food and unfortunately met with a rowdy football fan's fist. The fun stopped. Our heads came down from the clouds and we realized that even bad things happen in Wonderland. I can't pinpoint why, but for some reason I always felt safe when I was with this friend, so seeing him fall got to me really bad. He was fine really, but when I was walking around late at night on foreign streets, I always felt safe walking beside him. Perhaps it's all marketing that put him up on that pedestal, but really I knew him on another level, and I hope I'm not that shallow. I didn't speak to anyone for nearly 24 hours after this happened. I felt vulnerable to the world and was trying to wrap my head around it all. I wish it would have ended better but honestly, I think we all need a reality check sometimes when we think nothing can go wrong. There is no happiness without sadness, no love without heartache, no need for safety without danger. If everything was perfect all of the time, what would truly make any of us happy?

"one love, one life, that's enough to get you through the night..."

The second time I visited was with Cassie for McFly's "Up Close and Personal Tour." At the time it felt like it wasn't as good as the time before sans VIP treatment, but looking back, it was probably the best trip I have taken here. Overall there were far more ups than downs. The major flaws of the trip included visiting off the map small towns with sketchy accomodations, but I've gotten the greatest stories out of tiny cities like Doncaster and Grimsby. The show in Blackpool was probably one of my fave McFly shows I have ever seen. We discovered and fell in love with Lil Chris...though I still can't really figure out why. I got to see Son of Dork and as embarassed as I am to write this at this point in my life, I cried and cried when I saw James Bourne in the flesh. I was a crazy American Busted fan that couldn't exactly take trips to see Euro boy bands when I was much younger, working for $6.50/hr at a daycare center while going to community college. I never thought I'd ever see him in person and it was one of the most amazing moments! The last day of the trip, we took, err - I dragged Cassie to Bournemouth on a whim to see Fall Out Boy...instead of McFly. Yeah, I said it! "Instead of McFly" I'm always asked which one I'd choose and honestly I don't know if I'd make the same decision everytime, but that time, I chose the car crash hearts. We had no tickets, no hotel and no clue how we were going to make this happen, but we ended up with the last available hotel room in the city and last 2 tickets to the show! Sometimes fate wants you to hear "Grenade Jumper," something you thought you'd never hear live after 2006.

"that last decision was your last, because you can't come back when you're lying in the broken glass"

The third time we visited, it all got a little too real. You see, this goes back to Lauren's blog about airports and traveling to other countries, being whoever you want to be. At this point we started to know people. The country wasn't so foreign anymore and the world was starting to look like one big playground as opposed to little pods of culture that I could only access with fate's permission. I drove in the UK for the first time on this trip and it took a lot of work to get the cars back in one piece, which actually didn't even completely happen. There were financial troubles, personal tiffs, corruption, betrayal, lies, scandal, hurt feelings, wrecked cars, broken plans and broken hearts. We were all in it for ourselves and Wonderland didn't seem so wonderful anymore. I hate that this is what I think of this trip. I absolutely loathe my negative memories. I can't seem to wrap this box of disappointment with newspaper headlines that read "James Bourne and Ben Romans play London One Love Show"..."Driver, Petrey have nostalgic discussion with Tom Fletcher about love, music and coming to America"..."Petrey, Synowiec get called out by Jones, Poynter as they leave McFly show early"..."Driver lives up to her name and checks driving in a European country off her list of things to do"..."The One Love girls return to London flat after McFly show, flat tires and wild foxes only to find Old Gregg sleeping on their couch" Maybe one day I'll have a better outlook on this week of my life, but I don't think I'm ready to deal with the forgiveness just yet.

"just one drink and and I'm back in Wonderland like it was yesterday"

So here I am. Sitting alone in a Manchester airport hotel. Brinn is already on a plane back to America and I have a day alone. You may wonder why I'm all alone in England and wasting away my day writing. Honestly, I think this something I can actually check off of my list. It's part of the life I live. Sometimes, even when you're stranded in Wonderland, you just need that day off, alone, in order to get back up and grab life by the horns like you do on a regular basis. When everything is a whirlwind, you have to take time to digest it or you can never truly appreciate all that has happened if you just keep building and building the amazing memories on top of each other. Nostalgia is one of the most refreshing things to drown yourself in. So, I'm partly here, alone, in this rainy city to reflect and appreciate, and I'm partly here bc I let myself fall for something one more time that just kicked me in the balls! I almost believe I make these things happen bc I fear that they will. I'm infamous for expelling the phrase, "Everything happens for a reason." It's almost ridiculous how often I use it. Last night I sat on the steps of the M.E.N. picking at a McDonald's snackwrap, half conquered, half nostalgic with some inconveivable amount of hope still floating in my head, arguing the other side of this phrase. I couldn't find an explanation to the near future that I had already predicted to a "T" and thus deicded that if the reason wasn't in front of me then it didn't exist. I also decided that although God has a plan, humans fuck it up every now and then. If we didn't have the ability to fuck it up, we'd all be perfect and thus He sticks around and helps put us back on the right track so everything ends up the way its supposed to. I decided that the notion of "everything happens for a reason" is only something I fall back on to help myself ignore reality. I don't deny that you can learn something from every experience, but it doesn't mean that every outcome has a reason for influencing the future. I believe in cause before effect, and sometimes a future effect that needs a cause, but only really when it comes to the big picture. Perhaps I'm still trying to figure out why so many inconceiveable things constantly align themselves 95% of the way and then I watch the trainwreck begin. I usually predict the trainwreck as I'd rather be a bystander than a passenger. At the same time, "I want to feel everything when everything is wrong with me." Without feeling the bad stuff, the good stuff will never be as good. That's a simple fact. You can't deny that you appreciate when things get better more than things you end up taking for granted. "everytime we get up are we destined to fall, and i'm asking myself is this worth it at all..." Wonderland is wonderful, but it's not as wondrous when you break the bow while carefully unwrapping its package. By doing this, you let it all in. The people become part of your life and not just something you can leave behind and experience only after flashing your passport. Hearts can be broken in Wonderland. I won't stretch to say I'm 'over' anything, but I do think I've done enough to check the cloudy emo hotel experience off of my imaginary list and I'm going out to remember why I love it here so much. Today, I will be that person who tries to fit into my surroundings and let people make their judgements about my charisma and not my voice. Liverpool is calling and I hope you do too, but I know that I'll be ok even if you don't.

"everybody knows the end is where you hope you never say 'I coulda done it better...'"

Download: THE END - McFly and ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE - McFly

So, I'm currently in England. Brighton to be exact. I'm sitting in my hotel room and looking out at the ocean reminiscing about the show I saw tonight and counting the minutes until the next!

I'm in England for four reasons. Four reasons that Ruth outlined in her ode to The One Love. British candy, boys, songs and beer. I think the order is a little off, but it made for a better song. The boys definetley come first of course...along with their songs. Ok, the songs come first...but the boys write the songs. It's kind of like that whole chicken/egg thing.

I arrived in Manchester on Sunday morning. My friend Brinn met me there shortly after. After the debacle that ensued Sat I have no idea how I even got there in one piece, on time, with all of my belongings. Cathy and Caroline should write about that! So, we rented a car and drove to Nottingham. This trip should have taken about 2-3 hours, but took more like 7-8. That day I got used to driving her again, Brinn got used to her iphone GPS and we learned to concentrate on the road, not the radio, gorgeous mountainsides and anything else that got in our way. At some point on the trip to the east, I ended up in Liverpool and flipped out as that is definetley west. We finally got to Nottingham and checked into the Hotel Brittania, the hotel that Cassie, Cathy and I stayed at the night The One Love was born! It was a hell hole back then, but it's been updated and that was a welcome surprise! After that, we went to the Nottingham arena where I fell in love with a ticketing guy and then fell in love with Scouting for Girls all over again! I met them a few weeks ago at a CMJ showcase in NYC thanks to an invite from Caroline. They were amazingly happy (Think British Bryce Avary) and offered tix if we ever made it out to England...well, we did and I'd like to thank Roy for the amazing seats!! ...and an even more amazing show!!!!!!!!!!!! I was in awe! It was such a postive, happy vibe and the audience and band interacted like they were meant to. It was a good start to what's shaping up to be an amazing week!

Later that night, we visited the infamous Nottingham pub which is, and I confirm, the birthplace of this site. It was quite sad though as the bar was bought out and. in a sad attempt, was made to be a little nicer. It was awesome bc it was so shady. The drink specials that have taken their place in our history were nowhere to be found. That's right...no dancing dolphins, no brain damage...just a regular old bar. We climbed up on the top platform where we hung out that October night in 2006 and I sighed as I noticed the wall where I had written "NATE CAMPANY FOR LIFE" was now painted and it could no longer be seen. Soon a group of kids came in and migrated toward us. We ended up hanging out with some Nottingham kids all night and talking about how much their love our country and how much we love theirs...how much they would rather date Americans and how we were in the bar to meet hot British guys...we compared candy, and food, and music and eventualy had and in-depth talk about politics. I think we shall hang out again this week!

The next day we drove to London to see WICKED! I love Broadway shows, and this wasn't short of amazing!! You really must make plans to see it!! Before the show, we parked at Watford Junction and took the train in. After a long commute during rush hour, we arrived at out "hotel." I dare use that word as this dirty old box we stayed in made my college dorm room look like the Ritz. It was quite an experience. We also ate at Pizza Express that night...one of my favorites...and I got dough balls, which I love!

Today, I vowed that nothing could go wrong. This day would be the best day of the year. I proclaimed this with making the exception that the amazing dream-come-true Fall Out Boy show at AK47CHI on Aug 31 was exempt from the year as it was the best day OF MY LIFE and can no longer be judged against other days of the year. Today...you see, was the day I had been waiting for during the past year! The past two days, though amazing, had been torture as I usually get off a plane and get going to this particular event, but thist trip just wasn't planned that way. So, what made today so spectacular? MCFLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't think many people on this site truly understand what this band means to me. Let's just talk about the pure fact that I am on the other side of the world for a few concerts. I can sit here and list and list reasons why McFly is the best band I'VE ever loved but just take my word for it!!

So, did it turn out well? Was it the best day of the year? YES! IT WAS!! Not only was I having an amazing time here in Brighton, but Miss Ruth Collins had an amazing day back in Nashvegas! Family Force 5 released their new "Radiator" video, and you should click here to watch it now! Also, David Cook's album was released today. Thank God for iTunes. I'm always sitting at home trying to figure out how to beat the UK iTunes system and buy the music for once. I scan their shop often drooling over music that I end up shipping to me for 5x the price. Today, I was on the other side, sitting in England being so happy that I could access American music! I am also glad that my good friend Danny got back home safely to Manchester after being away for nearly a year and I'm really glad that he now has unlimited Internet access!

On my end, I began a series of squealing fits today about once/twenty minutes bc I was so filled with excitement! I began crying as I realized that all I had ever wanted to do was drive myself to a McFly concert while singing their music at the top of my lungs, and when I realized that it was actually happening, I couldn't help but cry. The show was amazing! I somehow ended up right beside the stage and enjoyed every second of it. I even witnessed a girl fight during the middle of the show. It was pretty dramatic AND it allowed me to get closer to the stage...thanks for ripping each other's hair out ladies!! I don't really have much to say about the show. I'm not good with words when words aren't good enough for my feelings. Sometimes I think that can really be true.

My ears are ringing. My hair isn't as straight as it was when I got to the show. My makeup is run over with tear marks. My feet are sore. My money is dwindling down. I have a slight hangover and I can't sleep bc I'm still reminiscing but all of these things make me happy. No pain. No gain. I don't think this concept is more prevelant in my life than when referring to concerts. I don't comprimise anything for my bands. Brinn asked me if I still had the tickets after going to the restroom. I didn't know honestly without a doubt, but I said to her, "Of course I have the tickets. I always have the tickets!" She said, "Oh, I'm sure you do, but I'm just checking." I said, "I'm not even checking but I need you to realize that I'll lose keys, phones, wallets, my mind, but I NEVER lose my tickets bc they are the most important thing that I can hold. They are the most tangible way of holding a dream, a moment, my heart. I will NEVER lose a ticket bc without a ticket I miss out on an experience that I need to survive. So, yes, of course I have the tickets." ...and I did.

Tomorrow we are traveling to Brighton to see OLD GREGG!!!
Seriously.
I also plan on backing it up on Noel Fielding during a Coldplay song.
Seriously.
The last time I made that statement it went something like, "I will back it up on Perez during Vogue." It happened. Don't doubt me.

Until I have time to write again...

If any of you are going to the McFly shows in Nottingham or Manchester, let me know!!!! I just managed to write this blog without referencing "Danny Jones." I don't think I've referenced anything during this day more than Danny Jones, so here's to that amazing man. One day I plan on seeing Danny Jones sing "Don't Know Why" live...with straight hair. LAUREN AIM ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...and I'm not shallow people.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zr7LfaTyFIc

I'm just slow and stubborn.

