Last Summer I regrouped with some old friends from elementary school. Amungst them were some new faces. One of these that I'll never ever forget. His name was *Roy* (not his real name) The first day I met him I knew we had to be best friends. Was it his style? His personality? I had no idea... and I still don't. But over last year and this year he has become the best friend I've ever had. We've shared so many memories together. Like the times we went camping. Also, he's influenced me to do the things I love to do, simply because I love to do them.  There was even a time where I was seriously considering dropping out of school, because even though I was doing pretty well, I still wasn't happy because everyone else seemed to be so much better. Then he told me things like "Do it because you want to." and "Don''t get so upset, there will always be someone out there who's better."

Then, about two weeks ago over spring break, which we had spent nearly every night together, he asked me if I wanted to go camping again so I did, even though I was sick.

That night was like a movie!

There I was laying in our tent with everyone else outside, because I was still feeling "Sick" (I was actually extremley hung over). He came into the tent. We wrestled for a bit ( I had the bruises to prove), and then he held me in his arms and cried saying he'd never hurt me. I smiled and said it was okay. So then we laid down, then started snuggling. He sighed and said "God, you're so..." he couldn't even finish the sentance. This was followed by "I feel like I don't even know you, but I like you so much."

I laughed when he asked me for my life story. I told him I was bullied at a private elementary school because I was ugly. He told me I wasn't. I told him I haven't done much of anything that normal people our age have.

He said, "Like What?

I said, "It's too embarassing."

He said, "Your first time getting drunk?"

I laughed, "Um, last night was like the 50th."

He smiled, "Your frist hangover?"

I laughed, "I still am."

Then he said it, "Your first kiss?"

I smiled bitterly, "I wish I could say I have."

Then he took me into his arms and asked me why. I told him there was a reason I had braces and that I was witn no exaduration the ugliest girl in my elementary school. A moment of silence followed our laughter.

Then he said, "Can I kiss you?"

I smiled and replied "Yes."

The rest after that was more and more kissing, hugging, and snuggling. We then fell asleep in eachother's arms as we had  times before, ending a perfect night.

Now, after all that we are facing a huge problem. We can never be together because one: our friends dispise it. And two: he is leaving for the east coast this summer as I am for the west coast. We both decided that we like eachother, but we don't want to, and that this is the thing that tears friendships apart... just like it has to ours.

He was the best friend I have EVER had, and I cared about him more that I have EVER cared about anything in my entire life. It wouldn't matter if he lost it all... I'd still care.

One quote that will always stay with me was another mark he left that night. We were both into a conversation about being so scared of other people and being shy. Then, he said "Don't ever be afriad of anything, because there is nothing you'll never get out of."

-K.

http://octoberroses.ning.com/

Okay,

so I am a fan of a band who has influenced not only my music but life too. I am also part of their message boards. The wonderful fans who built the massage boards at http://tc5messageboards.ning.com/ had a promo idea for promoting The Click Five. So instead of writing about them on the sidewalk in front of a store as great of an idea as that is.... I told them I would write an entire blog about them and TRY to post up a cover of one of their songs as well of one of mine where the main idea of my songs was thanking them for inspiring me. I am trying to record the cover today but that may not happen do to my issues with time and space. So here it goes.

 The Click Five are a band from Boston Massachusetts. Yes their lead singer was Eric Dill (whose music has "Fascinated" me). And yes Kyle Patrick Dickherber is their new one... well not so long since its been like 2-3 years since he joined. But the main purpose of this blog was NOT to fill you with their whole entire history but to tell you how amaizing and life changing the band and their songs are. My favorite of course is their new tune of their 3rd album whish is to be realeased later, that I am also right now in the process or recording a cover to. Its called "Be in Love". Every time I hear that song I am happy no matter what, so It is my pleasure to cover it fopr their fans and them.

The Click Five are EXTREMELEY hard workers and very good at what they do. But for some reason writing their own songs which you would swear were written by batoven and The Beatles, just didn't make the cut. So their record company dumpped them. But not to worry the boys in the imfamous Click are hard at work trying to build up their name. They all went and recieved an HONORARY DOCTORATES (from what their new front man discussed) from the persegious Berklee College of Music in Boston Massachusettes. Another acomplishment is that they recieved  awards for their music from MTV asia and the Boston Music awards. They also went and did a life changing performance and interveiw to stop human trafficing. Now if that's not extremely overly genorus I don't know what is.

The guys go through so much to please their surprising low number of fans since their break through in 2005. The boys go from living i a tourbus and treated like royalty in Asia to being lugged around in a minivan in the USA. WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT THE TYPE OF MUSIC WE ENJOY? We as americans go for whats the lates hottest and trend, when we should be going for whats the deepest most meaningful , hard working and loving. Not to say that about all americans (since they're from here) but thats the way it is with most of our youth. So in the boyus' past, instead of being themselves like they are now, they had to be something a little less fake and NOT get to call all the shots. But now they do. But why aren't we listening? Why aren't we singing their songs? Because the boys simply ned your help to get their name out there.

So here's my helping hand.

(any additional facts welcome)

To you wonderful guys and the supportive fans at your message boards.

