I have written a New Years Eve blog literally 10 times and it refuses to post. So instead I will post a quick thank you to everyone that came to our apartment party and some of my favorite pictures.

So thank you to: Cassie, Jade, Cathy, Leigh, Brinn, Jonathan, Caroline, Eric, Victoria, Luke, Phil, Ben, Tommy, Lisa, Devin, Sarah, Kyle, PBF, Matt, Nick, Greg, Megan, Christie, Kelsey, Adele, Bloom, Michelle, Lindsey and whoever else I might've forgotten.

It's so nice to have seen some people I haven't seen in three years, some people that I see all the time and others who I haven't seen since the last One Love blogger extravaganza. Thanks to one and all for making it a night of downright debauchery.

As of recently I have found I've began to live my life in increments of when things occur in relation to my life. For example: seven years ago today I met my best friend, Victoria, outside of TLA in philly on a freezing cold day for the filming of The Biggest Fan and a Dream Street concert. I was wearing a yellow visor (yes, visor), a green Abercrombie shirt and black pants. She was wearing UFOs and either she or Misty had her hair up in the sickest hair do ever. Five years ago today I also met Laura and Anna Kong (fellow TOL bloggers!) and embarked on my first ever... tour? It was a three day long promotional trip to three different states, but regardless, THREE DAYS WITH CHRIS TROUSDALE. OMG.

Seven years ago yesterday was seeing Dream Street in Allentown where I met my friend Carissa and snuck back stage with a crappy laminated fanclub pass. I was intelligent for a 13 year old.

It's not all Dream Street, I'll have you know. July 24th will always be _____ many years from the day that I met Hanson. How about March 26th (or was it 28th? AmandaJo always reminds me) ______ many years from the first time I met McFLY. May 11th. Oh, that one we all know. Unless we don't and then you don't need to. I'll just say one simple word to spark anyones memory: haterversery. Ohhoho. 

How about September 11th? (And no, it's not a national tragedy for me anymore.)

November 26th is a good one. And it actually doesn't involve music! But it usually results in me getting obliterated every year it rolls around. Which is, oh, every year.

Regardless of what the date is or what band or memory is for, I've found that I must be growing up. It's my only true calculation of how much I've grown up, how much I've experienced, and how many days I still have to fill with even more memories. Dates are no longer just dates to me. They're days to call up old friends and exclaim, "HAPPY ANNIVERSERY!" or maybe it's just a day to reminisce. No matter what I do it's always nice to know that a day can build on itself. It's nice to know December 27th isn't just the day I met my best friend or the day I embarked on a bullshit little "tour". But it's all of the above and more. I like my dates, even if I can't always remember them.

So let's call today 5 years from the day I met Laura and Anna. Let's call it the day that I embarked on Chris Trousdale's ridiculous Biggest Fan promo junket. Let's call it 7 years from the day I met my best friend and let's even call it something more. Today is a day to build on those memories, to reach out and say, 'Hey! We met today!' if I don't still talk to the person. Or maybe I can make it more. Maybe today will be yet another one of those dates I can add to the list of memories in years gone past. My memories don't hinder me they only cause me to strive for more. To keep people in my life who I associate with dates gone by. To keep building and progressing on this thing called my life.

This year for xmas all I asked for was some clothes and 1 book, I got so much more!

I got

- A BluRay DVD player & The Dark Knight on BluRay (well, my whole family did... but let me tell you, the colors you see on a BluRay DVD on an HDTV don't even EXIST in real life. it's banana sandwich)

- An apple desktopppppppp. wahooooooooooooooooohohoooo.

- A *NEW* purple nano IPod! I lalalalove it. If you SHAKE IT IT SHUFFLES SONGS. I died. I'm so in love with it.

- Tales of Beedle The Bard (JK Rowling new book... kind of a let down. It was 13$ and I read it in literally 1 hour.)

