ready for a change

so im about to go get my haircut in a little bit. i get my haircut a few times a year and at least one of those times i go for a big change. i never actually decide what to do, i just walk into the place and say "honestly, i dont care what you do just make it look good" and i think i am about to do that today. sometimes when doing that they cut like 12 inches off and i donate it and sometimes they cut like an inch off and it looks exactly the same. i am pretty excited.

last friday when mike was visiting he went and got his haircut at this same place and the dude, jay, who cut his hair did such a good job that i am going to him today and im going to tell him he better make me look as good as he did mike.

so this week is dragging of course because i am so excited about the weekends plans. and because all i do is think about the week actually dragging.

last night i was on the phone and the person i was talking to was telling me som super deep stuff about what affected them in ways that made them feel incomplete or broken. they were saying how their childhood was so horrible that the feeling of nostalgia is just too hard for them. they have no photos that they keep of anything before a certain point and then the death of a family member made them feel like their identity crumbled.

i honestly had no words to share but i could only listen as my heart broke for their pain. they asked me if anything in the world made me feel so vulnerable that it was as if my heart could be open to puncture.

i dont think their is. i have been thinking since the about that and sometimes i decide i am so thankful that there is nothing in life that makes me so vulnerable anymore but then sometimes i think i may be numb and thats why i dont feel it.

its just funny how life is so different from person to person, even the people you know the best show you these sides that just blow your mind and make you feel humbled all over again.

i just love getting to know people to a point where that stuff that scares the crap out of them can come out and it can be shared because once its out in the open i dont think its as scary anymore.

and then i think maybe that is why i dont have something, because everything big in my life has been talked about or sorted through. im not saying i live a perfect life, i just live my life with no regrets and i dont dwell on any situation good or bad that has happened or will happen.

i just live. i like to live and i like the 98% of the time i am happy.

and now i am ready for a haircut. i mean, its a big weekend after all. hsm3 is the best part of the year, i even forgive it for overshadowing my birthday weekend. or perhaps enhancing it.