-Krystal


here are some of the fantastic click five songs


"there you are"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXGDCIvPkzw

"Pump it up" Elvis Costello Cover. Very nice footage.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sH_YFZm0sU

"Be In Love" My fave song in all of the world. (video by Bostonmayo of the message boards)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMntjvbWV6g

Don't forget about their first single off this new album "I quit I quit I quit"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEsflDFgrHw

:)

Re-Written by Maggi & Krystal

about KP

We are thinking of recording it. lol

I'm driving in my pink prius
Karly and Jesse were going to Vegas
Jesse takes a picture of my face.

I tried to make a left turn in a no turn lane
Karly screamed and Jesse did the same.
The camera falshed
and I hit a squirrel

He's empty

Maybe I hit him
Hit him to hard
Now his guts are torn apart
now the squirells are attacking my car.
Damn you Jesse.

Karly got out to take a hurl
Jesse preforms CPR on the squirell
I sit in my car and rev the motor

I'm ready

Chorus till end

Damn you Jesse.....
you're stupid.

Wow. I never thought that someone would do this to me. So here I am sick with who knows wht like a flu/cold thing. I didn't ask to be sick. No one else did I hope.

So the people I live with don't trust me to be in my oun house for like 5 days when my friends live right next dorr and will take care of me. THIS WAS SAID B4 I GOT SICK.

So here I am sick and my oun family tells me that they'll make my life misserable if I don't go on this camping trip (as you remember from my last camp experince i hate camping!) I thought they respected that too. But no. They're going to make me drag my sick self who was nightmares when she even thinks of camp along.

We leave tomarrow and I am 100% sure i wont get over this by then.

Real caring guys.

KG

How do you explain these?

http://lnk.ms/0XdGT

(or)

http://media.photobucket.com/image/joey%20zehr/Destinygerl/Joeyhapi2.gif?o=27

and..

http://lnk.ms/0XdBb

http://media.photobucket.com/image/joey%20zehr/Destinygerl/Joeyhapi.gif?o=26

and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYJKIC-tdWc

and!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5abfC_RdrQ

(the banana!)

and!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etfxQdpuJZA

(the cereal!)

but i think we all know Joey's real special time of day....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fde1V29wCEI

(read the discription.)

btw just copy and paste urls u cant click

KG

okay so you all know about my Camp Hell experience. for those who dont i got tourtured and teased by all my "friends" at winter camp.

So there I was outside trying to get away from evetyones teasing because I had cried for 2 hours in a bathroom stall cos they were being complete asses to me. Anyways. i was holding my mp3 in hand. Some camp rock song was playing. I was staring up at the stars and I knew that someones else was on this earth as empty and trapped as I felt. I knew that there was at least one person on the earth at that moment who loved me and was wondering if I was okay. Because I had called people during the incident but my phone was gone so idk who they called after that. And even though I felt like everyone else outside the camp was dead by just staring at the same sky as them i FELT COMNNECTED TO THEM WHEREEVER THEY WERE AND WHOEVER THEY WERE (srry caps lock) sO I WENT BACK INSIDE AND "THERE YOU ARE CAME ON AS I WAS CLEANING I WASN'T REALLY LISTENING UNTIL kYLE  SANG. (damn caps lock. srry). I stopped and nearly dropped the dished he was singing about the same exact thing I had gone through minutes before.

I havent seen a particular group of my friends in 4 years now. tonight i was going to see them . did but i didn't get to fully enjoy there presence because there they were. those poeple who are so completely jelouse, those who don't want me to make friends. And they one. and now who knows how many more yeras it will be till I see those friends again. ive cried so hard it hurs like hell to cry any more.

seriously if someone is being whipped around like a freaking rag dolll is it there fault when people are secretive and take them to places that they don't know. and when other people ask them where they were they didn't know? And if all this happened a month ago?

i don't think so.

 tell me what you think.

you guys had a baby?! and its kyle! whoah love it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ct8JxgAGJpE

Is Ethan mexican? he looks like it. idk my sis wants to know.

I though april was supposed to be rainy not may what gives!

yeah supposed to record on sunday. so im like freaking out making sure all my songs are perfect. :) i''l even be throwing a Beatles cover in there. its one of my faves ever since i was young.

Hope u and I both have great weekends.

KG

I know it happened only 2 months ago when i was ripped from my saflet and comfort zone all in one nigh. But things have been reminding me of it and. I tried to pretend it never happened, that it was just a nighmare, its no ones fault but my oun for trying to ignore it.

It happened I was betrayed stepped on, crushed, shaddered into a million peices, heart ripped out , chewed up, spit out, thrown in a blender the poured into the trsh. i cant beleive i  have gone this far ignoring the fact that it happened and worse yet that i did nothing about it.

For those of u who have no idea what im talking about its alll in my camp hell blog. To long to put into this blog, but to make it short ... alll of the above just listed what happened.

Things that remided me of this were the dream about being chased by zombies, "There you are" "Love time space" (these were some songs i had on my mp3 player when it happened. Also pixs of kyle patrick i had in my song book to give inspiration that made me laugh that terrible night.... I don't know what to do i want to cry when i think about that nigh cos ii did nothing to defend my self.

That night I realized what its really like to be " Restless....Defenceless" Ha, so to speak.

i don't know what to do know...I guess I'll just do what comes naturally....write a song.

peace

I know its late but never now than never right? Maybe not. So much to do so little time. Oh well, here it goes

i will...

1. loose weight cos im vain like that

2. have the best summer of my life so far.

3. Write more music.

5. learn to play the guitar

6. get a pix of me hugging Joe Guese (ha! beat that mel) lmao jk i'll just get one with him as well. Or will I?