- A whole bag of Este Lauder goodies including (but not limited to) DKNY perfume, Este Lauder delicious perfume that I can't think of the name of, moisturizer, make-up, ice pack/sleeping mask/heat it up and wear it to bed thing... etc.

- 175$

- And a shopping spree from my mothaaa (the mall was banoodles today. Mall after Christmas day for unlife.)

Tomorrow I will attend my 5th Christmas gathering of this season. Divorce/remarried/siblings/friends-that-are-family make my Christmas a little better and definitely a little longer than most others.

This year the Christmas partying won't stop until the day before NYE. Which really means I'm just going to listen to Ho Ho Hopefully by the Maine on repeat for a few more days because John's too sexy not to. Can't Stop Won't Stop. Caroline arrives at my apartment in two days!!! Yaaa.

Going to see Benjamin Button with Adele right nauuu. x

I'm still reeling from the loss, still a little bit delirious.

What is there to say about 2008? I don't particularly know. It's 3:16 in the morning and I can't sleep because I've just finished watching an episode of Sex and The City (probably my hundredth in the past two days) and I couldn't fight the urge to write because I want to be Carrie Bradshaw. I couldn't fight the urge to cry, either. It was Charlotte's wedding episode and in the final scene, after Aiden has left Carrie, she says a quote something along the lines of, "It's hard to find people who will love you no matter what." Cut to her with Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda. "Somehow, I've found three."

It's hard to imagine that I'd once had that. That and more. Five, to be exact. It's hard to imagine because this year has been a year of accidentally tearing it down. Growing up was hard to do while I watched what I thought was my life fall down around me. Rising above is always hard when all you want to do is go down, down, down.

So where have I come since this photo was snapped?

First, I think I'd like to pride myself on having slightly better fashion sense. I think it's grown a little in the past 12 months. I'm more traveled, I can now add Los Angeles (yes, I'd never been there before!) and Belize to my list of places I've been to.

I would like to be able to say that I can remember more that has changed beyond this picture and beyond my travels. I would love to tell you of the hoardes and hoardes of great memories that add to my incessant nostalgia. But instead, all I can say is: this year is marred. It has been marred by the death of someone who I don't think I ever truely appreciated while they were alive. With Stephanie gone my nights are endless without her to call and talk to on the phone. With Steph gone small, indecisive thoughts turn into civil wars in my mind without someone to run to. So what 2008 memories will I take with me into 2009? The Fourth Of July. Steph's raspberry scrubs. Jonas bonas. M.W. The last time I saw her @ the Honor Society, Runaway Orange show.

That's not to say this year has been horrible. In retrospect (which is what this blog is all about, duh.) I didn't know Runaway Orange or Honor Society at the time of my last said memory. But now I can proudly say I'm friends with both. It's amazing to look back at those memories of Steph and see not only where I've come since then but how much of her is attached to my life still. It's as if her life set into action a chain of events. If I didn't know Steph I wouldn't have seen Honor Society if I didn't see Honor Society I wouldn't have flown to L.A to see them on the Jonas tour. If I didn't fly to L.A on the Jonas tour I wouldn't have seen Denis and Cash Cash out at the Metro Station show. The chain of reactions goes on and on.

So this year has been a year of calculating the chain reactions that have been happening since the moment they set themselves into action. And still, it's bittersweet. You look back at the event that put it all in motion and you can't help but think, 'She was alive then. I'd give this moment to have that catalyst back. I would change right here and now if I could stop it all from happening.' I wish I could hold my head, be strong, say that I've been healing over time but this year has been a year of revelations. A year of realizing who I need to appreciate more. What events I need to appreciate more. I have a new sense of carelessness that I was never able to have prior to March 2008, not carelessness in the sense that I no longer care about people or things. But carelessness in the sense that a bad grade rolls off my shoulders. A mistake made by a friend or a fight I'd usually have held onto is suddenly over in the blink of an eye. Only the battles in myself rage on. I have a new sense of knowing that I am where I'm meant to be. Of finally understanding cause and effect. Of finally understanding it all.