I assumed that today would be lame, as it was the original date of the release of FOB's new album, which has now been convienently pushed back to the day before my birthday. At some point in time, both a FOB release day and my birthday, will touch. Amazing. Hey, there was a new remix of "I Don't Care" released today and that was good enough for me. I had been envisioning this day for months. Buy the album, vote and drive to ATL to see Panic!* at the Disco. One of the three parts was missing, but really, I'm not missing it right now. This day is so amazing that the cherry on top would have been over the top and now there's just something else to look forward to!

I knew I was excited about this election, but rarely do I feel overwhelmed by the joy that something besides music can bring into my life. Tonight, I felt it. It wasn't because of a song, or because I had just seen an amazing show, which I will get to in a second, but because things felt right in the world, or at least in America. I didn't get to see the amazingness that our NYC friends did, but lived vicariously through Gabby, Lauren and Cassie's texts and calls about their <a href=http://www.theonelove.org/laureneberle target="_blank">trek to Times Square</a> Cathy and I were in Atlanta, and nearly scared that riots would break out, but nonetheless I happened to be in an amazing place at the right time. I was standing in line buying a poster when a little girl in front of me said to her friend, "My mom won't come pick us up until they announce Obama has won!" The other girl said, "What if he doesn't?" Then the first girl responded, "He will." It made me smile a little. These children have no voting privileges, but are standing around discussing the election while buying posters of cute boys in a band. Maybe I was a naive child, but I cannot remember being 13 and caring about the election. It took me far longer than that to understand it's importance. At that age, any president was important to me, and mainly was famous in my eyes. He was the president, so of course he was good. I didn't have an opinion other than that. I looked at the president like my parents, they were in charge so they knew what to do.

After leaving the line, Cathy and I met up with <a href="http://www.theonelove.org/andriagoodrow" target="_blank">Andria</a>, who is working on the Rockband Live tour, and were talking about the amazingly wonderful show we had just seen when Cathy got a text from someone with the news. We all looked at each other as if it couldn't have been announced yet as it still seemed so early, when we looked around and noticed everyone around us reacting in one way or another. We did a little happy dance and talked about how we would be telling this story to our kids one day. "Yes, I remember. I was in Atlanta at a Panic! at the Disco concert..." The response will likely be: "That's a weird name for a band." Yes Mr. Wentz, I will remember.

I feel overly optomistic tonight and happy about life. I didn't get my FOB CD, and knowing that FOB comes next to God in my life, it frankly shocks me that I'm this okay with waiting. Some things are more important than the band that has your heart. Sometimes it disgusts me how hard it is for me to see the bigger picture, but tonight I didn't have to dig too deep or look too far. I didn't even see the happiness of many people around me, but I just felt it in the air. Election coverage via AM radio makes it feel nostalgic. We are all turning into hippies and I'm okay with that. We care about not only our music, but the environment; charities are trendy; and not voting is not cool. Seems like people are on track and ready for this change. I know I am.

Oh, and not to throw my heart to the wayside...Panic was AAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG as always. There was a magical moment of screaming and tears when a song was played that I never thought I'd hear. Mr. Ryan Ross and I had a moment and we both really want to save the calendar business. Oh, and I fell in love with John Walker. Other than that, this band never ceases to amaze me. I know they don't have a ton to show for the credibility most of you are seeking, but rest assured, this band is legit and after seeing them for the 10th time or so I'd bet my life on it!

REINVENT <3.
REINVENT LIFE.
REINVENT the pursuit of your HAPPINESS.

*I got the memo, but I refuse to let my beloved exclamation point go. Also, the Wonders will always be the Oneders and Patrick's last name will always be Stumph.

...sometimes I just want to know what it's like to be you.

Have you voted yet?

xo, 6 weeks and counting

After asking some of my fellow bloggers, "how are you feeling right now at this exact moment?" I received the following responses:

"tired." - Amber Rierson

"Overwhelmed" - Ben Romans

"content." - Christian from Article A

"Like I might fall over at any minute." - Cathy

"Happy! Why?" - Ruth Collins

"Proud and Satisied :o) why? How are u feeling?" - Rick Siebold

"Fine... Why?" - Nate Campany

"Exhausted. Need coffee." - Luke White

"I'm feeling really giddy and embarassed bc I can't stop laughing in religion class. how r u feeling?" - Lauren Eberle

"Amazing!! I miss u guys" - Josiah Bell

"??? Tired" - Cassie Petrey

"Frustrated" - Leigh Bradford

"I am feeling organized, I also feel accomplished but I feel like I want to meet more people. But, I feel really balanced on everything, its great." - Isaac "Tub-O" Dietz

"I feel accomplished bc I finished the really real DVD!!"* - Isaac "Tub-O" Dietz

(*THIS NEWS JUST MADE MY DAY!!!!! http://www.youtube.com/tubopopcorn)

"I'm at Island [Records] and just saw Mason [Musso]!!!!!!!!!!" -Cassie

Sometimes things don't go the way you want them to, but they go that way bc it's better for you. I like to think that I have control, but in the end I realize I've put so much trust in the way things should be and the way things move around and fit into and fall out of my life based on believing it will all work out in the end, that I have little control at all. I trust goodness over evil. I trust my snap judgements. I trust God's plan for me. I trust the "meant-to-be's" of life. I make goals and open up my world to letting them make themselves happen. I don't know how half of the things that happen to me, end up happening, but I do know that it's because I believe that they will. Believing is everything! I'm not worried if one guy breaks my heart, because one day someone won't. I'm not worried if a client doesn't work out, bc one day I'll find all of the ones that fit and I'll buy that slew of fancy cars that I can't get out of my mind. If one friend thinks it's time to split, who am I to drag them along hoping it will all work out. I've learned to move on, bc in moving on, you find better things. Things. There are a billion things out there and I've probably experienced a handful of them. So, when one thing is not working out it may be time to let it go. Sometimes it comes back to you, sometimes it doesn't...because it was never supposed to. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and sometimes you can't see that reason for years to come. If I believe this, I also believe that every little thing in your life that must be there for a reason is not for the most life-changing of reasons. Some things protect you, some things give you that little glimmer of hope that makes the day worth fighting for, some things are bridges, some are patches, some are just necessary and neutral. Sometimes you need to let go of things, but not because they've failed you, but because they've completed their job. Sometimes things become a bigger part of our lives than we ever expected that they would and sometimes things don't play as large of a role as we thought they were supposed to. Trust your snap judgements, but realize that sometimes you cloud them because you want something to be a certain way so bad that you've fixated on that need and lost sight of what's real. It's okay if it's only going to be this good. I won't expect it to get better, but look forward to that possibility and be open to finding the thing that lives up to my expectations. I have to realize that you did not fail at living up to what you were meant to be to me, but only to my hope that you were supposed to check that experience off of my list. Guess that check mark was meant for someone else. I was only using you to make sure I could check it, but you never even had the pen in your hand...and I knew that...and now I take you for what you are. The amazingly wonderful you. You've done nothing but made me smile, only I have made myself cry because I put you on a pedestal that you were never fit for. Blaming my misplaced expectations is a much better plan than blaming you for anything but making it bearable. I don't control everything, though I'd like to think I do. I control what I'm meant to control and the rest is written in the stars for all I know. I'll keep breathing. I'll keep wishing. I'll keep living. Let's see what happens next!

Interpret them at your own risk. Read them again until they make you smile or cry, whatever you're needing to pour out that day. I love you. I hate you. Good bye.

xo

Sorry...this is boring, but I had this window open for a blog I never wrote and was listening to McFly as I brushed my teeth and washed my face for bed and started wondering how many times I've seen them, so I went to write it down and figured I might as well write it here so I can save it and add to it. :o)

Glasgow, Glasgow, Nottingham, Manchester, Manchester, Blackpool, Doncaster, Grimsby, Newport, Sheffield, Bournemouth, London

OK, a dozen's not bad. Ready to add some more in a few weeks. So I guess if you care you've heard about the unfortunate pushing back of Folie A Deux. Then again, if you care, you've heard about the not always fulfilled promise of secret shows. This reminds me of the time I skipped seeing McFly one last night and took a train on a whim down to Bournemouth, somehow got a really super expensive hotel and ended up with one free ticket and the last ticket for sale and got to see a song performed that I thought I was far too late for. Guess grudges don't carry internationally. So, now I'm in the same dilemma. McFly vs Fall Out Boy. FOB is 1 and 0. Now, do I cut my UK trip short or out all together for the chance to fly around the country on a whim and see a FOB show that MAY or MAY NOT happen?

I'll lose sleep over this for awhile.

I'll be in NYC next week...any of you up for a HSM3 midnight screening????????????? Or maybe a TOL patio party with open mic? Let me know!!

xo, the heart never lies

"They don't even know what it is to be a fan. You know, to truly love some silly little piece of music or some band so much that it hurts."

Do you know how this feels when you tell them (us) they can't?

Dear 'Hey Chris,'

I get it now.

XO, we don't fight fair

So...I've been literally in my bed one night during the past two weeks and I'm going crazy! I've been to PA, Jersey, NYC, Fredonia, CT, Dallas, ATL and I'm finally back in Nashville. My Dad's in town and sleeping in my bed so I'll call the air mattress home for a few more nights. It's not so bad really. It's way too late to be up right now, but during my travels I feel as if I've fallen so behind on work. I miss having my laptop attached to my lap and I miss staying up late and blogging...so that's just what I'm going to do right now. So much has happened during the past two weeks. My life has revolved around my two current amazing, life-altering, thank you Jesus for giving me the chance - projects...Ruth Collins and Article A. I am so excited to be working my butt off on both of these projects and cannot wait to see what I accomplish...I've been trying to do so much during the past two weeks that I barely remember what happened. I've slept at Ruth's infamous grape farm, her dad's lake front country house, a hotel in jersey, cassie's bed, the table of a diner the stahl took me to after angels and kings, planes, one night in my bed, an air mattress, hotel in dallas, hotel in atlanta...back to the air mattress. I'm so scatter-brained and drained. I have had the chance to do so many amazing things during the past two weeks like watch Ruth open for a very noteworthy country artist, eat Bison dip in her locker/dressing room, go on a tour of the grape farm on a hay wagon, jump on a wet trampoline, learn how to make apple juice, learn how to eat grapes (guess i was doing it wrong all along), go on a pontoon ride -- under a bridge that i could touch, finally meet up with Article A -- at a Jersey diner nonetheless, The One Love party @ Angels & Kings -- Pete Wentz came to MY party, new Fall Out Boy songs released, i was featured on my fave FOB gossip site, MCFLY IS COMING TO AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, got to see my Dad, watched the Cowboys win a game, went to Sprinkles - my fave cupcake shop, but i will also mention that Stahl graciously brought me an amazing vanilla cupcake from his restaurant, which i will say could compete with Sprinkles anyway, went to a 7-11, the Pop Pop Shoppe, visited and ate BBQ with my good friends Holly and Nathan in Memphis (did I forget that city on my list? yeah!), saw The Rocket Summer - TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, I'm about to die over that one...breathtaking!!!!!!!!!, Pimped The One Love to Bryce Avary. He will be coming. I assure you. Everyone think positively now!, went to IKEA, finally had a phone call with our next new bloggers who i love to death!, met another new blogger at the AK47 party who will be announced tomorrow...really, the list probably goes on and i will remember things in pictures, but it's 3am and this blog is going nowhere. My mind is racing but i want to sleep, and so i shall. Oh, and i can't get enough of this, so i encourage you to watch it about 10 more times too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WPES9MAbV0

<3.

I think that says enough until I can find a quiet day to dedicate the time that this band deserves. 5th grade history class never really did those four beautiful words justice.

they are coming.

So, I've been doing most of my writing in TOL news feed this week and unforunatly you guys can't comment there so I'm not getting any response and have no idea if you are getting the info...

First, I wanted to encourage everyone to read and follow the "Fight Breast Cancer Now" tips that I will be putting up everyday. We'd also LOVE to hear your stories or ideas! If you follow any of the tips, send us an email and let us know! Pics and videos are welcome as well!! theoneloverocks@gmail.com

Second, today is our one year anniversay!! Read all about it in the news feed and send your bday wishes to theoneloverocks@gmail.co

Third, please make sure to visit and support our social networking sites.

Myspace - http://www.myspace.com/theoneloverocks
YouTube - http://www.youtube.com/theoneloverocks
Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-One-Love/6130938308?ref=ts
Facebook Group - http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=5196639188&ref=ts
Facebook Blog App - http://apps.facebook.com/blognetworks/blogpage.php?blogid=54838

Get to surfing.

Much love...