7. go to another TC5 concert...if they ever come back! :)

8.grow my hair super long and braid it all the time.... ?????

9. Work things out with the band ...ugh bandmates.

10. Turn 17 and party

lol

you think Ben Romans cant get any more sexy??? Guess again!!

Check him out shakin his sexy self all over in this video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNoeAGExhyE

enjoy!!

:)

PS he gets extra crazy with Kyle near the end :D

Why do I have the sudden want to take a pix with Joe Guese??? Well if the click five ever come back to Minnesota i will make it possible. Watch out Joe! I'm gonna get you muhahahahahaha!!! :D

Oh man so i'm in a piano 3 (advanced) class at my school right?  So today was my first day. I sat down.

me:How many people will be in this class?

teacher: 5

me: oh small

later... I am surrounded by 4 guys. One sits right next to me.

in this class we have a mixture of 2 piano 4 (really advanced)

2 (including me) piano 3 students

and him piano 2 (intermediate) he IS HOT!!!!!!!

heres the url.

http://www.z100.com/new2/artists/theclickfive.

If the Click Five are done with this march residency tour ( well its not March any more) then what are they up to????? Hmmmm.... those sneaky guys lol what could they possibly be doing next?

Well whatever it is it better inclue the rest of the US (and that includes Minnesota boys!) I know its cold up here being on the border of canada and all but it would be nice of you guys to drop by. We miss yah.

:D

LOL oh man what would my world (and music) be like without this gentleman right here.lol he can never get enough recognition only 22 yeras old and already a doctor of music lol .
 
This is one of his finer (but not so fine) moments. lol He's so awesome even when he messes up. Dr. Kyle Patrick
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT8P0qq4b3Y

"The guilt is all on you, but I'm easier to blame." In the words of one of my finer influences. Mr. Patrick (and his friends).Yesterday... almost went beautufully.... almost.

It started out with an innocent yet suspicious offer... why would I go tanning? I hate fake things (just like i hate fake nails!). So I was approaching the corner talking to the friend who made the offer. But they fucked up. It went somewhere along the lines of this...

Me: So I'm leaving over there right now.

Them: Oh but i thought your mom was taking us.

me: (confused) No....

Them: But thats what i thought. How are we getting over there

me: No... you invited me I thought you had a ride.

them: yeah because your mom!

okay for those of you who might not have gotten that They admitted they used me to get a ride. So I whipped my body around faster than my eyes could catch up with. Never went and instead lost a friend.  It involved a fight on how that wasn't using me and about the drugs they do. Hmmm

I told this person i was mad but didn't hate them... so does that say we should be mortal enemies??? No.

 Then why Am I to blame?

Thanks Mr. Patrick I needed the ampathy there (if thats how you spell it)

oh my gosh i think i might just kill someone after this week is over, yesterday was my first semi good day in 2 weeks.

this week i still have tio do in the day that i have left befor finals

-write a paper on stuff that my teacher never told me what to write about.... in this wrong to any or you?

-fininsh up a math assignment after just got through (barley) 2!

-im am going to fail a class that i have been working my ass off in! (igh!) all because the teacher is a duch and belives if you don't get every answer right you dont get any points. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!

-practice for my piano performance for tomarrow.

-finish a brutal math test i started yesterday

-STUDY! STUDY! STUDY!!!!

Does this apper righ to you?

and everyone has been complaining that im being bitchy...geee, i wonder why???? Onelove? any suggestions?

:)

don't let it happen to you.

Things that are making me so stressed more than ever!

-New band havent had 1st practice yet n this always happenes with everyband I'm in and then we break up b4 the 1st practice, :(

-piano performance tomarrow don't even know half my sons cos of everything else

-finals are comming up next week.

trying to find time to breathe between trying to get the band together, school, homework, and double piano lessons.

Time for more good bad and weird news:

the BAD: My whole inspitation to play muisic and favorite band form the start The click five sound like they're thinkin of calling it quits (that's just in my opinion) but still sorrowfull.

The good: I have band practice this week or next... its almost sunday so who cares.

the weird:

For some reason though the worst thing imaginable (the thought of TC5 departing) is happening or might be happening I feel its another lesson to be learned and a new life to be disscovered. I mean they were the #1 inspiration for everuthing I've done this pastlike 3 years and now they sound like they are calling it quits. I feel that now that my saftey net might be dissinigrating its time to live my life the way i want with out any saftey net with out standards. I still want to carry on in their foot steps with going to Berklee and all but like ther's going to be different challenges and sinerios along the way that they won't be able to giude me through so to speak.
 
For the past 3 years Ive handles every situation based on how they have or would of and now its time to use that plus my way.
 
Well can't wait till band practice next week. :)
 
Keep it up in 09'!
KG

I love what they did this song and all!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egQTjaKCRgI

P.s kyle's pants are awesome! lmao!

MAN people are loosing their minds over here! talk about lack of social skills they don't talk they yell!This is not home. Home will be quiet it will be relaxing it will be a cool breeze on this hott scorching day.

A fuuny convo between me n my friend maggi about bands since I'm the keyboardist in a new one lol

krystalgustafson: okay so __ and I went over band member egos and this is our conclusion
krystalgustafson: lead singers: get all the girls crazy and or intense
krystalgustafson: bass players: "Sex stare" says it all
krystalgustafson: drummer: gets alot of chicks too usually a busness man or very big
krystalgustafson: lead guitarist: either shy or crazy but always have kick ass solos and get alot of girls
krystalgustafson: keyboardist: never gets laid least favorite member weather male or female but has the second or 1st biggest ego to the lead singer lol
Maggi: lol... do u ..want... to get laid?
krystalgustafson: idk probly but not by another keyboardist that would be weird lol

lol lmao!