I wish I could explain to somehow how vivid these memories are. How I can recall walking down the aisle to her, kissing my fingers and placing them on the white coffin. It's like a picture. I remember an exact word-for-word conversation I had with Caroline two days after it happened. But the memory I remember most is one that I haven't ever spoken about. No one was there to witness and somehow it's the one that I can replay in my mind second by second as though I were an outsider. It's the worst one of all. I can see myself on the computer, back against the wall, feet hanging off my bed, dialing Kat's number. I can see my face crumple as I hang up the phone. I can see myself pick up my phone and dial my mom as I walked calmly out of my dorm room and collapsed against the wall. I can see myself raking my hands through my hair while I called Amanda, sitting with my back against a tree, sobbing. I remember her asking me if I was really crying over Tokio Hotel. I remember not being able to think and then I remember it hitting. I can recall standing up and falling again. Tyler opening the door for me and asking what was wrong and me saying, "she's gone. My best friend is dead." I remember dialing Gabby's number, knowing I was going to be the one to break the news. I remember the sheer dread. I could handle it myself but how could I be the one to break my best friends heart? I can't forget how it was eating away at me, how I couldn't even bare it until the words were out of my mouth and I heard the silence. I remember texting Adele, telling her to call me when she could and, yet again, my heart shattering when my phone finally did ring. I will never forgive myself for breaking my best friends' hearts. What I will never forgive myself for, what I regret most is having to be the person that they associate that horrible memory with. I never want to be that person again.

I have grown a thousand times over and for that I am thankful for this year. But I'd give up my newfound non-teenaged seniority for her anyday. I'd give up my new outlooks on life for my best friends to be able to look at me the same way they once did and vice versa. I'd give anything to not have that sinking feeling everytime we're together and she's not there.

It's amazing that the one thing I remember occuring prior to March is the One Love gathering on January 23rd. That involved me sleeping on a cheeseburger in Kellogg's Diner (now located just a few blocks from my apartment), passing out on Chris's couch and puking on my lap in the morning. March was my turning point. It was the cause that effected it all. It's the reason I know file memories and people in my mind, each with a warm feeling of knowing they are special for reasons that may be unknown but will make themselves known in due time.

It's hard to look back on 2008 and be unable to remember anything other than her laugh, her smile, her life. I wish I could sit here and recall a moment further back than 2 months that I can say I was truly happy that doesn't involve Steph, but I can't. Perhaps it's because she was so much a part of my life or perhaps it's because in the past 9 months I've relived every moment over and over in my mind to the point that it is seared there with no means of getting around it.

Regardless, here's to hoping 2009 will be the year I find those that will love me unconditionally, no matter what. Again.

This week has managed to completely restore my faith in the music industry for mostly reasons that will go unsaid but a few reasons that I'll explain in the following few paragraphs:

Last night I went to go see Fall Out Boy at Nokia for their CD release! Just moments after accidentally giving a seven minute speech with my fly down! The show was awesome. Tyga opened and it was kind of surreal to be seeing Tyga about 2 weeks later and a whole seperate coast, but exciting nonetheless! Then FOB came out and I was enjoying the set but not loving it because my adoration for FOB fizzled somewhere around 2004 for reasons unknown.

Well, I ended up leaving the crowd (who was the most boring/WORST CD release crowd I've ever experienced) to go sit in the back for a while and then I get a text from Jade during a speech Pete was giving about Gabe Sapporta and she just says, 'Now!' And I knew in my heart it was time to vomit so I ran down into the crowd and found Jade just in time for "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out" to begin. The first song I EVER heard from FOB back in 2001 on their PUREVOLUME (Oldschool, I know.) I flipped out and then flipped out even more when they closed out the show with Saturday and Jade and I stood beneath Pete Wentz who had tears in his eyes, a smile on his face and my heart in his hands.