Today I'm living in the Hartford airport. I've been here since 11:30am and will be departing at 5:50. I've walked up and down the quarter mile stretch of this terminal 2-3 times. I found my favorite bagel shop and an awesome advertisement that you'd have to see to believe. There are 4 projected images on a while wall. The image resembles the shape of an umbrella, which is constructed from thousands of other tiny red umbrellas. When passing by the image, if any shadow hits it, the tiny umbrellas scatter. This thing is hi-tech! If you hit the bottom, the bottom pieces scatter, and slowly float back. If your shadow hits the top, it scatters too...2 places at once...three. Then comes the issue of speed. The faster your shadow grazes the image, the quicker and further away the pieces scatter. I can sit down and pinpoint the technology behind this presentation, but I'd rather just think it's some sort of magic.

I'm tired of being here, but not yet annoyed. I am at the mercy of the airline and the building I am stuck in. I can leave, of course, but we all know how difficult and expensive that becomes so I am bound by laziness and financial instability. I am limited to the foods I can choose from, entertainment beyond computers, cell phones and watching the flights arrive and depart. In addition, I've seen my share of irate passengers this morning, but that's another story in itself. I am waiting on something that cannot happen until it decides to and I can do nothing to change it. My computer limits me to social networking on Facebook as Myspace and YouTube are blocked...and when you run an internet marketing company based around social networking on a Thursday afternoon, you tend to be at a loss for much productivity.

I live by myself. I am the owner of two companies and a non-profit organization. I guess you could say I like calling the shots. The world's potential is limitless and I am only limited to the constraints of time, energy and creativity. I set my goals far in advance and make most of my desicions on a whim. That being said, being confined to this airport for the day is not my idea of freedom. It makes me think about people in this world who don't have the freedoms that I have and how this site just makes me want to work harder everyday to do my part to help one more person have one more chance at...something. Anything. At living, and learning, seeing, feeling, knowing, doing - at experiencing life. It's hard when you see everyone pass by you and you feel so helpless in aiding any of the thousands of problems that cross your path each day. I have problems. I have many problems. I have more problems bombard me every day than solutions, but isn't that just part of life. I can handle my problems. I can handle them so well that I take on the problems of others. I used to think it was all too large to even dent, until I began trying. I've seen so many tiny solutions take care of such large problems. I've seen the viral nature of helping spread across this site and across a culture. I know I can help and I know you can too.

I had the pleasure of seeing an amazing artist last night in Philly. His name is Bryce Avary, but you may know him better as The Rocket Summer. I know I get on this site and rant and rave about artists every day, but most of them make my heart beat for reasons beyond their raw mind, spirt and talent. I know what marketing is. That's what I "do." I know I cite the Backstreet Boys as changing my life at one point in time because somebody else created them. I know that a pop song is just a pop song and that a good hook is designed to "hook" you in. Music is amazing and it makes me feel like the world is worth living in, but it's rare that I come across genuine people, especially in this industry. Not so long ago I would have continued this blog with something like..."I know I don't know him, or everything about him but..." Makes sense. It's pretty true. "but..." as I grow older I find that I have more faith in myself and my ability to see genuinity in people. I have seen him play quite a few times over the years, and I'll be the first to say that it wasn't "my thing" from the beginning. In fact, when I felt myself falling for the hapiness being poured out over an audience and seeping into me I questioned its geniuinity, but that fact that it took three performances for me to fall told me two things...1. I watched an artist grow into his own. 2. Life isn't always a chain of instantaneous events that make you happy based on a strong marketing campaign. Life is living. Living for today. Living for tomorrow. Living for yourself. Living for others. Life -- is limited, but what we do with the time we are given is open to each person's ability to succeed within and beyond their limits based on their own motivations and the tools that they are offered to succeed. Sometimes we can't beat limitation, but we can decide how we limit ourselves.

This is something that I've learned and I feel that the words and genuinity of this artist have done a lot in reminding me of these things. Sometimes you find a good movie with a good soundtrack. Sometimes you find one for your life. This time, I found one for not only my life and the things I want to do in it, but I feel like his last album was created as the soundtrack to this website. Those 13 tracks are constructed to sum up a year of blogs. Thank you Bryce, for inspiring me to get up off my ass and realize this site and the 2 years I've invested in it are not limited to anything but the limits that I put on it. I love to quote lyrics. It's what I do best, and I have about 20 of his floating in my head right now that would sum up this installment of Jade's mind glowing on your desktop, but I'll let him sum it up for me. Please comment below and let me know what this video says to you. It says more to me than I have space to write here. Yes, I know space on this site in unlimited. I know that. That's how it makes me feel. UNlimited.

Search "Do You Feel The Rocket Summer" on YouTube. I know it's on FriendsorEnemies.com too but the airport internet is limiting me to fining it. sigh. I'll link it here later.

I don't want to be limited by disease, lack of funds, abandonment, addiction problems or just the way it's always been. Being at the point where I feel like I have some control over fighting past my limitations; I want to do my part to help others fight their way past theirs. Thus, we are here. It's not too big. We're too big for it!

Oh, and while you're drowning in some new music, check it Call It Captivate. They have the same idea as us. When you purchase a tee, a portion of the proceeds from your purchase goes to the charity of your choice! I need to do some shopping...

Hey kids... First off, thanks to everyone who came out to TOL's AK47NYC party last night. I'm sure some entertaining stories will be popping up here real soon. Thanks to One Lovers Cassie, Lauren, our boys from Article A, Chris Stahl, Tommy from The Crash Moderns, Hayley, our good friends Devin, Sarah, Adele, Emily, Marcie and all of the TOL readers whose names I can't remember. The night was awesome!!!

We all screamed like it was New Year's as Oct rolled in at midnight. It's now TOL's fave month. Most of us have a love affair with good ol October. October - National Breast Cancer Awareness Month! As a blogger supporting The American Cancer Society I am going take the next 31 days and give you guys 31 easy tips on ways YOU can help win the fight against breast cancer.

Oct. 1, 2008
Tip No. 1

It's no secret to anyone that I am a cupcake connoseiur. Just last night I was gifted one of the most amazing vanilla cupcakes I've ever eaten. This coming weekend I will be traveling to Dallas to cheer on my Cowboys, and will be stopping by my numero uno cupcakery Sprinkles! For any of you in the SoCal or Dallas areas, you can do you part to fight breast cancer and satisfy your sweet tooth at the same time.


From Oct 1-7, Sprinkles will donate the proceeds from its strawberry cupcakes to the Entertainment Industry Foundation's Women's Cancer Research Fund.

Sprinkles Pink Ribbon cupcakes raised a combined total of $38,000.oo during the past three years for the Women's Cancer Research Fund.

http://www.new.facebook.com/event.php?eid=29765437334

be there.

http://vladthebakerrip.com/

Scroll to the bottom of that page.

That is a video of my happiest memory to date.

XO

Don't pretend you ever forgot about me...

Remember when you cared? Remember when you pretended to care? Remember when that didn't even matter anymore?

I do.

I will always remember. I remember when I was the happiest and I remember watching it all crash down. I remember being rescued. I remember being ridiculed. I remember finding a place that made me feel like I didn't have to try and I remember being scared to feel that way because you told me it was wrong. I remember finding a place where drowning was exhilirating and I remember finally letting go, knowing that even though my breath was being taken away, it was allowing me to survive, when you'd just let me fall apart. I am as smart as you. I am as talented as you. I am now stronger than you and you can't hold me under your water anymore. I never have to hide in this place. I can be everyone that I am all at once in this place. I can be the business person who finds pleasure in it all, scream it out loud, and that makes me just like the rest of them. The composers, the producers, the poets, the marekting genuises, the clowns, the vegans - the beats of my heart don't limit me and I'm never scared to say I care. I do think...and it is all about you. Patrick...Peter...Andy...Joe...you make my heart beat like no other. he invited me into his house. you invited me into your heart.
thank you for putting mine back together again before i lost it all.

You can copy him, because I told you to, but you can't have me back! "YOU'RE A PUNK AND I'M TELLING EVERYONE!"

<3.

So, I woke up to and email on my phone that made me extremely nervous...until I yawned and saw the "JP" at the end. Even though that startled me, I will forgive Christian and still ask you to VOTE FOR ARTICLE A IN THE MTV2 ROCKBAND CONTEST!!!!!!!!!!!!

I went on with my day and began to crave cheetos. After much deliberation, I opted for cheese balls and a sub from Publix. After eating I went to Target to buy items to make my teeth nice and shiny. I also picked up a copy of a magazine my mother buys and realized I'm getting old. It has a ton of really cool tips on how you can help find a cure for breast cancer, and with October on its way, I'll be posting them soon. October is national fight breast cancer month and I think we should all take at least one step to make a dent! More coming soon...

I'm about to hit the shower and then head off to a photo shoot with one of my fave TOL bloggers Ruth Collins. Perhaps we'll post some of pics here first! I'm ready to be posting more pics, so look out for them in the pics section soon...along with pics from the Autism walk here in middle Tennessee.

After taking photos I'll be heading down to the Capitol Records Pub Crawl with fellow One Lovers Ruth and now CAROLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...you are coming, right? Cathy will be at some conert selling merch so it's too bad she can't come and hear all about how I've decided to be a candy corn princess for Halloween! Cool, huh?
If any of you are in the Nashville area, come out to the Cap Rec Pub Crawl on Demonbreun from 5:30pm - the night...FREE CONCERT with Emily West, Darius Rucker aka Hootie, Luke Bryan and Trace Adkins. Come on, give country music a try. I did!

We'll post some pics later...until then...

xo

So...Cassie and I are just a little excited about life tonight... prob bc Cassie told me we are going to DISNEY WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...and we decided to give out blogs! That's right..we are a setting up about a dozen new bloggers just like you! We asked a handful of our most chatty TOL readers if they wanted to join our team, and of course they did! Their blogs will not be featured in the BLOGGERS bar to the right, but will be posted in the blog feed on the front page whenever they blog. Just like our VIPs their blogs will support a charity of their choice and the money generated from ad revenue to their blogs will be donate to that charity.

We may be feeling crazy again soon...so look out for your invite!
Want to be asked to blog? Here are some things you can do to get our attn...

1. COMMENT ON BLOGS!!
2. Stalk us online...we like this...it makes us feel special.

Here are some handy links...

http://www.myspace.com/thejadehasspoken

http://www.myspace.com/cassiepetrey

http://www.myspace.com/crowdsurf

http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=38400589&ref=name
http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=38400493&ref=ts

3. Tell us what you like and dislike about TOL and give us new ideas...what do you want people? What do you want to do? We are here to help you serve mankind!

xo, pretentious is my middle name.

Wanna win a special prize from your fave blogger? Type the name of your fave blogger as a comment below and we will be picking the first five comments to win! REALLY...
Please no personal info...we can get in touch with you! 1, 2, 3...GO!

Maybe we'll have a few extra for auctions!!

Thx to Cathy for all of her help with this and the Autism Speaks walk. Wish us luck tomorrow and come back for pics and coverage.

xo, i'm so not ready to crash yet...

Hey guys!

Take a moment to vote for our friends, and future bloggers (was I supposed to say that yet? oops!) Article A!!!! Click here to visit their Addicted to Noise profile and vote for them in the right column now AS MANY TIMES AS YOUR LITTLE MOUSE DESIRES!!

This will help the toward reaching their goal of winning the opening slot on the ROCKBAND LIVE tour this Nov 2 at the Prudential Center in Newark, NJ along with Panic! at the Disco, Dashboard Confessional, Plain White T's and The Cab.

Come on guys, how cute are they?

Click here to find out, because my browser is lame and I can't post cool vids like Seth...

I feel like I'm in the middle of a mary-kate and ashley mystery. These clues are making me nervous bc I don't want to blink and miss anything. I'm stressed and wish I could defy time like you. I need a few more hours to get to the corner of melrose and fairfax. I just don't think there's enough time since my little life has got me all caught up in other projects and I've neglected to follow your trail for days. Let's be glad there's not a check in that mailbox just yet or I'd be lying on Malibu beach by sunset. Get out of tinseltown...you belong on our side!

5. Getting to wear a hot pink bandana.

4. Enjoying music from two of our bloggers, Rick Seibold and Ruth Collins from Wild Honey.

3. Getting to hang with fellow one lovers and our supportive readers.

2.
  

This is Evan Farmer. He will be meeting and greeting people at the race. They say that it's because of this...

...but I'm pretty sure that half of our team is excited because of this...

1. Get TOL out there doing something for local communities and raising money for a very worthy cause, Autism Speaks.

That sounds makes my heart jump...because of you and because of her. I only saw the sound and still heard it with silent ears. It's ringing right now and there's a knot in my stomach. Never has such a sound made me so nauseous -- for so many reasons. I sit and watch. The timing isn't right...I only want to say hello because everyone else has someone to say hello to. Head off to the other coast. I'm glad you told me. I don't know why it just moved but I shoved a whole can of fruit into my mouth and didn't even enjoy it. I eat when I'm nervous. I eat when I'm upset. I just keep grabbing for it and there's only one and a half pieces left. Usually you make me stop. Stop.