Yes I've done it again. Im in a powerpop/electronica band this time with some sorta old sorta new friends! Our 1st practice is this wed apparently. There is 3 or us, me and the guys. YAY!

By a thread or a bungee cable? I don't know yet.

I guess its because I haven't time to take a look on how my life is goig so far. So I'll start.

Last week..

 Sunday: cried my self to sleep with haunting memeories, then woke up for a nighmare of camp hell.

monday: thought i was going to go to the ortho man but my sis got sick so my mom couldn't take me.

tuesday: saw I ortho man and piano lessons

wed: caught up on school work

thurs: same

friday: performance in 2nd hour and a bunch of tests.

sat: chilled.

 this week...

sun: chilled at alec's

mon: stayed home sick

tues: got sick in 3rd hour and went home.

wed:tried to catch up on school work

thursday: same and chilled at alec's

today: performed in 2nd hour and contemplating my next move. When, where, and why.

I guess its been pretty stressfull. I've been playing catch up alot and trying new things at the same time.

oh and not to mention my friends are stabbing me in the back but behimd my back... how is that even possible??????

oh well I think something good will come of this.

NEVER EVER hire an unprofessional interior designer!

hope that helps, don't be like me with no table for my stuff. ;)

How Ethan Mentzer just looks so sarcastic and wierd about everything its so cute i love it lol heres what I mean

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdgTkoI8lZA

I hung out with one of my best friends whom I haven't seen in 7 months! & months! That's crazy. Well we had fun burning our energy all around an eight floor hotel all night (until 7:30 that is)

But after that it got me thinking of how sexist people are. My parents we about to not let me hang out with him cos he's a boy! What?!

Since when does gender tell us who we are COMPLETLY and who we should hang out with?

Whatever, I had fun I mean sure guys and gals are different... but we are all human.

A word that also made me think.... complete...

Do I need anyone to complete me?

No.

What I need is someone who resembles a part of me. Someone like me.

(who am I?)

It may be impossible but I'll consider it a life long mission.

Hope this week unravels more truth.

SWEAT! MY PERFORMANCE IN PIANO IS COMMING UP... NOT ON FRIDAY BUT ON TUESDAY. And sure that gives me more  time to practice... but only this time I'll be PLAYING IN FRONT OF MUSIC REPRESENTATIVES AND I'LL BE REPRESENTING MY TEACHER AND WHAT SHE'S TAUGHT US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm like sweating just thinking about it. let the rocking begin! lol

oh and I heard this  AMAIZING SONG ITS "THERE WILL BE BLOOD" by the blue pages featuring  KYLE PATRRICK! LOVE IT!

www.myspace.com/thebluepagesmusic

HOPE YOU LIKE :)

So there I was just playing piano in my piano class at school.

I had to put the date on my homework assignment for one of my other classes. I asked the teacher what the date was. She said febuary tenth. I was like  NO FREAKING WAY! yOU MEANT TO TELL ME I'M IN PIANO CLASS PLAYING THE PIANO ON BEN ROMANS' BIRTHDAY?!  It was such an awesome couincidence!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEN ROMANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You guys made it. What should I do? I'm in my 3rd year of piano lessons. (by the way ive been in chior for 7 years, and music theory classes for 4 years... just thought i'd let you know ) My teacher gave me the most songs to memorize in a week like i beleive 5 or 6 and I already know 3/4 but the other two or are extremely hard for me, it just won't work i can tell. What do I do.

I mean i want to pass this class and finish my school's piano classes, but this is in the way. (after this class i only have about one maybe 2 more classes then I'm done)

This is a huge block in the road! ugh! what do I do?

Thanks for reading.

After my whole "Camp Hell" experience I went looking for some spirtiual support asking "Where is the love?". I found that in this song. It was the total opposirte of what happened at the camp. But it gave me a sense of hope. You can live a life like this but you have to find people with an enornous amount of love. Now I know we've all said we hate people... but do we really? I know i don't. I may disslike poeple and vent about it... but when it comes down to it if I heard some girl crying in a bathroom stall or even out in puplic.. although intimidated I would want more than anything to help.

I think that's my whole purpose here on this earth... to help through music kinda like this song did.

Hope you enjoy and love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBCNrlZGl3w

thanks for reading : )

Okay so I went camping this weekend to a place I've been before called camp Lakamanga. NEVER GO THERE!!!!!!!!!! Everytime I go there it ends in misery, this time was no different!

Day 1:Got to my cabin, went to sleep.

Day 2 : All hell broke loose! I went to the dinning hall. 4 hours into the 12 that I was there I had been basically told I was stupid. I felt like crap. I was COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN. So one of the NICE girls there asked me to cut paper with her so I did.  THEN these 2 other really bitchy girls come up and tell me in the BITCHIEST tone ever (AFTER 3 HOURS OF THEM SCOLDING LITTLE GIERLS FOR DOING NOTHING)  they pawn off 2 little 5 year olds on me. THATS WHEN I SNAPPED! I ran into the bathroom and called some friends cos i was having a melt down . AND THESE 3 BIG DUMB BITCHES (SRRY FOR THE LANGUAGE IM REALLY UPSET) KEEP YELLING AT ME AND TALKING SHIT TO ME SO OF COARSE I CRIED! SO THEY YEALL SOME MORE (which we all know yelling does not help Lisa, Alyssa, And Karin) (they were the biotches)  so I cried over the phone with some very loyal friends of mine and my sister for 2 and 1/2 hours.