After the show Tommy, Lisa, Chris, Devin and myself made our way down through the icy rain to Alphabet City where we ate some food and heade over to Angelsss and Kingsss. The moment we walked in I spotted Michelle, Lindsey, Adele, Denis and Joe. I still am positive that AK47 is the only place that you can go and meet 20 new people and still manage to know the other 40 people in the bar. Or vice versa. But either way, by the time the night is over you know everyone in that whole bar. Once again, strange to see Denis on the East Coast when the last place I'd seen him was at the Metro Station show on the West Coast but fun nonetheless! I like that my music follows me... or perhaps... ok, yeah... you're right... I follow my music. Haha.

The night went as follows: drinks.drinks.drinks. HOLY CRAP THE BEST DANCE OFF EVER BETWEEN JOE AND JADE WHICH INVOLVED LOTS OF JOHN TRAVOLTA-ESQUE MOVES & TONS OF SHIMMYING. drinks.drinks.drinks. NEW PEOPLE! drinks.drinks. alexfromalltimelowissosexy. drinks.drinks. where's TR knight? drinksdrinks. meeting fellow blogger/jersey-ite megan! yaay! drinks. tonight is the night is the night of knight. drinks.drinks. i'msotiredi'mgoingtogohome.

There were probably a little less drinks and a little more talk but oh well. Before heading home I met a gay couple who offered me their umbrella and we all three managed to fit under it. I asked them if they knew what they said about men with big umbrellas and when I hit them with "they have big umbrella stands" they laughed for 10 hours. I'm that funny.

Anyway! Hello to anyone I met at AK last night - I know I promoted the heck out of TOL! :)

I'm gearing up for my second year of finals at a new school. That marks me as a sophmore, or something like that. Educationally, at least. I don't know if I feel like a sophmore mentally, physically or even emotionally.

In some regards I feel so much older; so much more educated that my peers and yet, in the same breath, I look at myself and wonder how I'm 20. I feel nowhere near 20. I feel like I'm the exact same person I was when I was 14 and reading Tuck Everlasting and wishing to be 18 for the rest of my life. What do I wish I could be now? 21? Perhaps. It seems pretty ideal but in reality I just wish I could be.

In the past few days I've finally grasped something that I'd never notice or, at least, never taken the time to notice. Two weeks ago I got a new roommate into our apartment since Cassie's headed home for a little bit and said roommate is just a random girl from craigslist. She's interesting, fun and a great listener but at the end of the day when we head home from a party or a gig or if we're just sitting on the couch talking it's hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that there are people in this world that aren't fully invested in the music industry. It sounds so pretentious and close minded and Cassie asked me, 'But what about your friends from high school?' And, growing up in North Jersey, 30 minutes from the city and in the hub of underground music and venues I must admit: even my non-music industry friends at least know their basic music industry knowledge. Throw out a musical reference or a pop culture reference and they'll understand it, if not be able to throw one back at you.

Living with Christie has just been the first time that I've been introduced to someone who, in some aspect of their life, hasn't thrown themself head first into pop culture, whether intentionally or not. It's things like one person's comment along the lines of "New York City is just one huge pop culture reference." Or me driving through LA with Cassie and saying, "I think I'm in music's verison of Disney World"... it's things like that that get my wheels spinning. It's subtle things like Fall Out Boy's naming of "Music Or The Misery" being a quote in High Fidelity, the book. Or perhaps all of Panic! At the Disco's songs being titled after Closer quotes and written about Chuck Palahniuk books. Music isn't just about music. It's about broadening your horizons and deepening your knowledge. It's amazing how much music has helped me learn, whether it was my ABCs or plotlines of movies and books. It's fantastical to be reading a book or glancing at a set of lyrics and connecting it all back to each other.

It's as if Gym Class Heroes "Taxi Cab" has become my life. (Listen to it)

I've began piecing my entire life together with music and it all fits like a puzzle. My days tick by to the beatings of drums. My only knowledge of time passing is whether or not there's new songs on my IPod. So what in the world holds together the pieces of peoples lives that don't love music like I do? It's not criticism, it's a question, I'd geniunely love to know.

