xo is the simplest yet most powerful thing i can find to say

...denied human interaction so i'll indulge in written therapy. i drove the long way home contemplating sleeping on it or letting it all out on this screen. this way usually warrants a better morning. sometimes i just want to cut ties with my muse but i know you're still learning so i'm still in the stages of forgiveness. at least you gave an apology. aren't polite manners the way we're taught to lie and break hearts? i never know if your sincerity is so sincere, but i do know that i feel like i'm stuck in an avril lavigne song that's on repeat in my car. i'm tired of writing pages and pages about you but i hope something else comes to mind so i can keep the words flowing. overanalyzation is my biggest fault and i doubt i'll ever break the habit. Maybe you'll redeem yourself tomorrow but I've lost my ability to channel the positive when it comes to you which is why you can so easily break my heart 3x/day. I find it odd that I'm doing my part to throw you into the world yet I want to keep you close by my side. I don't know if there's a balance you'd ever be happy with, but I've trained for this my whole life and know how to pretend the bad parts are ok and live off of the few amazing moments that probably pass you by without any notice. I don't know if you understand your strengths and I sometimes hope you never do. If you never see how good you could be then I can keep you down enough to enjoy you on my own terms. You're lucky I'm not that kind of person and I'm only going to give you the wings to fly away without me while I keep my feet on the ground bc nobody's around to lift me up. Love isn't always equal and it isn't always fair, but it's wonderful and generous and limitless and nearly always painful. "You are exempt from the price of sin and death, but you are not exempt from the price of love. Love hurts." I've never heard words so true.