Then when i came out everyone was blamming me! I wasn't the one who hurt my feelings! I'm not the one who made my self cry! So Lisa stole my stuff for calling my mom and reading a book. (GO FREAKING FIGURE)

Any way that just goes to show you can't really trust anyone, no matter how long you've known them. I've known these girls for about 5 years....and this is what happens when I let my guard down and trusted them

On day 3: No different....I finally went home....and no one beleved me but my sister....

LOL THATS THE ONLY THING THAT WENT THROUGHT MY HEAD WHILE WATCHING THIS...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGWc3qGfQUs

VERY SHORT BUT VERY FUNNY! :D

 Yes! I've finally realized one of the things (or people) holding me down ( more like beating me down in the hall way at school) in my life! And now I'm on my way to a very clean fresh start! Yes! I finaly realized it and I'm glad I started now cos I just got like a hadful of new friends the day I ended the deal. Yes!

Kara's flowers Soap disco

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhE2geW6AyA

vs

click five catch your wave

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVQB7FRXSi4

Music protects people. Where our ears are being polluted with the noises of others yelling and crying, music is there to block all those noises out. It protests not only our ears but our souls and minds. So thank you to all who produce it. Your gift is well apritiated.

Here I am I'm ready to write another song. But! This one is special, it's a different kind of break up song. It also doesent help that there are a million different melodies and ideas flying around in my head. I just have to catch one and keep it in play.

The subject of this song is one I don't think is descussed enough in music. You have this person that's not helping or influencing you, in fact they're dragging you down with them, but you never knew that. They're mischif was hidden behind fun, and now you want to get rid of them, but you don't hate or love them ( but you still love them as a human) but you just want them out of your life.

what do you guys think????

I had a dream about a 1/2 week ago. I was sitting there with a checklist of all my burdens in life. Some one in all blick was going down the list and asking me whether I wanted to keeep that burden, then they'd make it dissapear if I said no. Then as we approached the bottom to the very last one they asked me again if I 'd like to keep it (a certain person in my life), and before I could answer I woke up.....

Now, I have no clue what to do.

Whoa! in the last blog i told you It normally takes me a month to write a song right? Well I just finished the one I was working on like 20 mins ago! That's half the time!  Though.... I still feel that I could do better..... but don't I always tell my self that???/ Is this all normal to you guys??? I need some answers lol :D

I'm working for my song of the month lol I write a song every month. It takes me a week to come up with a solid melody and storyline between school and friends and all that stuff and by the 4th week its all done :D . I have like 2 more weeks to finish this one and its one of my faves already. While this may sound fun.... it can be trick at times like filling in gaps or finding the right words but it all comes out well in the end. So.... wish me luck! :D

I wish that "Home" was really just a click away... but I know that' it's gouing to ba a little while longer till im there. It's kind of a bitter sweet in your face fate thing. I have the decision to make it there but i don't know if im making th right decisions in life to get there. Well, better luck next life :)

I can't pull it off, it's too deep into my skin... and everytime I burn it off it comes crawling back up to me. I;m confused cos I kind of like it, i've grown to it and it's grown to me... but I know it can't be good for me.... what can I do?

by the way this is a metaphore guys... there's no real leach on my arm lol weird metaphore I know.... :)

This year I

want to win the "bet demo" competition. :D

record more songs

write new songs

learn to play guitar

get more education

play a show with friends

hang with McNally kids

go to another awesome tc5 concert

expand my knowledge of music

further my skill of the piano

yay!:D

last year I did most of this stuff and more so I'm having great feelings about this year.

Right now I;m listening to Eric Dill's "Take it Away" and the words make perfect sense to me. lol I thought it was pretty funny. hehe

Wow! It'sbeen forever since I've blogged on here. I mean I go to the site, but I haven't blogged for weeks. lol I hope you guys haven't forgotten about me hehe. Well, yeah, my christmas was pretty cool. But the party I went to after was not. But new years will be awesome.

Right now gernerally I'm feeling pretty crappy cos everything is going wrong that possibly can. Today was different though... I felt maybe a little glimpse of hope? I'm not sure what it is, but it's not a flame, it's more like a flicker. I hope it groes into a full blown bonfire!

Let's take a trip

just you and me

the sunlight sets

the sand in our feet.

Or maybe we can hit a room

make something of the night

they'll try to tear us apart

but we can win this fight

or maybe we'll go to Boston

and chill with the Berklee kids

or maybe we can create someting new

something others forbid

but one way or another you never make me sick

you are my passion, my love,  you are my music.

lol I'm watching the click ifve's new music video for summertime, and i can't help but feel that they were a little confused on what season it was when they relaesed it lol it's a beyond awesome video though, their best yet. I love it, but to feel the full excitement i wish it was really summer.

Awesome job guys! :D and best luck in the future.

This week has been so blank so far. I wonder why? I mean, I want to do all these things, but I can't find the motivation. I'm not depresssed or anything.. I just idk... bored. 

Well let's see....what are my fave 3 funnest memories?