I might not be 21 but when I pretend to be it results in really, really bad situations.

i.e - puking all over the Lower East Side.

It's this time of year that I finally get around to being too busy waiting for the first flake to realize it's you I've been waiting for all along. I want you to know I'd forget it all just to remember what we used to be like. The twinkle of your eyes has always shone brighter than even the brightest bulb on the tree; let's dance next to it one last time. I can't stand up on my own so how did you ever imagine I'd grow up without you?

Christmas lights in different shades of blue
I look so pale, I feel so sick to not be here with you.
Just tell me that you miss me too,
you've been gone for too long.
& I need you to be back home with me now
The snow outside means nothing when you're gone.
Everything I needed is in you.

September 13th, 2003 I stepped foot in a venue down the street from my house called Bloomfield Ave Cafe. I was 14 and going to see Arrogant Sons of Bitches open for Big D and the Kids Table (yes, I loved ska.) At that show I met with a kid I'd known since 6th grade but for some unknown reason we'd always hated each other. I took a picture with him.

This is that picture. And this is the boy I call my best friend to this day; 5 years later.

I never understood that the venue I'd walked into that night would be a venue that would change the rest of my life. I didn't understand that for the next 4 consecutive years I would spend nearly every weekend at BFAC. I didn't understood who I was seeing when I was standing in that shoddy little room that was no bigger than my entire apartment now. I had no idea that the dodgy couches in the corner would be something that I'd cry over tonight. Because tonight I found out that the BFAC closed. I don't know when and I don't know how but I was reminiscing with Cassie about how amazing the New Jersey music/fanbase scene is and suddenly I had the urge to see what great band was playing BFAC this week. I looked up the website and all there was was a collection of Greatest Memory videos. I started crying.

I haven't stopped crying since.

This wasn't just a venue. This wasn't just a place that I met my best friend. This was an entire era in my life. It feels as though '08 has been the deciding factor in me realizing that everything has changed. Everything is different. It's the end of a lot of things and I just don't know if I was prepared to realize that this was one of them.

BFAC paved my love for music. BFAC introduced me to some of the greatest live shows I've seen in a room full of less than 50 people. I have seen Paramore, Jonas Brothers, The Spill Canvas, The Academy Is..., The Rocket Summer, Cash Cash, The Plain White T's, Casino, My Chemical Romance, This Providence, This Day & Age, the list goes on and on. The stage has been graced by Boys Like Girls, Dashboard Confessional, Folly, that list goes on and on as well. This is the venue that was hosting the Jack's Mannequin show I had to go to that wasn't even close to sold out and got canceled when Andrew McMahon was diagnosed with lukemia. That. Day. This is the venue that's couches saw me fall asleep on them numerous times during the sets of Socratic, This Day & Age, Steel Train, Tokyo Rose and many more, all because I'd come to the venue straight from school, do my homework in the corner of the room, watch a set of a band I loved (Usually Cash Cash) and then fall asleep on the couch until JP packed up merch and drove me home. This is the venue whose occupants saw me drive my car to a show for the first time ever. The same night that Kevin Jonas lied to me about owning a convertible. The same night Nick Jonas was diagnosed with diabetes.

I'm still crying.

There's nothing say. This probably doesn't even make sense to anyone. It's 4 in the morning and I can't help but feel like I've gotten the air knocked out of me. I spent summers going to BFAC for events that my friends hosted, walking down the street afterwards to Quizno's. I remember winters when you'd stand outside, freezing, waiting for your favorite band to come out and suddenly noticing that you couldn't even peak in the windows of the venue anymore because it had fogged over from the sheer heat inside. I miss skanking so hard I had to buy the bands merch because my shirt was sweat through. And yes, I wore the band merch at the show. I remember the way I felt when I stood a row away from Nick Thomas and sang along to All Hail The Heartbreaker. I remember days like that perfectly. I remember it all perfectly, and for having a crap memory, that's saying something.

I'll miss BFAC. I love BFAC and I'm going to leave everyone with this review left on a BFAC page by a local Brooklynite...

