thnks fr th mmrs
October 14, 2007
What an awful few days. I've been so thoroughly disgusted and/or disappointed by at least six people that I know, love or look up to that I feel like I have no place to turn. So, I wiped my eyes and turned to the person who inspired me to begin this site in the first place. I like to drown in his words, along with the rest of the 13-18 year old emo-loving kid population. I however fit none of these stereotypes but appreciate the brutal, uncensored honesty.
"in all honesty we cant wait to get back to the states and play some shows. the one we have ready for YWT is gonna be crazy, got some ideas we have never messed with before. and i know i am always saying on here that we have some crazy suprise planned but then i dont tell the suprise- so here's one: we are going to play a couple of secret shows on the tour- duh whats new- but we are going to be playing only take this to your grave songs at these shows. keep your ears to the ground, we are going to keep these very secret."
I don't remember the last time I felt chills, but I just had a pleasant reminder of what they feel like.
It's Sunday night and I've been working all day. The lights in this office are too bright and I've yet to buy light bulbs for the lamp in the corner. I can't figure out the heating system and my hands are struggling between finding a home in my hoodie pouch or the keyboard for any given period of time. I spent the morning in bed trying to convince myself that I wasn't pretentious, I am successful and reassured myself that between God and myself, I don't need to lend control of my life, beliefs, projects or company to the hands of anyone else. I am not ashamed of my past. I am not hiding anything. Refer to blog 1 for a description of my past which has shaped my future. However, I can't seem to escape the stereotypes of that lifestyle no matter how hard I try. Even people who I thought respected me are letting me down. Just because I said something once upon a time doesn't mean I can't change my mind, grow up and become a successful and respected adult. I find that I've been struggling with gaining respect from people who knew me in the past, for a few years now. I am a very passionate person and am not going to apologize for anything. Don't think you can change me. Don't think I'm going to necessarily accept all of your ideas, because I accept some. Respect me for the passion of my past. Respect me for who I am today. Respect my goals for the future...or get out of my way.
"tonight the headphones will deliver you the words i cannot say"
XO/Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)
Listen to it backwards for once.