-2nd Click 5 concert: It was at varsity theatre in june of 07. I had a blast! I even got front row in front of Ethan Mentzer. Then Kyle jumped at me...i screamed lol. I didn't know who he really was. lol.

-McNally summer camp: I spent a week at this music college in my home town St.Paul. I had alot of fun and made some life long friends. I'll be going again next year.

-1st time at valleyfair: it's only the bast amusement park in minnesota! I was like eleven and went on all the scarriest rides. My stomach used to be made of steal...not so much anymore lol .

so there thay are. That felt better.

Throught my life I have realized that I I want one thing out of my life, to be great! I mean who deosent want that. To be as great as the ones I admire is my #1 priority, and not just for the rep, but for the love, and the support I want to give to oters through music, those two are my biggest motivation right now. To be great, and to help. :)

Today went pretty well. While I didn't go shopping I did write some songs. Right now I'm sitting here with three of my closest friends; Amy, her bf aaron, and alyssa (amy and alyssa are apart of the one love too.) Amy and aaron are playing sims on the ps2, alyssa is reading Twilight, and I'm blogging. :) Alyssa plans to spend the weekend, so does amy. I couldn't ask for more of a better moment to be in. We are all doing something we enjoy, well I perfer to write but have writters block, but i do still like to blog.

While sitting here on thanks Giving day sick with the worst cold ever, I foungd some website that has songs from Hillside Maor, and I feel like I'm getting better. The songs are so soft and gentle,like new fallen snow. I like it, I love it!

okay so today I was walking down the hall way when Kyle Dickherber's and Jesse Ruben's"Honest you Do" struck me and was stuck in my head! Then to make matters weirder, I started to sing it out loud! It was involentary! I was like "did that really happen?" as people looked at me funny.

and here's the you tube video that did it lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30I0Q1hUPQ8

well the url anyway :) enjoy!

Yesterday was my (Ethan Mentzer look alike) friend's last day at school before he moved to Colorado. So to end it with a bang (literaly) we went to his and my otherfriend's band concert. So after the hour of awesome music we went upstairs to say good bye. My other friends said goodbye to him and gave him a hug. Then he asked me for one right as my other friend misenterpreted a joke I made about how much it snows in Colorado. I said something like it snows like a bitch there and she thought I said something else and asked me about it. We laughed and I told her what I said, COMPLETELY FORGETTING TO GIVE MY FRIEND THE HUG GOODBYE! So he left and I couldn't find him. I have never felt like such a jerk in my whole life! I hate my self. He was such a good friend and I couldn't even give him a hug! It just gos to show, you don't really know what you have till it's gone. But then again, he saw what happened and I hope he understands.

P.S. Not only did he kinda look like Ethan Mentzer, but he played the upright bass for the concert! :D He will be missed.

Yesterday I signed up for the blood drive at my schoo. It was my friest time and it was really weird! When it came time to give blood, they laid me down on a table in front of everyone, classmates and teachers. Then they had me do these hand exercises with a red ball. Then they stuck me with the needle! So there I sat for like 20 mins. Then when it came time to take the needle out they didn't just take it out.... they whipped it out of my freaking arm by a peice of tape! OUCH!!!!!!Then they sat me up and asked me how I felt.

I said "Okay I guess, I'm a little nautious though.:

Then they called over some red headed lady (remeber everyone is watching!) and she put a bag over my mouth and nose and told me to breathe in and out! While everyone was confused and thinking I was ding or something, I was even more confused! Then when I tried to leave cos I felt fine, they told me to sit down and eat rhen I could leave , so I did even though I was already full from the huge breakfast i had. Then i finaly got up and left, wtf?!

But eventhough it was wird I plan to do it again in May, and twice every year. :)

So, here I am, Typing back and forth to my friend who plays guitar, I play keyboards, the neighbor girl, and our French neighbor. The neighbor girl says I type like a chickn, the french kid says his cousins do too, and The musician and I are talking about E-mails , and the French kid and the neighbor girl are spooning lol, and now I'm daydreaming of being as succesfull as Kyle Patrick. :D

Everyone please welcome my best friend Amy to the one love! This kid is faily. We basically live with eachother and we can now be on the one love togethr! Whoooo!  her url is www.theonelove.org/amyladoucer

:)

        It's Saturday and I'm ready to create, record and Rock! Yeah! Whoo!  I'm also supposed to go to a party this afternoon but who knows what will happen! I mean so much positive stuff has happened this week, that even though my scheduel is tightly packed I feel blessed to have the people In my life that I do. The wonderful people on The One Love and people on here. People I see daily, and those I don't. So much positive is a great thing. It's the love that makes the world go around.

This week is really different, in both good and bad ways. For starters I've kinda taken a break from my usual social life and gone out and made some new friends. It's been really fun, I've been loving it all this time. :) I've even collabarated with some friends of mine for songs, both musician and non musician. This new experience is giving me a quite different type of inspiration, the type I knew it would. :)

now for the bad news. My mommy got surgery on her leg and is going to be in bed rest for a week or so. :(

But overall, this week has been pretty cool

Is it natureal To just want to go away in cognito for 2 weeks?

Is it natural to actually do that?

Is it natural to naturally hate someone because of their personality?

Is it natural for someone to try to make you like them?

Is that at all right?

Is it natural to want somthing that's just inbetween awesome and not, and not want it anymore?

Is it natural to feel overwhelmed by simply thoughts?

is it natural to think yoou stink at the only thing you know?

Will I ever be great?

These are the questions that haunt me everyday?