If someone asked me where I spent my nights and weekends from age 14 - 18, it would have to be here. I met some of my best friends here, as well as boyfriends, favorite bands, etc. I celebrated three birthdays here, fell in love here, gained friends and lost friends. All in this tiny place in Montclair, New Jersey.

Bloomfield Ave Cafe has had shows and become a staple in NJ lives. Not just small Jersey kids played here, but bigger acts as well. Was it really a cafe? Well, no. The only thing I remember having is water. It wasn't air conditioned, the stage was tiny and become an amazing place for intimate moments with your favorite bands, small acoustic sets, etc. Shows were always packed, even in the sweltering summer months where you could see the steam pour out of the front doors. The mismatched couches, floors and chairs added to it's ambiance.

Touche. We all love the cafe.

I would like to thank you for showing me
A part of myself that I had never seen
Yeah, we were young & dumb but it still was fun
& I guess these things just tend to fall apart
I would like to thank you for showing me
A part of the world that I had never seen,
Yeah, I was young & dumb but it still was fun
& I am forever indebted to you.

x

I don't want to be powerful I just want to be passionate.

So, there we were (Cassie and myself) on our way to Vegas from LA in some crappy ol' Dodge that we got from Enterprise. As we pulled into the welcome zone for Nevada something on a billboard caught my eye and my heart immediately started pumping a little faster. There, on a huge billboard in front of me, were the giant letters "SMG" and I knew and understood that Steph was there. I knew I'd find her there, I just didn't know she'd be that apparent. So I jumped out of the car and made sure to snap a few pictures, feel the sun on my face and smile.

So then we're hauling ass through the desert once again and we make it to the hotel and then we realize just what we're doing. First of all, I forgot that people could smoke in doors in Neveda? G-ross. My eyes were burning the second we walked in the door and everything smelt like smokey crap garbage. Anyway, we went up to the hotel room and lazed around for a while before gearing up to go to the 8pm Jonas/Demi/HONOR SOCIETY show. (We pulled up at 3pm so we couldn't make it to the first). I was so ridiculously excited as I got ready that I was pretty much a wreck.

Anyway, we drove over to New York New York which has become my favorite casino in all of Vegas. It's just super freaking cool and you can stay in different buildings of New York and ride a rollercoaster. I mean, so baller! I wish that they had rollercoasters that circled all of Manhattan in real life. Bummer that they don't. Walked over to MGM Grand and prepared ourselves for what was going to be one of the most intensely proud moments of my entire life (I can't even imagine how people who have been on the project since day one must've felt, letalone their parents...)

First I made sure to document that it was really occuring:

Then we made our way over to our seats and that's when I mentally slapped myself in the face for not having brought a camera. We were 6th row against the catwalk on the floor. It was incredible and completely worth the flight, drive, cigarette hotel casino, etc. I got completely amped up and then Honor Society came out and I just about fainted. That's when I was glad I hadn't brought a camera because I would've lived it all out from behind the lense and not have even thought to just take it in. So I sat there and I took it in and I still remember nothing of it because my lip was quivering and my hands were shaking and I was out of my mind with excitement.

The way that we were angled we had this perfect God-like view from behind when Mike would walk down the catwalk. I don't have a picture of any of his particular moments because I was hyperventalating but here's one of Jonas'

The blurry camera phone picture doesn't really suffice but you get the jist. I could see Kat's mom crying down the end of the aisle and the Bruno family singing along and just beaming. It was far too exciting to even try to put into words.

Then Demi came out. At one point I thought she was going to cry on stage. It was a little intense but that girl is a great performed.

Then Jonas came out. And, let me tell you, about 5 seconds after they hit the stage it hit me that I was in Vegas watching the Jonas Brothers from 6th row up against the catwalk and, just like that, the proud feeling came rushing back. I've only ever seen them on the East Coast near or around their hometown, I'd never really considered how many fans they had across the globe. Of course I always knew but I just never considered.