There's a chain. That's why I mock. I laugh to cover up the bruises. I never knew if they healed because they're not so easy to see. Hidden scars are so unlike me. Half in. One left. I might as well throw it away before I let you get the best of my judgement. I'll never be desperate enough to dig in the trash, though I've been known to dive in for you.

I loathe the attention this gives you. Why should you both be mixed up? You never really sang the exact same note. Maybe in just a different octave.

I had more to say, but I'm not in the mood to mock you right now so I'll save it for when you piss me off.

i beat you at your own game. i give up.

xo, alone in the light

At what point did I begin to adhere to the 9am-5pm workday? I don't think I really have, but I have learned to take a lunch break at 5pm since American standards say that I am not exactly obligated to, but likely expected to answer emails after this point.

I've been up since 7am and working since 7:01. I believe it's time to take a moment and find food that is larger than snack size. I'm starving but haven't gotten up in hours. My Grandma sent me a survey via email this morning that asked if I loved my job. Let's put it this way...nobody is holding a gun to my head making me work ridiculous hours, but I do it nonetheless. Yesterday Ruth asked how I was. I told her that I was getting back to my normal life after my amazing weekend in Chicago. She kind of sighed, but I suppose she couldn't see my fingers putting quotes around the word "normal." I told her that it was fine since my current understanding of normal is the life i always wished for...or at least perfect for the current moment and on the path to unbelieveableness.

I was on my way to Atlanta on Friday when I got a text solidifying the final clue that I had been waiting for for weeks. 60XXX aka Boner Party aka I really freaking hope you are Fall Out Boy -- was playing a show in Chicago and I needed to be there! I went to ATL, watched the past year of my life fall apart and booked it back to Nashville, rented a car and ran off to Chicago to let your words and your licks put it back together again.

I knew it was worth dropping a grand, my well earned sleep and days off on. But, I never knew it would be priceless. I've always really liked the concept of a time machine. I daydream about this often. In case the unbelieveable ever comes true, I am always prepared. I have this list of places that I'd go if I stumbled across such a thing. One of those places is 2002 in Chicago. There's this band. They are pretty much the icing on top of my everyday life and are most of the reason that this site exists, at least on my end. There is no other show I'd rather see. Their only contender was once beaten, when I took a train to Bournemouth on a whim and heard them play a song I never in my life thought I'd hear live. They defy reason, rules, predictability and finally...time.

08.31.08[02] will live in my heart forever. It's not because it was small. It's not bc I was close. It's not because it was accessible and low-key. It's because it had to be all of these things in order for it to be genuine. I've been to secret FOB shows before. I've seen them with 10,000 people and with 50. That wasn't the point. I've shaken hands, exchanged words, partied in your bar, asked for the scribble of a sharpie on the best 12 tracks to ever grace my ears...but that wasn't the point. The point was to relive the past -- something I was never a part of in the first place, and I was convinced that I'd never get the chance to live. I stood there...ok, I screamed and cried and left with shoulder joints that felt like I'd just lifted weights for a few hours...but I was there, in shock at how authentic it all seemed. Who better to retell their story than the band that lived it in the first place? I used to have a top memory and now it's only second best. Chicago, you win.

I dropped everything for a non-confirmed clue and it paid off.
Live your life.
Take chances.
Never wonder..."what if?"

I miss Chicago. That city makes me feel like i'm a part of something that beats louder than my hearbeat, but not as loud as your drums.

take a listen:

this weekend, i made a quick decision that had already been decided upon whilst traveling i-24 near knoxville in dec 2005. it was solidified at least nine times after that, but who's counting? three days and $700 or so later i can say that i've successfully traveled in a time machine. i'm tired. my brain is still spinning and my heart is still pounding. the moment that used to live in my memories as top notch is now only second best. i secretly fear that things that should top it, never will. at this moment i'll continue to be blissful and nostalgic and let the future worry about itself.

for now, i need sleep. tomorrow i shall spill.

folie a deux. i'll follow you to the ends of the earth.

the term 'it's all happening' means more than ever. my heart is beating faster than it has since last feb.

this for me, is like writing a song praising the most wonderful song ever written. it's simply impossible and i'd rather bow out before giving it a shot.

right now i am engulfed in a puzzle. a creative, amazing, beautiful puzzle that will lead me to my current reason for doing this at all.

thank you chris stahl for leading me on the right path or i may have blinked and missed it.

60XXX

...landing on a runway in...
sunday, my love, I WANT MY SCENE BACK!

So, I'm not as cliche and predictable as everyone thinks. I have not yet blogged about my favourite bloggers and their secrets that have made me extremely excited about life and my near future music-buying and concert-going.

Maybe it is cliche that I'm secretly referring to a secret.

Maybe I'm obvious. I'm sure I am to a handful.

I'm very excited about the coming of the new season. No, that's not cliche at all. At least not on this site. That...was sarcasm.

The tee-shirt I'm wearing makes me cliche. RyRo may approve on some levels.

I just wanted to let everyone know that I think Seth rocks the white sunglasses well. This is a trend that I stole from Ben years ago, but I've become accustomed to a certain pair of black glasses for the last year. Once again, both make me cliche. I'm a copy cat trend whore who borrows and steals, but I never write it off as my own.

Microsoft WordPad doesn't recognize accent marks.

I work in the music industry. I own two PC's and opt out of the iPhone trend. I knew if I wrote long enough I'd find something to call my own. I am not completely cliche. I am however ridiculed.

Sometimes you can't win, but I'm ok with that. Gives me something to talk about.

I love mornings in late August when the weather is cut by about 5-10 degrees...just enough to cheat summer out of its glory. Yeah...I'm going there. I'm writing the first official blog about The One Love's most cherished season. There's still a month or more to go before I'd feel legit about this...but currently, it is the season of "fake autumn." If I can stand it, I put on long sleeved cardigans each day. The children are back at school, so as far as I'm concerned I am allowed to buy new clothes and office supplies as well...and I've done just that. I came home from the mall the other day with clothes that looked like I just enrolled in prep school and I still can't figure out why. It's just what they had to sell. I'm redoing my offcie and I'm currently on my 2nd bag of mini pumpkin candies thanks to the strong aroma that knocks me in the face each time I walk into Walgreen's. (Does that have an apostrophe?) I just came across Gilmore Girls so it's obvious that I'm not getting up for an hour. Lunch break from 10-11am today. I'm overcoming the changing of season cold. I can't decide if it came because the seasons really are changing or its a mental thing. I'd like to take the common route and blame it on Cassie, but my constant speeches about inclubation periods don't leave me that choice. I stuffed myself with fruits/veggies/tea/vitamins and every natural and unnatural supplement on store shelves yesterday, and I can say that I'm shockd that I actually seem to be getting better, not worse. I feel it's too early to indulge in lusting over a season that isn't even here yet, so I'll leave it at this. It is...coming!!!!!

Here I am. In the city that was the first trip of my past, my immediate present, and perhaps my future. You never know what that crazy thing we call the future holds. The other day I was sitting in a meeting when someone was speaking to an artist that I work with. They were talking to them about some big decisions coming up in their career and how to choose which publishing company/record label/everything else is just right for them. They were speaking of a certain publishing company and the history of the building that this business is housed in. You could tell that this person was very passionate about music, the city's history and what she had known to happen in that building's past that likely defined much of what that genre of music is today. She eluded to the fact that when entering that building you feel a "presence." You can feel the "magic exude from the walls." She didn't directly ask the artist if they had felt this special sensation when visiting the building but insinuated that if they hadn't, it may not be the place for them. I stood with my back against the wall listening to this speech thinking some people are half crazy while others are in tune with things I could never imagine. I've been to places before that made me feel this way, but the feeling faded quickly. It was more about excitement and building up to expecting something than and actual overwhelming sensation that came over me. I contemplated, then let it flee from my mind and went on with my day.

Today I am sitting in the city that nurtured some of the best music I've ever fallen in love with. I don't fall in love with things because I'm told to, or because I think I'm supposed to. It just happens. A few years ago, my heart was healed after you let me down. I've never been the same. It began a snowball effect and I'm in so deep that I've learned how to cry again. There are two cities that make me feel like this. There are two bands that emerged from those places. Two bands that changed my point of view and made me feel alive again. Two bands that allow me to drown in them, without any permission, without any reciprocation. One way is fine. If it's only one way, you can never get hurt.

Tonight, even though we were lost, even though we didn't know if it was safe, we were sitting at a red light, just under and overpass and a familar building, that I had never seen before, felt like it smiled back at me as I let my teeth show. The music drowed out the sound of my heart beat and I didn't care that we had no idea where we were or what was going on. I felt safe. I felt like I was a part of something bigger than me. I felt like, even though you may have never crossed paths with this building in youf life, that your spirit radiates in this city. I'm connected with it and I feel it. If an entire city can make me feel like a cool breeze just calmed my fears, let me advise you that if a tiny building doesn't knock you off of your feet, perhaps it's not the place for you.

I've yet to see more than a few venues and bars but damnit, I love this city. It was the first runway that I ever landed on while it was someone else's last. This may just be a silly lullaby, but it's easier to heal broken hearts with music and it's easier to sleep when the person sleeping beside you isn't begging you to come out of your blogging block.

See you at Warped Tour, Chicago. A&K tomorrow night. You game?

It hasn't even been an entire week and I've fallen in love. It's just the beginning of our yearly relationship, but summer already has my heart.

In just six short days I've found more ways to embrace the Tennessee summer than I have in the my first three attempts.

A holiday pool party turned into an afternoon under a picnic pavilion with my friends sipping on the collection of British beer and cider from my fridge while we watched crazy rednecks swim in a pool while lightning illuminated the skies around us.

The work week seemed to take forever while I peeked through my office blinds at the sunshine which was covered by clouds by the time the work day was over.

I was almost in the clear on Thursday night. Songwriter's nights at The French Quarter have made a dent in my Thursday nights lately, and you can't go wrong with last call Cosmos and midnight movie premieres.

Friday's road trip to Knoxville to see The Crash Moderns felt so much like a 2005 Click Five show that it almost made me cry. We ended up in a brigade of cars which included a tour bus, a mini-van with a tagged tralier, a few motorized wheel chairs that didn't keep up for long, and cars full of groupies who had no doubt been playing this game with Brett Michaels since his hey day.

After making sure the minivan was expertly stuffed behind a dumpster we piled as many people into a car as possible and after three restaurants ended up in an iHop. Late night waffles and egg beaters remind me of my favorite summer on record.

We drove until the sun came up with one passenger passed out in the back seat wrapped in my sweater while I explored the contents of someone else's ipod. We sang at the top of our lungs and had the air conditioning blasting in attempts to keep ourselves awake until the sun rose.

Waking up at 2:30pm, running to mail bridal shower invitations at the post office and a bit of Krogering before throwing on my swimsuit and heading to the pool sounds more and more like summer to me. I always love eating on patios when the weather is nice and an evening game of mini golf reminds me of childhood vacations. Sonic drive-ins and polaroid pictures make for a good end to the night.

I may not have a beach anymore, but I think I'm going to be okay.

Sometimes you look too far. Sometimes you'd just rather not know. One picture. One message. One tiny piece of the story can change everything. Sometimes what you think is one way, never really was, but you worry about the past anyway. I'm a little too curious sometime.

I wear my heart on my sleeve and I have a hard time sympathizing when everyone around me keeps it tucked tight.

Sometimes knowing someone on a very shallow level is all you really need. Reserve the deep relationships for the people who deserve them. Many times my deeply rooted relationships seem one-sided. I let people get away with a lot. I give the benefit of the doubt more than I think is healthy. I need to stop looking so far and wait for people to throw their secrets at me instead of stumbling upon them.

Sometimes I over-react.
Sometimes I get screwed over.

My favorite rockstar just became my new favorite blogger. I can never get enough and it's about time there was something to indulge in on these late nights when work is sparse and I've had enough live music and drinking in the past two weeks to do me good for awhile. I don't know how I got so lucky, but right when I began bitching that all the good blogs were gone, I found just what I was looking for.
A little over two years ago my friends and I began a tradition. We had a vibrant living area with one brightly painted red wall, a large red couch and red chair that always made me wish a tiny blue dog would jump on it. It all started when I made a lucky trip to the mall and found a rare treasure at a not so frequently visited record store. As much as I adore your voice with an acoustic guitar and treasure that small collection of heaven in my ears, it is indeed the bonus video footage that made me fall head over heels. Night after night when I was finished galavanting around town passing out free ink pens and sticky notes for a lite rock radio station, I'd come home and rest my feet and pop you in. All four of you. I'd skip straight to the live section. You probably expect this to be some large scale arena show taped to make a few bucks off of a DVD sale, but you'd be wrong. Instead I watched 4 songs over and over and over and over again. 4 kids, on the verge of being emo enough to start a trend revolution, playing in a living room with their friends within arms reach surrounding them on all sides singing every word and banging out every drum beat on their thighs. It was the epitome of the show that you all really want to attend. For all I know, they were paid to be there, but they surely knew every fucking word that was sung and as far as I could tell, these kids loved this band! Every night, for months, I escaped from my world and felt like I was there in this little Chicago apartment being a part of what I recognize as a moment in music history. In this town a band was born. Now, you all either love them or hate them. But, I could never turn my back for anything. I'm in too deep.

