2008 has been a weird year. honestly it is a year i never could have imagined, good or bad.

i got dumped on dec 31 of 2007 around midnight. i basically knew from then on this year would be a winner. although to be fair i learned more this year than i have in a long time about myself, my friends, and about life in general.

this year, i made some incredible friends. honestly friends that taught me more about myself than in a long time. i also lost some friends too, through distace, time, or death.

i miss steph a lot, somedays are so much harder than other days but shes always in the back of my mind. her birthday just passed and it was tough for us all. it was good to know though that she wouldnt want it to be tough for us. she was the life of any party so now someone else just has to step up.

i shipped merch this year. so much merch i basically am buried under it. i am not complaining, just stating. the jonas brothers are enormous. its insane to think about sometimes. i remember shipping the first ever order out in this tiny room in the back of the old bookstore and driving it to the post office and then it grew to like maybe 100 orders a day would get mailed out. then we moved it to another spot and would bring like a couple hundred orders a day and now i have shipped the 100000 order and we go to the post office about 3 times a day. its incredible. im proud. im glad. and im always humbled.

its exciting also to be starting it with honor society and article a. its always exciting to see the progression of a new company and im glad to be on board.

i also toured. i like touring. i love demi lovato, she was awesome to work for. of course honor society is wonderful as well and jonas too. its been a good time.

this year i have grown. i am stronger in myself and always make sure to speak up when i am truly bothered by something. its tough to know where lines are drawn though in certain instances. i am still learning about myself and what i like and dislike. what i want to be and what i want in friends. all i know is i like to be myself and the number 1 quality i like in friends is that they are themselves too. maybe im growing up and learning i dont need a ton of friends, but rather i just need friends that are like that. i'm ready to be on my own. work on my own. live on my own. be my own person.

maybe thats what 2009 is going to be. transition. i know i can get a great job on a tour and i am going to. i dont care what i do but i am doing it. i know i work harder than anyone else and i am awesome at what i can do. i am not going to let people hold me back. i am young and this is the time i need to set up a good foundation for myself.

oh yeah, and i listened to a lot of good music. i still go to best buy every week and buy like 4 cds and if i could make a list of all the good cds i bought this year i would. although i have no clue what all i bought. all i know is i newly started listening to the matches (thanks merch) and it blows my mind everytime and i love the new aar cd.

this was just a whole lot of rambling. half recounting. quarter life to come. and a pile of random nonsense.

but to sum it all up. be funny. be yourself. then be my friend.

i celebrated thanksgiving with tony romo. alright, that is a lie but i celebrated with him in the same building as me. i got asked to work selling merch for HS on thanksgiving for the pre game show, which is huge. kat and lisa also came along so that i got to spend thanksgiving with people just as close to me as family and then we continued on our journey of that weekend.

but let me back up a bit...

on thanksgiving i got to see a boy with a mullet since birth, a woman with a turkey hat pull money out of her bra, and rowdy the cowboys mascot try to steal the show from HS by dancing on stage with them. i also ate room service turkey and watched the cowboys game from basically the field. oh yes and i saw demi blow my mind singing the national anthem and jonas play the halftime show. nuts.

also spent our thanksgiving evening drinking root beer floats with hs in our hotel lobby while i watched a mop dog walk around.

next day we breakfasted (but really lunched) with hs and then almost missed our flight to vegas. luckily enough we had a cabbie who drove fast and listened to pumping destinys child and we made it.

vegas was crazy. rather, vegas is crazy. its bright and loud and fun and perfect for people watching. like while we were eating dinner people just randombly stared through the wall at us until everyone at the table jumped but not i because i caught them and made them jump as well. i love strangers like that, ones that live to be themselves and no one else.

that night lisa also ate the best mashed potatoes known to humans and now that im thinking about them all i want is mashed potatoes. poop.

ok next day was vegas shows. it was crazy and wonderful and magical and stressful. helped do meet and greet, it was chaotic. saw robin leech's children (?), watched people totally not appreciate their job even when its taking photos and making peoples dreams come true, and helped as many honor society loved ones get closer to the stage to watch the best thing ever.