Yesterday I felt not only hate but I was hating. I hated  yesterday! I couldn't do anything right and cried alot. :( But today I feel okay I guess, last night while at my friend's house I wrote some more music.

I think my music is nothing like I want it to be like, and last night I really realized that. Then this morning while I was Dwelling in doubt, my friend said that someday my music will be how I wanted it to be, and that she was sure of it too! I had necer fealt so much love before.

And I loved it. :)

Late last night after I got off the phone with a dear friend of mine, I realized my music wasn't going where I wanted it to go. I was going for more of a pop/rock or powerpop sound. I had the power, but no pop. So I changed a intro to a song I wrote and was surprised of how much better it sounded! I think that was the boost I needed to believe in myself.

I also figured out something else this week. Its about the people, what the people want and what they need.So I've decided to take everyone into full consideration with this "Bet" demo.

-Bueno diaz One Love

YES! OBAMA WON, WELL ONE LOVE, WE'RE IN FOR CHANGE!

When you're on the rollercoaster of life and it's speeding downhill, who says you can't stop the ride and get off for a while?  That's exactly what I plan to do. I plan to just take a break and dissapear for a bit while I start this  "Bet" album. In case you haven't heard, my friend and  I have this bet: Who ever makes the best 4 song demo/album wins, and the loser has to sit through an entire movie naked! With all our friends from summer camp! Well, iI have till this june to complete the album, so i have no worries for now, but either him or I can win, so....

back to matters. Like i said, I'm just going to be gone most of the day, I'll go to school, go home, then vanish till whenever, and then go to sleep (hopefully). I think it could be a very heplful solution with all this drama that's going on.

Just when I thought Novenber was cradleing me in it's motherly arms, it dropps me like a hot potato! There's quite the list of things that went wrong in the begining of November.

-I couldn't think straight last night

-I couldn't finish my song "Monday" last night

-I felt hung over yesterday

-Someone stole my MP3 player

-My horoscope told me that i wasn't going to be the one with the problems today (lie!)

-I got into an arguement and almost physical fight this morning

-I can't find time to record

-And I have no clue how to start this month off!

HEY ONE LOVE BLOGGERS. I JUST WANTED TO WISH YOU A HAPPY HALLOWEEN! LOL I JUST GOT BACK FROM LUNCH AT SCHOOL. WELL, BEFORE LUNCH I HAD A BIG BAG FULL OF CANDY, AND NOW I HAVE HALF THE BAG LOL JUST THOUGHT I'D SHARE. :)

Man I'm so sick of everyone bashing everyone else's beleifs. It's stupid okay. This whole politic thing is tearing our country apart! I mean soon we'll just be the States of America! Gosh America get a grip! And thats not to all of you, just to those who are bashing others for beleiving in whatever they do. Honestly I don't care any more! I don't want ant one to win if it's such a hassle!

The season is changing, and so is the world. And I can't help but feel responsible for it all. We all are when you really think about it. So why not change it, just like mother nature changes the seasons. Start loving, start caring, start evolving into the people we're set out to be. The heros we are. We can change it all, we don't have to leave it up to some leader. But instead change it yourself. So go along and play your giutar or piano, and sing your songs that find their way from your heart to your lungs, just let it out and let it go.

I guess im writting this blog to remind all of us just how powerful we really are.

Wow i never thought I'd rise to truth with myself . But I think I'm finally realizing my issues and tring to resolve them. Today was a day of judgement on my behalf. I was constantly thinking. All sorts of things like do i really need to go to Berklee? I mean if i don't get in there's lots of other music schools in my home at heat town of Boston. And what about this guy i've ben liking. He's almost exactly the same as all the others i've liked, and they were all jerks! So who needs him. And my grades are finally going up (well at least in spanish :) ) And today went by super fast for a monday. Lol along with my proud knee skidding moment. :)

Truth: It's a matter of having the bravery to tell another or yourself what is really up.

Life and music, music and life. They go hand in hand. You write a song about your life. You live your life devoted to music. It should be music = life insted of music + life.

Have you ever wondered what the world would be like without music? Or vice versa? Just think. It you went your whole life with out music? No sound! Nothing to keep you going. i don't think any of us would be right here doing the thing we love without music.

And what about music without life? Thats pretty much impossible to say.

Berklee is one thing I've always dreamed about but have always been intimidated by. It feels like home to me. Berklee in Boston. It sounds like a breath of fresh air. But im afraid  That I wont get in when the time comes. And i know im just a sophmore, but i worry. I was a sraight a and b student last year and am trying to do the same this year too. But im afraid they want more. Im afraid i won't get in! i want to get out of hwere soooo bad , and Berklee is my escape. So i guess im just worried about my future. I don't know much about this schoo. i mean ive looked at the website, but theres somethings it wont tell me... like what do i have to do to get in? Can anyone help?

"I quit!" is the best song everrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! i love it! cant wait till the album comes out BEN!!!!!!!! Great work dude!!!!

Ive been avoiding the truth lately. My grades are slipping, my love is fadding, my past is running away from me. Ive foud zero inspiration latle, so that means zero music.

I want to get back to rality but im loosing grip. I dont want to back to the way i was before, but instead evolve.

My friend is comming up from iowa this weekend to hang out so i think this will be a great opertunity to relax and spend time with another musician. Cos around here there arent any.

But i never expect the best. cos it never meets expectation.

But i do hope.