Every night when I watched it, I turned it up a little louder and my roommates hated me a little more. I only turned it up to drown out the sounds of my heart beat. I wanted to be there so bad. I wanted my favorite band to play in my living room. A few months later that red living room that I sat in every night was rearranged. We brought in a PA, some IKEA lighting, a few candles and a few six packs. We also brought in a man with a large beard to play guitar and sing into a mic that was on the wrong type of stand. On a breezy spring night in April 2006 Red Hot Room opened for business. We never made a penny, but surely paid ourselves in memories.

Looking back on it now, having that lucky find in a record store caused so much more than a few tears when I listened to those acoustic tracks or engulfed myself in that DVD. Finding that tiny gem was the catalyst for this entire project. Yes, The One Love. Both the friendships formed between the people living in that apartment and the amazing artists that took the "stage" in our dining room led to the bonds that formed The One Love. These people are a part of my every day life now, but I can guarantee you that when four of our very own bloggers plugged in, in my living quarters, I felt like I had the world at my fingertips.
Not to mention, it's not a secret to anyone that the business mind of one particular bassist and entrepreneur who played in that tiny hard wood room filmed for that DVD was exactly the inspiration I needed to take the passion and love of my friends and guide it into the form which is now this site. Yes, I copied you. I'm not saying I made it better, but I made it our own.

Thank you to a large cat in the urban jungle, an italian ice cream parlor and the man who makes my heart beat to his beats like no other. I think I'll take a visit to your landmark. It's my Abbey Road.

I'm so (not) over you. (But, And), I am (not) over waiting for you.
I 'carpe diem' the hell out of every day.
Just when I grab the bull by the horns, it manages to wiggle it's way out.
My (insecurities, fate) loosen(s) my fingers just enough so it all starts to slip away.

It's so much (more, less) about hating the circumstance than hating any of you.
I wish (everyone, nobody) would/could hurry and catch up to my flighting hope.

Every day begins with the right foot, and usually ends with a weak knee.
I rebound like it's my job.
My job is to live my life. I do that "to the fullest" thing 85% of the time. I'm just getting (tired, started).

I'm tired of putting on the smile.
The forced smile used to permeate through my body, effecting my entire state of being.
It's so routine now and has lost its touch.

I'm looking (for, past) the next step.

85% never amounts to much. It's < perfect.

I worry as much as I breathe. You changed me. (...better, ...worse)
Escaping sorrows and looking toward the sun used to be my favorite pastimes.
I want to pull an "about me" section out of the non-existant archives and post it again.

Tell me you have the time. Now.
...either of you.

Here is another one of my late night rants before going out of town far earlier in the day than I ever like to be awake. I'm not in a creative mood. I'm not even that "awake." I'm bored and frustrated, not being able to sleep and thought I'd send a little hello out to The One Lovers! You all will be in NYC next week for The One Love Crashes New York, right!? I better see everyone there! The show is going to be fantastic! Beginning this weekend, you will be able to bid on songs for Ben and Nate to play during the show. If you win the auction, they have to play the song, no matter what it is! All money raised from these auctions will go to The American Cancer Society! Also, of course, all ticket proceeds will go there as well.

We are so pumped to have our good friends and bloggers Olivia and Chris Stahl (you just have to say both names) playing the show! Also, special guest Matt Bair!

The past few weeks have been absolutley wonderful. I've seen so many great shows, met some amazing people and had twist of fate after another put a little dent in my rare bout of emoness. I subscribe to the teachings of "The Secret," as do a handful of my close friends and we are on fire right now! The Secret is all about positive thinking and putting out positive energy while attracting it right back to you. If you have no idea what I am talking about, it's totally worth the read, or a night with your DVD player. I recommend the book though, since it's easier to reference. I don't discount my belief that prayer helps me through my day and is the ultimate deciding factor in my fate, but positive thinking never hurt anyone.

Tonight my friends and I threw a going away party for our dear friend Cassie. Don't worry, she's not leaving The One Love, just Nashville, to open up a new office for the company that her and I own, in New York! I'm very excited for her and for the future of our company! So, all of you heading out to the show this week, make a new local friend!

Ok, I think the sleepiness may be kicking in...at least I'm going to give it another try. I'll be out at the crack of dawn and hitting a Hanson show someplace in PA by nightfall, only to see one of my fave bloggers Mr. Steve Duchardt!! Then, trekking to New Jersey for the night before heading off to Bamboozle for 2 days of some of the best music out there!! I am particularly looking forward to seeing All Time Low, booking it across the venue to see Cobra Starship, then booking it back to see The Academy Is... Now, that's a workout I can live with! It will be sooooooooo much better than the elliptical and my ipod!

Sweet dreams kids!
xo, Jade

I think we all want to hear how your impromptu performance went the other evening...

This is all. :o)

For some reason, I think that if I write this, it will help it last longer. It will help the hope last long enough to become the beginning of what is supposed to be. It will help me stop wondering and start knowing. It will help me pass the time while I get to the good part. It will take away the fear that the past is just a precursor to the future. It will give me something to come back and show you if this should ever work out. It will make me realize that all of the signs I beg for are sitting right in front of me. It will put it out there and make me stop hiding it.

I have felt very strongly about a lot of things that have never done anything but disappoint me, but who says giving up on hope is going to move anything forward. I'm not going to let it be. I'm going to let it become...

There's that song on every CD that you play more than others. It's this intangible object that you just can't get enough of. You sing it so loud and so strong that you can hardly catch your breath and you beat out the rhythm on your knee so hard that it turns them red. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. It comes in different sizes, shapes, colors and flavors; but it's got that "thing." In people, I call it charisma. In music, I don't know what to call it, but it's there. Sometimes the words speak to you like no other. A song comes along and it's just right for you for just that moment in time and if you would have heard it a day earlier, or later, you would have passed it by. Sometimes the drums just seem to beat with the exact rhythm of your heart. Once you fall in love, there are days that it makes you cry.

I never understood people who cried at weddings. Crying when you're happy? It just didn't seem natural. I've questioned this spectacle that happens in every movie that features a wedding since a young age. Perhaps it's because I've never been in love. It took me awhile to realize this. You see, sometimes I take silly quizzes on Facebook that my friends send me. They don't mean anything, they just pass the time. Often they ask questions like, "Have you ever been in love?" Well, I dunno. A few years ago i wouldn't have hesitated when replying "Yes, of course!" Now, I stop and question my answer. The fact that I have to question it at all says a lot. I'm confident at this point saying, "No, I haven't." Whatever I thought "love" was between me and any person, in the sense of some sort of romantic relationship was never really that...well...real. I remember the first time I cried out of joy. July 15, 1998. Nissan Pavilion. Bristow, VA. BSB. I didn't understand what was happening. It just did. It didn't happen often after that, but as I've gotten older and learned to appreciate my surroundings and my life I tend to cry constantly. Mind you, this isn't out of fear, loss or dissappointment. No, only out of happiness. If I cry related to any negative emotion, other than physical pain, somebody has really hurt me. It's so rare. These days, the thing that most commonly makes me cry is music. Obviously it's a good thing. The moment most any band that I'd pay to see goes on stage I instantly cry. It doesn't last long. It's just a few tears accompanied with laughter. It's instant and quick, and the best thing I can call it is love. Love. The One Love.

My favorite cries? The first moment I saw McFly take the stage in Glasgow. Please, Please. Acoustic FOB set in a small hallway for 30 unamused students and my heart. Patrick Stump accompanying Gym Class for Clothes Off somewhere in CT. Millennium. FF5 on the 5 covers of CCM. FOB - Hey Chris in Bournemouth and the moment I got that ticket! " _ _ _ _ _   _ _ _ _ hold my hand!" McFly - Friday Night - Blackpool. The moment I got my Wonderland CD the first time, after months of getting it back after going lost and getting a new unscratched copy just this week and getting to drown in "Don't Know Why." Seeing The Click Five on TRL...or maybe just riding up the escalator to get to the studio. Don't even ask me the first song, but Son of Dork in London. Sneaking into that Hawk Nelson show during GMA week. No Doubt - pit - DC. Being forced to see The Click Five in Cincinatti and all the sparkles that caught my eye. All Time Low "Vegas." The Wonderland DVD. BSB/Click Radio City. BSB at the NorVA. Driving 12 hours to see Mr. Hilton play in a sportsbar. McFly - "I Wanna Hold You" in Sheffield...or in any place for that matter! ;o) Buying Infinity on High. Anytime I get Royal Mail. I digress.

I realized recently that the reason I don't know how to answer those "love" questions is because I never was in love. Never have a had an experience with some boy that has touched me as much as a song. Never have I been reuinted with some guy after a long wait and instantly had tears well up in my eyes. I've cried, yes, but always because I've been hurt. So, here's my answer, Facebook quiz. No. I have never been "in love." The Princess of Genovia waited for her toe to pop. I'm waiting to cry and smile at the same time. I know what makes me cry and smile at the same time, and for now they have my heart. My family, my God and my MUSIC!!

What spawned this realization? Royal mail, knocking on my door. I know that knock. Any packages smaller than a cd are put into my box. Any packages larger than a cd are dropped off at the apt office. CDs are rubber banned to my door knob. Maintenance yells "maintenance" when knocking and my friends knock much weaker than the mail man. I buy any American music from the store, mainly Target or a handful of indie record stores in several states. I'm not an iTunes shopper. I can't give up one of most intimiate experiences I have in my life on a constant basis. Buying a CD. It's 11:30 am. There's a knock. It must be Royal Mail.

We are the lovers.
If you don't believe me,
just look into my eyes...
because the heart never lies.

I've been crying all day.

The only bad thing about Flake bars is that tiny pieces fall onto your clothes, melting and leaving tiny little stains. This happens often on British trains, or when you're lucky enough to get a few International treats in your Easter basket, and you're lying in your childhood bed while pretending to be in the office.

I woke up yesterday to the sounds of an owl. A high "hoo" followed by three lower pitched "hoos". I kept listening to it. There was no rhyme or reason, as far as I could tell, to the times at which the bird would decide to "hoo," but when it did decide to, the four calls were eerily perfect time and time again.

I was walking around olde towne Franklin last week, while my mother was in town visiting, and thought that I saw an owl on a roof. It seemed to be glaring at me. I began to feel nervous when I realized it was just a weathervane.

After hearing the calls of the owl yesterday morning, I finally got out of bed and headed downstairs to tell my father how eerie it was to be woken by an owl as I had not heard that noise for as long as I can remember. Not to mention, thinking I had seen one just days before.

Perhaps they don't actually inhabit Tennessee. I grew out of knowing interesting animal facts when I was in grade school, so I really have no idea. I am pretty sure, however, that they do live around Richmond. There was this kid that lived down the road from me when I was in elementary school, and probably through high school. He was one of those kids that was the butt of everyone's jokes and at some point just seemed to dissappear, even though he hadn't gone anywhere at all. Maybe it was the fact that at some point, middle school happened. I wasn't in charge anymore and instead of being the right-hand man to the kids who made fun of the other kids, they all turned on me and made my life hell. At this point I felt for the kid, and once I gained my dignity back in high school, I felt bad for the kid and probably just ignored that he existed as to not feel bad for badgering him as a child. Anyway, this kid's mother was a local park ranger, or something of the sort, and to add to his list of things to tease him about, his mother would often visit our classrooms bringing in stuffed owls. I'm not talking toy store stuffed, I'm talking dead and mounted. She'd also bring along samples of their droppings. At the time, it was kind of fascinating, but at this point in my life, when I should have grown to have more respect for science and our environment, I know there's no way in hell that you'd get me to touch, or dissect, owl shit!

My father laughed at my assumption and informed me that it was no owl that I was hearing, but a dove. Apparantly doves frenquently sit on the roof above my old room, and only on that side of the house. As far as I could remember I had never seen a dove in my life, or a live owl for that matter. For a moment, I felt blessed.