following day was a long, and i really mean long, drive to LA in which lisa did all the driving, kat did all the sleeping, and i did all the train watching. i love trains. not like transit trains but cargo trains. i love watching the go through mountains and i got to see 2. i thought 3, but one was just a long truck. whoops. thinking back to that drive now though all i can think is i miss the guy in the blue truck and i wish i gave him my number. oh and the road to la from vegas is crowded and i wish we started earlier so we could have made the show and our jobs. instead we did not but its ok cause we made it alive and still had fun.

after the show that everyone missed and tony carried passing out girls over the barriers to we all deserves a good meal, so we headed to in n out. lauren, cassie, lisa, kat, tony, and i. and a tequila flavored lollipop. it was truly a wonderful experience and i wish it lasted a bit longer but i'll take what i can get.

then we tried to go to a hotel, switched, saw cbs burning down and tony was basically crying with a panic attack about the plinko board and drew carey. i would freak out too if the next day i was supossed to be on the price is right and the building burned down but as we all know by know it is fine. we ended up staying at the glorious fairfax mo, you may have heard of it since about 439587349587 murders were committed there. no no, kidding we stayed at the comfort inn and it was nice despite what kat will tell you.

following day we headed to oakwood, hung out with hs, shine on did an awesome interview and such that you must watch because its going to be glorious.

since then, i have remained on the east coast floating between VA and NY. went to a ism, mile 77 show which was pretty good. then mike and i drove an ENORMOUS budget rental truck down to VA filled with old chocolate bars, dusty mugs, and veggietale pirate ships. so basically expect some stellar christmas gifts from me this year aka mugs and 5 year old candy.

well, im shocked i had time enough to write this in the nuttiest season of the world. work is crazy, thanks for that jonas and HS fans, but it sure is tough whipping so many people to keep in line. :)

just in case anyone was wondering, my eyebrow is slowly growing back in. but when i say slowly, i really mean that.

so kat and i had the best weekend of our lives basically last weekend. we were the proud parents of HS as they gradutated metaphorical high school.  if we were parents I would of course have to be the husband and she the wife. and perhaps rebecca would be the ex of kat because she is the other parent of this relationship. and maybe i have a restraining order against her and that is why she couldnt make it to the show. but she was there in spirit and i truly hope she gets there next time. anyways, that is way off topic.

so the show was insane. the whole soundcheck kat and i had faces that could not be topped. our smiles were huge and our eyes were glistening from tears. mr jonas came over and basically laughed at us and how excited we were but he said he was feeling the same thing.

nick j blew me away with how imsanely musically inclined he is and continues to be. andy wore a hat, alex got a haircut, jay wore shiny shoes, and michael had the voice of an angel (that is a direct quote from live nation man).

saw tons of people that i always miss when im not around, whether i like them or not, they make me feel complete when i see them (ie jon poutney and the colonel amoung many others). i got to reinact the moment from almost famous with the bouncer and the knocking on the door at the loading dock (since it was at the exact location.).

i took a photo by a huge panda painted on the wall, kat and i chewed gum stolen from demi lovato band dressing room (hooray for them finally getting one!). i scared demi while on stage and she later mocked me. we hung out at chilis with tony. got my face farted on. interupted a room full of signers. and mike lovato wore a shirt with lady legs on it.

we sat near a man dressed solidly in orange. we watched a man eat 12 baby oranges. we watched a model walk up and down our plane. we got talked to by many illegal taxi drivers.

basically, with all these very random facts about our trip they alltogether made it a hugely powerful weekend in our lives.

plus i filmed what is now a wonderful youtube video seen by thousands in which i fall backwards halfway through but whatevs. its a classic.

youtube.com/honorsociety  - mine is the main dont close the book video

welp. im excited to do this same thing again in like a week and a half at the vegas and la shows cause the excitement and pride will never wear off. so i hope to see you there and if you cant make it you are there in our hearts and you will be there when you see kat and lisa's sick photos and my stellar video skills!

i had my birthday a week or so back. the night before i went to see hsm3 with the 3 of the people i feel most comfortable with. we dressed up, we ate, we watched a step dance team outside of the best buy, we watched the movie, and we had a great time.