After the show we made our way back to our hotel and abso-freaking-lutely passed out. I was so wiped, I can't even imagine how the bands felt with back-to-back shows like that.

I think I'll end my saga here because it could definitely go on for about 2 more blogs worth but essentially: the LA show was the next day and it ended up taking us 9hrs to get from Vegas to LA. We missed the entire thing and there were lots of tears shed on my behalf, regardless of the fact that we got tequila flavored lollipops with real worms at some gas station in the desert. Went to In-N-Out Burger with Kat, Janice, Lisa and Tony who I was extremely scared and nervous to meet but after giving him a tequila-pop I think we resolved matters pretty quickly. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Remind me to go across the country for shows more often but only if I have a sure fire way of making it to both scheduled.

First and foremost I want to ask everyone to keep my family in their prayers... they went to visit my sister who is teaching over in Bangkok and for the past 4 days my mom and stepdad have been trapped in Bangkok with no way out because of the political situation. It's extremely scary not being able to do anything about it and I'm worrying about it everyday.

But today is my final day in LA and I'm hopin to make the most of it. :( I am extremely sad about it but this trip has been chock full o' craziness. It's been a trip of fun, sadness, happiness, proudness, traffic. You know, the usual.

So I got in at 8ish on Thanksgiving and took a shuttle over to Cassie's terminal to meet her. (She got in about 30 minutes after me) we had a fiasco attempting to get a rental car but Enterprise finally pulled through and got us one. We headed out and drove around LA for a bit (by 'for a bit' I really mean until 1:30AM) we saw everything I've ever dreamed of seeing including (but not limited to) the Roxy, The Chinese Theater, The Bellagio, Sunset & Vine (HILARY DUFF!!!!), Santa Monica Blvd, and... last but definitely not least... LA Ink. When I saw it I went hysterical. There were tears and hyperventalating and you know, the usual. I adore Kat Von D. I adore LA Ink. It was a big deal and I prided myself on being able to recognize it without knowing where it was, while driving pretty quickly.

Anyway, the next day we woke up and went to Santa Monica which is my idea of a great city. City on the beach? Can't get any better than that. We got on the internet for a while and then headed out to Club Nokia in LA which, for some reason, had a RIDICULOUSLY HUGE crowd outside of it. So while Cassie parked I ran up and got some tickets to the Cash Cash/Tyga/White Tie Affair/Metro Station show and went in just as Cash Cash got on stage. It was far too exciting. There was a lot of solo squealing on my behalf. Just seeing a band I've loved and supported since I was in legitimately 6th grade playing in LA was like a dream come true. Trace Cyrus and Mason Musso coming out on stage for Party In Your Bedroom didn't really make matters any better either. Especially because I couldn't stop laughing at the fact that Cash Cash & Trace Cyrus could do a stupendous reinactment of any scene in Lord Of The Rings that involves hobbits & Gandalof. After Cash Cash's set I got to see Alex and JP which was pretty hilarious to do consdering they didn't know I was in LA. We talked for a little and then Cassie and I went to watch Tyga. Well, half way through Tyga this kid walks up that I can swear up and down is Ben Romans. So we're joking about it when he turns to the side and something hits me: It's Simon from 7th Heaven. And I'm like 85% positive. So Cassie and I are cracking up with laughter when JP comes over and I end up telling him that we think Simon is at the show by himself. Well, JP takes it upon himself to run over and start chatting the kid up. Moral of the story: members of 7th Heaven apparently do exist outside of the show. And Simon likes Metro Station, I guess? Haha.

I met the boy (I won't say man since he was 16) of my dreams at the show. He thought I was Emma Hunton (Ilse from Spring Awakening) and I didn't exactly deny it. Haha. I've been On The Line-ing for his love for the past week but I have yet to find him. :( Boo.

After the show we realized something pretty cruical: the reason for the HUGE crowd outside Club Nokia was the fact that the Lakers had a game. Apparently they won because there was a sea of yellow and purple fans making their way out with clappers whilst screaming, shouting, running, etc. It was insane.