Well last night (eventhough i was terribly sick) i went to a speach at Centery College by Liz Murry. She was homeless and went to harvard. And can i just say wow! That spreech was life changing! She went up against IMPOSSIBLE odds and defeated them all! It makes me wonder... am i working as hard as i can? No. Could i be more forceful and determined about going to college and improving my music? Yes.

And as i sit here sick...ive decided that after i heal I'll start to try. I'll try as hard as ever.

But right now im thinkin...If im gonna try hard.. then why am i not at school?

Well theres a difference between being Determined and selfish. I want to go to school today. I wish i was there right now. But i was sick yesterday and tried to make it throught the day and barely did. So i dont wanna be selfish and make my classmates to see me like this ...or even worse... get what i got, which is one killer cold. Can't breathe cant speak.. whole body was in pain yesterday... I could of sworn i was either dying or had mono. But im getting better. :)

So thanks Liz Murry. I needed the push.

wow it was insane! lots of music lots of food lots of fun! whoa! it blew my mind how hormonal some people can be! People were hooking up left and right... all eccept me... my "One Love" wasnt there... along with others who i wish were there too. But above all it was a great time. :)

well tomarrow's my b-day and i dont really care if it comes.... it just means im one more year closer to getting the hack out of here... i want to go to Berkleee in Boston MA :) ive wanted to go eversince i first read about it. ... But this excitement to get out of here isnt all that good... it means im stuck here for 2  more years :( Im sick of this house, its not a home??? adn i ask my self..."Will i ever find home?" I don't belong here, i dont want to. I dont know where i belong... i had a home ..one with friends...But they don't like me. They like who I know. Boston says home to me....at least for now.

Right now ive found a little slice of home in music. Some of my faves are

-Kate Voegele -can't wait till she comes here!

-Augustana -"Boston" :)

-Kyle patrick ;D

-eric dill -Can't wait for the new album!

-TC5- same here! :D

-Metro Station -"Shake it!"

-The Veronicas

-Lucy Walsh

-Snow Patol

-Paramore

-All time low

-James Borne

thats what im into right now at the moment :)... im actually listening to Eric Dill's "Little white lies" Right now :)

God! everyone thinks im crazy! theyre all dwelling on things that happened over a year ago! I used to cut. USED TO! who never has? Any way... They think i hate my dad ... well im not his biggest fan,... but i dont really hate anybody. And so theyre making me go to like family counsiling and crap when i already have a family of friends that love me and care for me and i love them with all my heart. Just because i dont like my real family all that much dosent mean i dont have a family! I have one and we will be living together very soon...(they live in other states) Theyll be here by earlier this time next year to take me away from all this.

Hopefully this all works out for the better.

  Well wow what can i say? Inspiration is fling around me everywhere i go!  And so much is changing! wow i thought id never say this but im actually getting better.  Im doing better in school. Understanding lots more. Seeing clearer! Meeting new people. wow its alot to soak in.

   BUt with all the goods....there HAS to be a bad.

   Last night a second songbook of mine was stolen along with my headphones....but not the mp3??? And this is the SECOND songbook! I dont know why anyone would want them.... they have low value, its alll unfinished songs... but two of them??? Come on now! Who would take them...and why?

  BUT! i wont let them ruin spirit week for me ,cos this is the beat week ever! No one is taking me down with them. :)

Well after my break down last night ive just decided to start fresh. I mean since everyone is out of town or gone this weekend it should be no problem. Right?

This morning i awaoke feeling much better than i did yesterday and even better after taking an online piano quz and totally aces it! :) Whic is cool becoause im only going on my 3rd year of playing and 3rd year of lessons ! But i cant help but to feel like theres sooooooo much more to learn but that website didnt have intermediate coarses...it just said piano lessons and quiz..... oh well, i satar more lessons at school later this year early next year so yeah..... next year i hope to learn to play guitar though...it should be fun :)

So starting new sounds like a breeze righ? well i hope it is...I just plan on being more open to people and just focusing on music thats all.....  My 16th birthday is comming up so this is the perfect time to start. :)

I just cant help but feel trapped now these days. Its like something sucked me in and wont let me out..... I want to help others through music, i think thats my only purpose for being here. I dont care about money i dont care about fame...for me its all about spreading the love, helping others feel better by knowing theyre not alone in whatever they're going through. I live to love.

I want to start playing live shows...but i dont know if im good enough or strong enough to do that just yet. But i really want to help others in the only way i know how. Earlier this week i was going to record live performances but my camera is crap so thats a no. And i wont get a new one for a while... i also have to wait a while before i buy a laptop...so yeah im stuck playing alone in my room for now....

Also...stagefright! it just popped into my head randomly. When i sing alone or in a car im fine, but if you put someone else in the room my lungs shrivle up into nothing! its strange...

BEN ROMANS YOU ARE IT! YOU WERE MY ISNSPIRATION TO PLAY PIANO...it all started years ago when i tried to play the gitar but couldnt cos my fingers got sore...then a music video appered on my tv...it was called just the girl. I said whoa! these guys rock! i want to play like that! so i picked up the keys and said i like the accent the keybaordist gives that song so why not try to create my own music. And ive been playing ever since. AND WHEN I SAW YOU WERE PART OF THE ONE LOVE I HAD TO DO THE SAME, AND IM GLAD I DID COS THIS IS SUCH AN HONOR :) thank you Ben Romans :D

I just thought i should let all of you know where im comming from musiccally.... :)