I began to research the calls of a dove to find out if this one was trying to tell me, or another dove, something important. I soon found out that doves are a hunted animal. I dunno, I mean, I know wild birds are often hunted, but hunting a dove to me is like hunting a butterfly. Not that I particularly support or protest hunting of any sort, really. 
Deer scare the hell out of me. They are probably one of my most feared animals. This fear dates back to a childhood story about a deer ramming some man's small Gremlin and kicking him to death. Living on a road with many deer sightings, I've always been unusually afraid of the animal. Deer heads make good props for FOB videos. That's my extent of appreciating the deer. Hunt them. But, a dove? Isn't there at least some Holy law that forbids this kind of sport? Do people eat them?

I came upon a restaurant last month, during an evening when I was determined to eat someplace that I had never eaten before, since we tend to stick to the same locations. We came across the Sportsman's Lodge. Now, the name and the fact that i was entering a giant log cabin should have tipped me off, but for some reason I was okay with the choice when entering. Smokey Bones looks like a log cabin, the Arby's, which also houses a delicious Mexican restaurant, near my house, looks like a ski lodge, hell, it even reminded me of Disney World, but the more I sat in this restaurant, the more disgusted I became. As I slowly ate my French Dip, I couldn't help but notice the abundance of wildlife staring at me from the walls. I felt as if that elk was saying, "Hey, you think that's cow you're eating, but it's really my rear end." Half way through the meal, I stopped eating and eagerly awaited the check. My friends began to stare at one another with a look of fear in their eyes, accentuated with a slight grin, and I knew they were feeling the same way. Once we paid, we booked it out of there.

A few weeks later, as I was driving home from work, I was passing the restaurant. It's in a high-traffic mall area, and sits very close to the interstate. There is a thin wire fence and a few sparse twig-like trees that separate those businesses from the interstate. More into my music than the road, something suddenly caught my eye. Standing there, between 8 lanes of rush hour traffic and the tiny metal fence that separates the road from the wilderness lodge, stood no less than 5 deer. For a moment, of course, I feared them darting toward my Jeep. For the other half of that second, I felt safe, as if that restaurant would have their heads mounted on the wall before they'd have a chance to ruin my paint job.

I didn't hear the dove when I woke up this moring, just my phone vibrating to let me know the work day had begun and I slept through my getting ready time. I'll let you know when I come across an olive branch.

if you swear to listen.

also, i really enjoyed picking this up today.

I would really like to see FOB play in Antarctica and clench a Guiness title. I'd like to dance, dance with the penguins. Can somebody priceline a flight to the most southern tip of S. America for me? At that point, I will inflate this and paddle over.

MONSTER TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! is. back.

i feel like i'm not allowed to love you the way that i used to, but i love you still.

i don't mind being seen as cliche. i remember the last time i remembered how spring is supposed to feel. that cd became my newfound friend. i saw it as different. i may live for music, but it doesn't mean i've heard it all. nothing is original in the scheme of things, but any one thing can be original to any one person. why else would anyone bother creating anything. i guess you could play on reminiscent, which is what this is doing for me at this moment. the timing is perfect. i can't wait to prop my toes up on my dash, put down the windows, and remember that day.

i want to stand up and say "nothing you say can take that away from me"... but unfortunately something you said already has. but, in ten days, when i walk down the aisle, fast enough that you can't exactly classify it as a run, and get my hands on it, you can NEVER take that feeling away from me! for that one second, if only one second, i will be focused on nothing more than what i want. call it selfish, but i've got to look out for myself. you've only ruined it for yourself. don't forget why you came here. don't forget what made you have that feeling. i don't know how it feels in you, but i'm pretty sure it's close to the way it feels in me. don't let them taint your dreams and don't take out your frustrations on me because i play two roles.

[you] try so hard to be in the spotlight but the ones i admire took my attention and i never even recognized you. stop giving it up because now i loathe even your credible efforts.
jealousy will never replace hard work. shrug it off. the heart never lies.

:30
a new day is here. chocolate's endorphins really do change your mood. maybe it was just new music. i can vouch for the power of a good tune.
music is my anti-drug. jack is my anit-beer.
i'm over whatever i was under. i spilled it on the screen and hid it. let's just look at this as an opportunity. the hormones were distracting my focus.

pretty. excited.

Last February was pretty much one of the worst memories of the recent past. According to the secret, which I am currently obsessed with, I shouldn’t even be talking about this or it will happen again. This February, all who believed in “The February Theory,” changed the way we thought, and you know what…we survived! Not only did we survive, but we kind of had a good month. I refer to the term “we” as my friends and I. In February I (we)...

+ saw an AMAZING show at The Bluebird starring Sean McConnell, Tyler Hilton and Lori McKenna while sharing burnt sweet potato fries with good friends
+ finally got to watch “Across the Universe” again, but this time while eating sushi and hummus
+ hopped in the car wearing a t-shirt I thought I’d never sport and ended up in Clarksville where they have penny beers! The Crash Moderns rocked my world and then taught me how to play beer pong. (How did I get through a state-supported university and frequent frat parties and never play this!?) I didn’t quite understand the concept at this point in the night and ended up cheating while partnering with some redneck chick who caght the ball in her cleve. Of course we ended up at a diner that had amazingly bad for you food and returned to Nashville at 5ish am. This was far earlier than I had expected actually.
+ finally got to tour the mysterious giant BMI building
+ FF5 in Chatty. This was the day I most efficiently utilized the electric outlet in my jeep by curling my hair on the way to eastern TN.
+ watched Josiah play an amazing show at the Rutledge
+ sat by one of my friends, as she sang to one of my other friends by association, his songs to him while dining at a sushi joint that wasn’t serving sushi at this hour
+ met a girl who Wentz has thrown up on
+ holiday gift shopping is one of my favorite pastimes!
+ received my annual batch of scandalous celebrity valentines and giant bag of candy
+ received a large chocolate man which I have vowed to melt in my fondue pot
+ got a new TV!!
+ ended up at Krispy Kreme right when the hot doughnuts were rolling out of the oven. Not something I indulge in often, but it’s totally worth it!
+ FF5 in Owensboro, KY – home of the best Mexican food I have ever had! New FF5 music!!
+ Threw Lila an amazing birthday party and was very proud of my cupcake masterpiece
+ One of those classic cab rides you tell stories about for years
+ Birthday dinner with friends I don’t get to see often enough
+ Ice Cream Cake in a swanky hotel room
+ Planned and executed Stellar Kart’s “Secret” CD Release Party and it went so much better than I could have imagined! Cake, glowsticks, dinosaurs, balloons and hot t-shirts make any party a hit!
+ Fell in love with Metro Station!

Marching to the sound of love…

The first day of March was fabulously productive. Went to see Charlie Bartlett tonight after high recommendation from one of the stars of the movie, and subsequently one of our own bloggers, Mr. Tyler Hilton. Please take the time to see this movie to 1. Support Tyler and 2. See a wonderful movie that you’ll want to see again. So many witty jokes.

Oh, and did I mention that I am ending my anti-blogging streak because I fainlly have a beautiful, handsom new laptop who I’ve decided to name Evan after faux boy band member turned TLC host Mr. Evan Farmer, whose half-naked bear skin rug photoshoot will surely lead to my embarassment soon. So, I might as well call myself out on it now and do something drastic like name my newest prized posession after the incident.

This blog’s getting too long and is full of typos since I’m watching tv trash while typing. So, here’s my apology. Let’s end it here.

Blogging used to be my outlet for emotional distress. That was when the only person who read what I had to say was me when I stumbled back over it time and time again. Now that everyone’s looking, I have to be more careful. I’m not good at blogging about happy things, because happy things don’t need to be sorted out, just celebrated. I verbalize happy things. I write to sort out my problems. It’s kind of weird. I have so many close friends that either read this site or are involved in it and sorting my problems out has gone from private to public. I have written about 20 blogs in the past month sorting out my daily dilemmas, yet none of them ever get posted. It's hard having to edit myself. I feel like I edit myself on a daily basis. With blogging. With phone convos in an office. With mixing business and pleasure. This job is a lifestyle and I think I’m starting to understand what being famous is like more and more. Please note, I said "understanding what it's like" NOT "on the verge of becoming" - please, give it to anyone else! This stresses me out enough. I’m beginning to sympathize with ol Brit Brit rather than just watching her like a spectacle. I’m nobody and she’s everyone’s somebody. Shouldn’t we have seen it coming with “Lucky?”

On a happier note, I stumbled across a post it note that was hiding under my paper weight. Yes, I have a paper weight on my desk. It is personal and was given to me as a gift from a very close friend. It’s probably one of the best gifts I’ve ever been given. Other than that whole gift of life thing. Back to the post it. It lists, other than a reminder to pay my electric and insurance bills, a number of albums that are on their way this year that I am thoroughly looking forward to.

These include:

Family Force 5

Hawk Nelson

Simple Plan

Panic! at the Disco (the ! lives on in my heart)

Tyler Hilton

McFly

The Crash Moderns

...and though I have no indications other than an optimistic outlook, I really, really hope I get to add Fall Out Boy to the list!!

This should make a very emotional year. I’ll get at least 7 happy blogs out of the next 11 months, right?

Off to work on resolutions that begin in February…

What follows is the result of three tries and a whole lot of compromise between what I want to say and what I don't want you to know. 

--- 

It takes a lot to make me cry. It only comes when something is missing. Whether it’s love, respect, inclusiveness…tonight it was appreciation. I do a lot for people. I’m not one to expect something in return. I do for others because it makes me happy. Generally I don’t really like receiving gifts. Weird, I know. I take gift buying as a serious affair. I put more thought into buying a small gift for a loved one, than the decisions I make about my own purchases. I want to make sure the gift that I present shows that I care, I listen and I appreciate someone for whom they are. When I receive a gift, many times it’s impersonal. I know it’s the thought that counts, but sometimes a bad gift is just a sign of doing something because, well, that’s what you are supposed to do and a lot less about doing something because you want to do it. I love Christmas gatherings and birthday parties because I love seeing someone being truly surprised at a well thought out gift. I like to surprise people. If I want something, I usually go out and get it, so surprising me is pretty difficult. I’ve been surprised a handful of times in my life and those memories are priceless. I’ve also been given a small number of gifts that were obviously well thought out and meaningful and they are displayed proudly throughout my abode. When a gift is to be presented because of a special occasion, or out of appreciation I don’t usually expect much. I take the time to apologize when I’m wrong, though it sometimes takes awhile, and give thanks when I’m grateful. I expect the same in return. Words cost nothing and could be one of the best gifts one can give. When you can expand your gratitude for others to see, it becomes even more special. When you are given this opportunity, taking it could be the difference between tears of joy and tears of disappointment. Take the time to shout out loud when you love, appreciate or care for someone. It can’t hurt anything.

This is when I start to back away. I know how to run. I’m even better at hiding. Excuse my while I lie down and second guess my profession.

I am at home for Christmas. I always stretch myself beyond my limits trying to make time to visit with everyone in Richmond before I leave. This time my family and friends have made scheduling easy on me and I've gotten to do more than I usually do. Tonight I went with two good friends of mine, Michelle and Jason, to the botanical gardens to see millions of holiday lights. On the last stop at the gardens we entered the library to be greeted with what you will see below. These holiday wishes were written by hundreds, maybe thousands, of people young and old. At first, while reading them, I thought to myself, wow, some people can be really shallow. I then had to stop and think that I could not judge a person on a mere few words written on a post it note. These people could be any age, at any point in their life, they could be having a bad day, the best day of their year, they could be rich, poor, optimistic, depressed etc. etc. etc. Still, I stood there looking at this wall and reading these wishes for what I'm sure was a period of time longer than anyone really wanted to wait for me. See below to experience a little of what I experienced. I could have stayed all night!

The day that I start researching a band’s early music and figuring out how to purchase it is the day that I realize I just made a much, much larger purchase than a few songs to add to my collection. It’s the day that I add them on Myspace. The day I begin to announce to my traveling compadres that road trips will ensue. It’s the day that I reevaluate my current list and decide at what level I shall place this band in my ever growing list of priorities. I often state my decision on hypothetical situations to help myself wrap my mind around how much I love something. It changes often within the core group but it takes something grand to break into the scheme.

I don’t know if I’m on that path right now, but I fear its coming. None of the others seem to be biting so that might nip it before I even let it begin. I’m wrapped around four at the present time and stretching my clock and wallet to the extreme.

For the record, this is how I fell in love with you…
1. The Christmas cover of AP. A mall gift card as a gift from the station manager. A 10 hour ride home for Christmas. The first show cost a few hundred bucks via eBay and a six hour road trip. I saw ‘Grenade Jumper’ in Bournemouth, circa 2007. I went to that Chicago secret show. Kelli surprised me with tix and a train ride and CT kept me going.

2. One bad poetry reading in a car. One Myspace visit. 24 bars of “I Wanna Hold You” before I made a call “We’re going to England!” We’ve been three times now.