on saturday mike and i went to a honor society going away celebration. it was wonderful and hard and great and made me more proud than i can tell you. i ate a canoli filled with canolis, i had a birthday cake for ashley and i, therer were toasts and a jam session, and it was good. i was happy and proud and perfect.

the following night i had all my friends hang out with me at dave and busters. it was great. i spilled on a cake, i beat everyone at basketball, i laughed, i fell on the floor, i ate jay's hair, i did everything i thought i would on my birthday with my favorite people.

monday i drove home and halfway home stopped to visit an old friend. we ate and talked and it was wonderful. i told her how life was exactly what i wanted and i honestly couldnt complain. the band i have the most faith in is living our dreams, the guy i am dating is exactly who i see myself with, my friends are awesome, work is great.

tuesday - thursday i work in VA.

thursday night i drove back to NJ and had the best weekend possible with mike. it was perfect. we were the couple to end all couples. we create the best versions of each other and everyone knows it. we went hiking, sat on a waterfall, laughed, ate really bad food that made me not be able to poop, we made lists of reasons we could never break up cause it just wouldnt make sense.

then we broke up.

there is 1 reason we broke up and 1 reason alone. and that is the worst feeling. its a reason that can be resolved and we both know it, just someone is too afraid to actually do something about it. the fear of living a life of responsibility is too much. the feeling of not deserving something good is hard im sure, but everyone should have a good life. its just not something that falls on your lap, its gotta involve some work. and sometimes work freaks people out.

work doesnt freak me out. life currently freaks me out.

i know things will get better, it always does. i have had my heart broken before, it heals. it just has never been like this. i have known its right always until now. this is the first time it is opposite. he was the other half i knew i needed and wanted. i was the best version of myself when with him or just because of knowing him.

its just scary and hard and it hurts. it hurts to see someone run into the arms of something that doesnt love them back just cause its easy. i dont like to take the easy path, i like to work for things.

you dont need to tell me i will be fine, or i will heal, i know all these things. i just dont know how to sit back and not want to help even while i am hurting like this.

i just want him to be fine. i wish he realized all the good that he actually does and not focus on the bad things he's gone through. those things are in the past and he has his future in front of him. responsibility isn't somethng to shy away from because although its overwhelming, its real. its real life. real life isn't hidden at the bottom of the grey goose bottle. its in the details. its in the small actions you take to build up who you are. its in the steps you take to become a real human. its in the tips of your fingers, even the ones that have scars.

i miss him. i miss his family. i miss his dog. i miss us. i miss me.

i'll either blog a lot from now on or i wont blog for awhile. we'll see what happens in the coping process.

broken.

smashed up into a million pieces.

i'll live though. its life, right? be ready for it apparently. its shocking sometimes.

so im about to go get my haircut in a little bit. i get my haircut a few times a year and at least one of those times i go for a big change. i never actually decide what to do, i just walk into the place and say "honestly, i dont care what you do just make it look good" and i think i am about to do that today. sometimes when doing that they cut like 12 inches off and i donate it and sometimes they cut like an inch off and it looks exactly the same. i am pretty excited.

last friday when mike was visiting he went and got his haircut at this same place and the dude, jay, who cut his hair did such a good job that i am going to him today and im going to tell him he better make me look as good as he did mike.

so this week is dragging of course because i am so excited about the weekends plans. and because all i do is think about the week actually dragging.

last night i was on the phone and the person i was talking to was telling me som super deep stuff about what affected them in ways that made them feel incomplete or broken. they were saying how their childhood was so horrible that the feeling of nostalgia is just too hard for them. they have no photos that they keep of anything before a certain point and then the death of a family member made them feel like their identity crumbled.

i honestly had no words to share but i could only listen as my heart broke for their pain. they asked me if anything in the world made me feel so vulnerable that it was as if my heart could be open to puncture.

i dont think their is. i have been thinking since the about that and sometimes i decide i am so thankful that there is nothing in life that makes me so vulnerable anymore but then sometimes i think i may be numb and thats why i dont feel it.

its just funny how life is so different from person to person, even the people you know the best show you these sides that just blow your mind and make you feel humbled all over again.

i just love getting to know people to a point where that stuff that scares the crap out of them can come out and it can be shared because once its out in the open i dont think its as scary anymore.