3. Five cute boys and a couch plastered on a dorm room computer screen. One convincing phone call. “Pop Princess” in the bathroom. Glittery guitar straps. 50 some shows and then there was England. Now there’s this site. It’s changed, but it’s still special to me.

4. Her radical shirt intrigued me and kind of made me jealous. I wanted to see Hawk Nelson. She wanted to see them. I made a deal. A 10 hour car ride home for a funeral. A late entrance after getting my nose pierced. It must be the glitter on the stage. TV taping and I’m in love again. 

Who will be next?

Thank you for giving me something to love. Thank you for letting me do something that I love for a living. Thank you for loving me back. All you need is love.

Without a doubt. It never fails. Tears are in the forecast. It never rains when I’m in my new world. The clouds may hang, but they quickly move off before anything begins to fall.

Talking behind my back never hurts me because I never have to hear it. You can’t please everybody all of the time and you have to look out for yourself so a small dose of shit talking is inevitable amongst friends. I find it healthy. I find that it’s more about talking your way through something that is bothering you about another, and working it out on your own, rather than making a problem for someone else who never even realized there was a problem at all.

Then there are people who want to nip a problem at the moment they realize it is bothering them. They make a suggestion though you think everything’s fine. You consider it and move on. You continue to do things the way you always do, being the careful, thoughtful and motivated person that you are and they just can’t take it. It blows up. You are labeled with words you loathe. Words you feel are the opposite of everything you exemplify. As a child you take the title that the authority gives you and let it eat away at your confidence. You are what they say you are. As an adult it hurts just as bad but you realize you are only what you make of yourself and don’t let the labels inhibit your ability to continue to search for happiness or live in the world you have created. You still let it all out. It hurts now that someone you think is supposed to adore you only sees you for your small negativities which everybody has. Everyone says “nobody’s perfect,” but only usually refers to themselves and never applies it to those around them. I know nobody’s perfect. I have taken the time during the past year, even more time since October, to find the good in my friends and remember why they are in my life. I find myself having to “talk out” these so-called problems less and less and wanting to spend more and more time with people who I at one point brushed off.

I don’t know if people in my life do this because they are not happy with themselves. Perhaps they do it because they are not happy with what I have become, even though it is the life that I have built for myself that makes me happy. It seems that when they see that other people appreciate me, that they find more appreciation for me themselves. It’s about loving what’s acceptable I suppose. I don’t have the ultimate admirer. I’m not completely worried about it. Other people make me more worried than any amount of worry that I could pull from myself. I know that social standards are based on some facts. I know that the clock’s ticking. I also know that I am happy. Most of the time. At least in my world. I do know that I try. I do know that I am successful. I don’t know if there’s any hope for my socially acceptable future. I do know that I find it more than appealing. I don’t know if I should make changes to what’s presented or look for someone who accepts what I have been presenting all along. It’s rare that I get upset. As of late any form of sadness has been triggered by new experiences, which only makes them better for learning. I feel like I just traveled back in time. Not like the moment I felt in Sheffield. More like the times that I wanted it all to end, but not nearly as awful. Sitting in the same chair, in the same position that I used to sit during one of the roughest times in my life that accompanied my deepest secret isn’t really making me feel any better. Sometimes reminiscing is good, especially if you can learn from it. Sometimes you are worn out and weak from all that you do that you don’t have the strength to fight your past and recognize your present, especially in these surroundings. I wish the break was over. I live for the future. It’s not always a bad thing.

I can't sleep. I can never sleep before getting on planes. I also cannot sleep unless there is a certain level of darkness in my room. Though I raved earlier about the new bright lights outside of my apt and how safe they made me feel, I have now realized that one is mounted directly outside of my bedroom window and I would go buy curtains if I weren't flying to London tomorrow afternoon and needed both the sleep time and the cash for other reasons.
I just got one of the best haircuts that I've ever had. I ate my detox meal before leaving the country this time. My apt is fully decorated for Christmas, minus the tinsel on the tree which I am saving for a welcome home activity. My bags are nearly packed and I'm actually going to sleep at a decent hour. The morning will bring much stress. We're catching a flight from the ATL and everytime I type those letters I get a certain song stuck in my head. That should help the sleep cycle move along nicely.

Anyway, this blog is more about the following than the aforementioned:

 
Cassie and I will be flying to London tomorrow, arriving Friday morning, taking a train directly to Birmingham and enjoying an evening filled with good music. I am in the mood for cheap Euro chocolate and a good teeny bopper magazine. I am so pumped because I just found out that the flat we will be staying in for the last week of the trip has a WASHING MACHINE!! This means smelling fresh and bringing less clothes to lug up and down train station stairs. I think I'm far more prepared for this European adventure than those past. I'm really looking fwd to Bournemouth. I'm also looking forward to going to a British mall and meeting a British Santa Clause. I'm not sure how different it will be, but I'm hoping it could be interesting enough to spark an entire blog. 

Ben flies in early next week. We will be meeting with a few charitable organizations while in town and are looking to do some volunteer work as well. Once we have these plans set, we will let you guys know so you can join us. If you are in London, COME OUT TO THE SHOW ON TUES!! I wanted to mention that the "and friends" section of this flyer may be shaping up to make this one of the best shows ever. Who knew things like this could happen in this lifetime? When confirmed, I will spill. Until then, stay tuned for lots of blogging while we are across the pond...and if you see us at a McFly show, come up and say hello!

Is it too early...or too cliche to say "Cheers!"?
-Jade

 
Just thought I’d throw this out there. There is one physical object that I’d like to be the owner of and I have had no luck in the past few years finding it. I’ve began looking again recently and still…nothing. This object is “Take this to your Grave” on vinyl. If anyone has any leads, send me a msg on Facebook or something. Sigh. Still happy. Still similing!!

Caroline Bocko
New Media Guru
Message Board Mod Extroidinaire

 ...besides the fact that ticket sales were only for people within like 100 miles of the venue...but that's besides the point.

They just announced on the news that theres a bunch of mothers who have gotten together to sue Miley Cyrus's fan club because they were too slow to get their spoiled children tickets. All theyre asking for is their $30 in fan club memberships back.

The fan club CLEARLY stated that tickets were not garunteed. It CLEARLY stated that fan club members get a CHANCE at tickets before the general public.

If you have a brain, you know that they obviously just wanted people to shell out money for the fan club.

Also, if you have a brain, you know that the CD you bought for your 5-year-old bundle of spoiled joy had a 30-day free membership to said fan club. Which you could have used for your CHANCE at tickets. Which really weren't as hard to get as freakishly scary soccer moms on a powertrip think. I could have made 3 orders of tickets the day fan club went on sale (if I'd had enough money in the bank)...trust me...I looked up tickets after my first order went through...just to see how they were selling....
I could have made quite a few more orders the day they went on sale to the public too.

So maybe these mothers should sue themselves for being stupid and slow and not knowing how to buy concert tickets for their spoiled children??

Just a thought.

I think I'm just sick of hearing about these crazy moms trying to make other people pay because they couldn't get tickets to this show. And acting like NO ONE got tickets except scalpers. Excuse me. Some 20 y/o fans want to go too...and we know how to click "buy tickets".

I have this hobby of constantly updating my “Who I’d like to meet” section on my Myspace page. Mostly because I constantly discover new people on this Earth that do amazing things and that I’d like to tell how incredibly wonderful they are.

When I get to erase someone from the list, it’s almost a bittersweet moment. Yes, I've met them, but I always seem to fall in love with the anticipation of accomplishing the task and that feeling dies the moment you’ve said hello, shook hands and they walk away.

I just had the pleasure of erasing one of the names on my list. It has been on there for awhile and been in my head even longer than I’ve had a Myspace page. This weekend I had the pleasure of meeting one of the best pop songwriters ever, Mr. James Bourne. He played his first songwriting showcase this weekend in New York at the Living Room. I remember being at a Jonas Bros show last month and texting Cassie “even if they did screw up the lyrics, at least I get to see a band perform Busted songs in my lifetime” Never at that moment did I think I’d ever see one of those songs performed live by a member of that band. I walked in and there he was, just sitting there smiling. I remember thinking, okay, I thought I’d be more excited than I am. Then came the first note and it dawned on me. At some point I grew past the hype and the image and the music became enough. I’m not going to say that there aren’t artists that make my heart flutter and my knees go weak, but at some point it became more than that. I pick up old pop CD’s that I used to be obsessed with that realize how awful the music was. Yet, I claimed these bands as mine. These boys were mine. I was in love with an image and they sang a few love songs to string me along. Then, there are other CD’s that I used to listen to occasionally but probably just bought because I liked the radio single. At the time I could have cared less because the band didn’t mean anything to me. I’ll put them in now and find a few amazing songs and get attached to them years later.

Sometimes you fear growing up. Sometimes you embrace it. Sometimes you step back and realize what’s important. There comes that day when you stop worrying about what others think and worry about what you think about yourself. The day that you realize that you are prettier than the kids used to say you were. The day you realize that even though someone you looked up to told you that you couldn’t do it, that you can. The day that you begin to enjoy what life has to offer and stop letting it pass you by while you chase things that you may never catch.

Enjoy the chase...just take the time notice everything passing by the window while you’re on your way.

My current “Who I’d like to meet” list is as follows:

Paul McCartney. Brian Wilson. Walt Disney. Crouton. William Beckett. Keith Urban. Sammy Stevens. Hemingway Wentz. 

I plan to knock one out tomorrow.

So, it's one of those nights when I have to wake up really early to catch a flight and I can't sleep. My space heater cuts off at the one hour point and I never fall asleep before it's off. I just heard it cut off. I only have 5 hours to sleep and now I have four and time's wasting away as I type. I tried to sleep again when I got a call and decided I'd rather chat than try to sleep. So, here I am. Reading blogs and typing my own, against my better judgement.

I'm really looking forward to all of the wonderful music I will get to experience in NYC including Family Force 5, James Bourne and of course Jorge Buccio. Jorge is an old Italian man who spends his nights at a tiny Italian restaurant getting people out of their seats and shaking their napkins. Literally.

Last night was what they call, I believe, "Country Music's Biggest Night." I recently became...gasp...a manager. I don't want to talk too much of it at this point, but everyone knows that this is eventually what I want to do. I'm only 90% confident in myself but 110% confident in this band. I really don't know what else I'm waiting to learn so I might as well go for it. Anyways, Cassie took one half of this duo to the Country Music Awards. I stayed at home, watching it on TV while eating Taco Bell. On any other given night, I'd choose dressing up for an industry event and Cassie would choose Taco Bell. In fact, at any given moment she will choose Taco Bell.

After the awards, there were parties, and who am I to pass up a good party? It was at this point that I got to dress up and head down town. I started my evening off at the Palm for the Warner Bros party. Personally, I say it was my favorite. The best part of this soiree was by far the GIANT shrimp! These were the largest shrimp I had ever seen and they tasted even better than they looked. It was also at this point in the evening that I realized "I know people." Last year while at the same party, I kind of mingled with the same people and we stuck to ourselves. We didn't know that many people and didn't really have the confidence to meet others. I realized last night how much I have grown during this year. This party was far too overcrowded, and I'm sure all of our friends "getting each other in" wasn't really helping the situation. After the 10 minute walk, squeezing from one room to the next, I realized that I had seen at least a dozen people that I knew by name and who knew me as well. I felt accomplished. I think it came full circle while standing in a small conversational circle with Cassie, Tyler and 2 of my good friends from WEA, Robert and Lisa. I introduced Tyler and Robert and then they both let me know that they knew each other. Then it dawned on me...of course! ...I then said to Tyler "Oh yeah, the first time I hung out with Robert was when he got me into your meet n greet three years ago." We all laughed and had some sort of group hug.The evening followed taking a cab across town to the Capitol party which we were far too late to enjoy, then Lyric Street where there was an amazing spread of food! Wow, I talk about food a lot. I mean, I love it!

Everyone should head out to the Knitting Factory tomorrow night to support Chap Stique and his band Family Force 5. Show is at 6:30 and tix are 10 bucks! Ok, maybe 13. http://www.myspace.com/familyforce5 I'm too lazy to look it up. 

That means it must be time for sleep. I must have energy to dance tomorrow!

This started off as an email. At some point, I decided to make it a blog. Thanks for getting me going Steve.

Sometimes you just don't know what to say. Sometimes things go a certain way because things are meant to happen. These things are far bigger than you, but you feel special knowing you are a part of them. I can honestly say that I just saw something happen that I thought would never happen, at least not in front of my eyes. I just saw a performance, that at this moment, I want to classify as "the best," but I'll take into consideration the lingering heat of the moment and say that after the shock wears off, it will end up in the top 5.
nobody puts baby in the corner.

Sometimes you get opportunities, because you work for them. You jump on the moment and give it your best shot. I work better on teams than I used to think I could.

When creating this site I wanted to make these artists and other people involved, prove that they had something to say. Prove that they had insight in this industry and in the world around them and had more to say than you can fit into 12 tracks on an album. I wanted to prove that though this industry seems to be closing in on itself, that there are a few who will be strong enough to triumph over it and create a better model. Not all artists are being used by their labels. Not all vocalists have nothing to say. Not all people living in this world that others find "elite" consider their lives to be that at all. At the end of the day, we are all just trying to make ourselves, and the people around us, happy. Today I saw 8 people, who many kids look up to as being some sort of god, speak to a group of college kids about their insight on the industry and their careers. They were far more well spoken and down to earth than some might imagine. They had educated opinions and ideas about what is happening right now and how to prepare for the future. For a group of people that I often put on some sort of pedestal, they did a fine job of staying up there in my mind. I stood there, feeling like I was watching my children speak their minds to an audience of doubters. I take up for these people at the drop of a dime, but watching them prove my opinions right in front of an audience, who turns their nose up at me when wearing this band's tee shirt, was one of the most satisfying things I could ask for.
It's nice not to drown in dissappointment for once.

So, I've, I definetley don't want to say that I've wasted, but used, half of my work day to achieve this hightened level of happiness and well...this once negative sentence is turning into something on the postive side. Let's say...who cares! I do however have work to catch up on and have no concentration in my body knowing what I just saw and knowing what I'm going to be experiencing tonight. I'm reminiscing of England. I took a train down to Bournemouth and actually purchased the last ticket to the Fall Out Boy show. I call it fate. Cassie calls it, the show that led her to the best plate of jerk chicken she's ever inhaled.

I'd never bet on it, but I feel that I can say that I know the way your head works better than half of the people I've claimed to be in love with.
"would you mind if i sat next to you and watched you smile"

Though I should be heading off to dreamland, which trust me, exists during my sleep cycle, I have the urge to blog and so I shall. I also have the urge to run to Wal Mart and pick up the new Backstreet Boys CD as it is now a few minutes past midnight in Nashville. However, the last time I tried to do this I was shut down and totally wasted my time. I believe the days of the midnight music purchase are over unless you’re at Virgin Megastore in Times Square. Although I would LOVE to be in NYC tomorrow and wait in line with 499 other crazy BSB fans, I am taking the day to drive down to quiet little Arkansas and Dance RAWR Dance my butt off!! I really need to see a good show right now. It’s been far too long and my dancin’ shoes are getting anxious. In one week I get to Dance, Dance and well, if you ever see me at a FOB show, it’s probably worth stopping and watching the spectacle that is my dancing. I never said I was good, but I do know how to have fun!
My new favorite activity is looking through Facebook pictures of The Click Five on their travels through Asia. It’s so exciting to see all of their fans going absolutely nuts for them. I really wish I could be there to see it in person. I began discussing plans for this today with Cassie and we concur that the next time this happens, we are going to see it for ourselves.
In one month exactly I will be no doubt up and still packing about to catch a plane in a few hours and fly off to London with some very cool friends of mine. I am looking forward to this trip like there’s no tomorrow. I am mainly looking forward to seeing McFly, British teeny bopper mags, cheap chocolate, train stations and did I mention McFly? This will be the longest wait, but time will fly by. There’s always so much to do before leaving the country and I really need to start planning now, especially since I get back, throw a Christmas party (this year themed Feliz Navidad!), drive to Dallas with the pops to Texas Stadium and then all the way back home for Christmas. Anybody have any suggestions for New Year’s? I did NYC last year and I'm looking for a new scene.

Even though it's becoming cliché to blog about the season around here, I too need time to put in my two cents. I love seasons. I love holidays. I love entertaining. I love life!

On Saturday I attended the Franklin, TN Pumpkin Festival with a few friends. I love the quaintness of Franklin. It reminds me of Williamsburg where I spent many autumn days as a child. Soon after arriving we all admitted that we were there for the food so Meghan and I strolled over to The Cocoa Tree. Five tiny truffles later and we had spent over 10 bucks. I must say they were well worth it. Then, we strolled around speaking to street vendors, learning of their small businesses and making a few purchases. We started to smell the aroma of fried potatoes, chicken, pickles, funnel cakes, corn dogs...You name it, they fried it. Meghan got a plate of fried potatoes and I opted for a bag of fresh kettle corn. We walked over to a tower of painted pumpkins decorated by children. This became a serious discussion of art and between the three of us we had many differing opinions. "I think I was just pushed out of the way by a Transformer!" We vacated the area. We strolled along and admired an enormous lopsided pumpkin. It was at this time that I told the tale of my pumpkin farm visit last year when Cassie decided to lie on a giant pumpkin and was scolded by a scarecrow. We continued down the road and began to browse through tiny specialty stores where I purchased a Christmas gift for my mother and reminisced about British tea parties. We watched a band, dosi-doe'd, admired a wedding party and a child that may have been dressed as a drag queen before heading out. After hitting my last booth I noticed Tyler at a distance most likely walking to his car. Didn't see any point in running across the square so here's that "hello." Do you have any interesting tales from the festival? After leaving the booth we came across a small petting zoo. Everyone else opted to go in, but I opted to keep my hands clean and eat my kettle corn. A car horn sounded and the llama began to panic. I screamed and ran. The only hoofed animal that I fancy is Lightning, MTSU's mascot. Later in the evening I joined some friends at Noshville and ordered far too many pancakes.

Today my morning plans fell through and I sat on the couch watching Hannah Montana for far too long. Later in the evening a few of us decided to visit the Nashville Zoo for their Halloween festivities. I was particularly excited about the "haunted" hayride and was not disappointed. Two displays included a giant draygon, (misspelling intended) one emerging from a swamp and one flying overhead. I was very pleased with the bubble tunnel as well! We visited the pumpkin tree, the Monster Mash dance station and watched children climb in and out of the rear end of a giant draygon/sea horse inflatable. I'm sure pictures will be coming soon. They are well worth viewing. Afterwards we (or, I) decided that Dairy Queen sounded good and spent at least an hour trying to find one that carried pumpkin blizzards. No luck. We then ended up going through the drive-thrus of Taco Bell, Jack-in-the-Box and McDonald's as we all wanted different things. My weekend is over and it's back to work, and back to healthier food, but I'm thoroughly looking forward to the Dance RAWR Dance tour on Tuesday as well as my Halloween movie night on Wednesday. My friend and I are going as "Love Addicts." What will you dress up as this year?

1. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Visit http://myspace.com/pinktogether to share your stories or read stories about how this disease has affected other people’s lives.

Also, visit the Susan G. Komen Foundation for more information on the disease, how you can help yourself detect the disease early and how you can help find a cure.

2. My friend David from the band Jackson Waters is spreading the word about his father’s new project. He is trying to raise money to rebuild the student ministry building on the campus of the University of Arkansas at Monticello. Check out this Facebook group to find out how you can help.

3. The One Love’s very own Josiah is playing a show tonight in Nashville. The show starts at 9pm sharp at Mercy Lounge and costs $10. Trust me, you don’t want to miss this. Oh, and get there early. Last time I was there, parking was horrible and I missed half of Tyler’s set. :o(

Let Josiah know you love The One Love and he’ll love you. Actually, he’ll love you anyway. He’s a really loving guy.

*Lyric borrowed from McFly. 

Sometimes people let you down. Sometimes you forget why you ever cared in the first place. Sometimes they take back their opinions and beliefs that you bought into. You realize that every word you hung onto in your mind isn't worth hanging onto anymore. Most things fade in time, no matter how strongly you think you feel about them. You start to worry that it’s all over. You start to worry that the base of the tree which your branches grew from is being cut down - and as it dies, so will all of your ideas, thoughts, beliefs, hopes and dreams.

All of a sudden, they go and do something amazing. You begin to remember why you ever cared in the first place. You remember what it was that caught you eye, your ears, your mind and your heart. You remember that time when you smiled so big that it made you cry. You remember that time that you screamed and didn’t even realize you were going to until it came out of your mouth. You remember the moment that they took your breath away. They pulled you in and you couldn’t look away – and they can do it again. They’re just that good.

Sometimes you need a soundtrack to write a blog. Drowning always makes me feel alive.

You wrote a song.
 

You wrote a letter.
 

You called me your friend.
 

You told me you were sorry.
 

You kept your distance.
 

The brain worries, reconsiders and doubts…but the heart never lies.

What an awful few days. I've been so thoroughly disgusted and/or disappointed by at least six people that I know, love or look up to that I feel like I have no place to turn. So, I wiped my eyes and turned to the person who inspired me to begin this site in the first place. I like to drown in his words, along with the rest of the 13-18 year old emo-loving kid population. I however fit none of these stereotypes but appreciate the brutal, uncensored honesty. 

"in all honesty we cant wait to get back to the states and play some shows. the one we have ready for YWT is gonna be crazy, got some ideas we have never messed with before. and i know i am always saying on here that we have some crazy suprise planned but then i dont tell the suprise- so here's one: we are going to play a couple of secret shows on the tour- duh whats new- but we are going to be playing only take this to your grave songs at these shows. keep your ears to the ground, we are going to keep these very secret."

I don't remember the last time I felt chills, but I just had a pleasant reminder of what they feel like. 

It's Sunday night and I've been working all day. The lights in this office are too bright and I've yet to buy light bulbs for the lamp in the corner. I can't figure out the heating system and my hands are struggling between finding a home in my hoodie pouch or the keyboard for any given period of time. I spent the morning in bed trying to convince myself that I wasn't pretentious, I am successful and reassured myself that between God and myself, I don't need to lend control of my life, beliefs, projects or company to the hands of anyone else. I am not ashamed of my past. I am not hiding anything. Refer to blog 1 for a description of my past which has shaped my future. However, I can't seem to escape the stereotypes of that lifestyle no matter how hard I try. Even people who I thought respected me are letting me down. Just because I said something once upon a time doesn't mean I can't change my mind, grow up and become a successful and respected adult. I find that I've been struggling with gaining respect from people who knew me in the past, for a few years now. I am a very passionate person and am not going to apologize for anything. Don't think you can change me. Don't think I'm going to necessarily accept all of your ideas, because I accept some. Respect me for the passion of my past. Respect me for who I am today. Respect my goals for the future...or get out of my way.

"tonight the headphones will deliver you the words i cannot say"

XO/Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)

Listen to it backwards for once. 

http://www.thegigrig.com/acatalog/Artists.html

Scroll far.

It was one year ago today...almost to the hour, considering it is 11:16p in the UK, that I was leaving my very first McFly show. I'm sure that doesn't seem too exciting to most, but for a girl who tried desperately to find ways to subscribe to British teeny bopper magazines, from America, through her adolescent life; seeing a real live British boy band in Scotland was quite a feat. I don't use the term "boy band" in any other way than with the greatest of respect. It all started with Alvin, Simon and Theodore and I'm still sitting here counting down to the next Backstreet album. Boy bands, you see, are my pride and joy in life. Without them, I don't think I'd be sitting here today. It is because of The Chipmunks that I loved the Monkees and because of the Monkees that I loved the New Kids on the Block and because of them that I loved the Backstreet Boys and then it just got a little crazy. There was No Authority and I'll definitely give Plus One credit for my ending up in Nashville. My walls were covered with Busted and Natural and O-Town and 98 Degrees. I loved them all! Even as an adult, this obsession has shaped my entire life and career. I met my business partner in a college dorm and we bonded over BSB. We now own a successful business and I attribute this site to none other than Ben Romans, arguably a member of a boy band.

Mozart was a pop star.
                                                                The Beatles were a boy band.

Today they come in many shapes and sizes. They are disguised. I'd like to call them out, but I'd rather respect my industry and keep its secrets. You don't even realize your favorite band is being marketed to you as a boy band. I find it fascinating. I have made a living out of it. All I know is that if it worked on you when you were 12, take a closer look at what you're buying now. It's probably not as different as you think.

This argument...speech...I'd say platform was the inspiration for this site.

After a long night at a pub in Nottingham England, The One Love was born. As of this Friday, the day you are most likely reading this, the idea will be one year old and the world can finally embrace it. It came from the idea of respect. Music is music, however you put it. Whether you like it or not, you can't condemn other people for engulfing themselves in it, the same way you engulf yourself in yours. In my opinion, its better than sex, drugs...but of course I can't argue Rock & Roll. Someone else likes cats and you like dogs. Yet, you respect them for their love of animals. Someone else cheers for another sports team, yet you can still bond over your love of the game. Someone else likes pop music and you like anything but. Why does the respect stop there? Blur the line. We're all here for the same reason. Won't you join us? Join us to bring respect to all music. Come together with people just like you. Then, take the time and energy you spend trying to differentiate yourself from them, and help them instead. Help us all in the music community...the fan...the artist...the producer...the songwriter...come together. The One Love.