and then i think maybe that is why i dont have something, because everything big in my life has been talked about or sorted through. im not saying i live a perfect life, i just live my life with no regrets and i dont dwell on any situation good or bad that has happened or will happen.

i just live. i like to live and i like the 98% of the time i am happy.

and now i am ready for a haircut. i mean, its a big weekend after all. hsm3 is the best part of the year, i even forgive it for overshadowing my birthday weekend. or perhaps enhancing it.

i got a pedicure last week when mike was coming to town. the lady hurt my toe and when waxing my eyebrows, she dropped some into my actual brow and yanked a chunk out.

i like to think no one notices but its freakin hilarious.

my birthday is this weekend. friday im going to see hsm3 fo sure on a double date with kat and george. mike and i are pretty stoked. he has even told me he is going to find the songs online so he can broadway style sing them in front of the screen to the children.

saturday night is my party at dave and busters at the palisades mall. come join if you are around and awesome and free. i enjoy people. and i especially enjoy people celebrating me so its pretty perfect.

my newphew is 6 months old and his new thing that he does is walk. if you hold his hands he'll walk with you and its so insane. he's like a little infant walking and it cracks me up all the time.

well, this was neither inspiring or enlightening but its all good.

peace,

1.5 eyebrowed janice

life is interesting all the time. i rarely stop to think about it except when i am sitting with an empty blog space and a craving to write.

ya know when you are younger you grow up with a best friend? and then you get to middle school and you have a best friend, and then high school theres a best friend, and then you go to the college and make another. through all this time you have all these "best friends" but who is to say which is the best? i mean i can list right now like 15 people that at some point in my life i called a best friend.

now i am not saying that they never were or are my best friends. its just crazy how life takes you for this ride sometimes. like i spent my whole childhood hanging out with paul. we grew up together, our parents babysat us on alternating days, i cut his hair (and my own), we did all that cute best friend boy girl garbage and it was awesome. but seriously i never see paul now. thats not to say i dont still love him and he wasnt my best friend but he's not anymore since i havent seen him in like 5 years probably.

i have a million stories like that about friends i had for years at a time and now i rarely see anymore. im not complaining or anything like that i think im more thinking i am glad that in each friendship i got the most out of it that is possible.

each person entered and left my life for certain reasons and i am thankful for them all. everyone should be thankful for the friends: past, present, and future.

life cycles. its like eating macaroni and cheese everyday as a kid and then growing sick of it, although for myself i still have yet to grow sick of it. or putting too much syrup on your pancakes and now the taste grosses you out a bit. maybe what im thinking is thats its good not to overwhelm a good thing because it could eventually turn back on you. just take everything a step at a time and live for the moments granted to you.

my brain is sorta chaotic sometimes in the places it takes me, but i like bringing people along for the journey sometimes.

i feel like these initial blogs can be so awkward sometimes. i mean, what i find interesting about myself how do i know someone else will? i dont mean that poorly towards myself in anyway cause to be honest i think i rule. i just dont know what about me makes me rule the hardest. i feel like initial blogs are like speed dating sessions and so i decided to write a little about me that if measured i could say in 2 minutes and that i think are the key points in which would make you want to date me. or in this case, think i am interesting enough to read my blog.

i'm janice. i am 22, going to be 23 next week. i own merchandise companies/websites for many bands (ie, jonas brothers, honor society, and article a). i eventually plan to do more than make and sell merchandise but for now its a great start. i grew up in nj. i live in va. i like to tell stories and i love to laugh. my laugh is loud and full of life (aka obnoxious). i am a glass always full even after i take 12 sips out of it kinda girl. i like bright colors and i wear ugly clothes just cause they are comfortable. i love music and seriously go to best buy every tuesday and buy at least 4 cds. i dont even care what they are a lot of the time. i love my friends and even though i only have a few they are legit and real and i like that. i read a lot and i am a giant nerd. aka i am awesome. oh and i love banana runts and apple juice.

so thank you for this opportunity and thanks for reading.

and cassie rules for asking me and lauren rules for calling me at like 2 am to actually ask me to do it. and everyone else rules cause i love people.