Anyway, WE GOT SOME IN-N-OUT BURGER (ANIMAL STYLE) and it was amazing. Even if we had to drive to Toluca Lake for it. Then we headed home and passed out. Woke up and  started out 4 hour drive to Vegas.

(I would get excited about a Hanson cover song)

I had the last part of the trip in this blog before but it got lengthy and I realized I was missing a lot of parts so... hang in there and soon you'll be getting part two of the animal style trip. (Vegas, Honor Society & Jonas)

So as most of you know, Cassie & I are out on the West Coast for the week for some vacation time, shows & meetings. (The last part is more Cassie's thing than mine...) ANYWAY! I decided to give you guys a quick recap of what to look forward to in my actual blog that's going to be coming up in most likely more than 1 part in a week... so here goes.

- LA Ink & Me crapping my pants
- Me crapping my pants everywhere we went in LA.
- In & Out Burger (animal style.)
- Cash Cash, Metro Station, Tyga & The White Tie Affair @ Club Nokia
- Simon Camden from 7th Heaven. (Yeah, it's freaky.)
- Me meeting a 15 year old who I've decidedly fallen into lust with. I'm currently On The Line-ing for him all over MySpace & LA thanks to Caroline's help.
- The nutty drive from LA to Vegas

& then DUH... the Jonas/Demi/HS show tonight. Everyone's here! Kat, Janice, Lisa, Me, Cassie (it's pretty much a One Love blogger reunion) then obviously our newest bloggers: Honor Society. Yaaahhh. Expect great things, I know I am.

How can they disrespect me like that? How can people I have known and loved and done everything for for the past 5+ years do that to me? How can I watch 2 people get arrested on my front lawn because I stood up for myself? How?

I am devestated. I have been walked on. Tripped over. Torn apart. I am finally realizing who my true friends are.

It's the one that comes over after all is said and done with a bag full of Wendy's with all my favorites in it. It's the one that sits at my kitchen table shouting about who sucks most and why. It's the one that has been there for me for the past 5 years and who I hope never leaves my side, regardless of how crazy he makes me when he does something dumb. It's the one that offers, that calls, that is there. It's the one who I say, 'No don't worry about it. Do what you want.' to And then call back five minutes later sniffling and begging to come over. It's the one who I called the moment it happened. Who I called the moment anything ever happens. Who is there even when he isn't. Who is there even when I'm not.

It's the one whose birthday I will drive 3+ hours home to celebrate with a Devil Dog, a candle and a spiderman balloon. It's the one who rode his bike to my house before he could drive because he got into a fight with his mom and didn't know where else to go. It's the one that took me to see that stupid Vin Diesel movie and laughed with me through the entire thing. It's the one who I hadn't spoken to in three months when it all happened and who I laid in a bed crying over for a full day in November 3 years ago. And who I finally got up the balls to text and ask to see and who took me to Pizza Hut, sat me down and listened to all the details of the most screwed up day of my entire life. This week in November will go down in history for always having been the worst. I always forget when it rolls around that it's notorious for break ups, make ups, hook ups and apparently fuck ups can be added to that list.

But you remind me of the person I should be. Of the person I can be. Sometimes I feel ashamed to be so outspoken about it but tonight is a night of standing up for what I believe in and I believe that I have been granted one of the best best friends ever, even if the other thirty or so that claim to be my friends so openly stab me in the back. I'll never turn my back on you long enough for you to do it. I will never turn my back on you in general. I will always be here.

It's the end of an era but the beginning of me realizing how much you mean to me... all over again.

P.S - happy 3 years to me and myself

Today Cassie and I went to go get our hair done from Anna Kong's friend Seven. She was absolutely incredible! I got a new set of locks that I am insanely obsessed with. She currently works in DC but is looking to beef up her portfolio in New York City so we took a few before and after shots and I'm just so pleased with it! I highly recommend anyone thats in need of a haircut email Anna or ask me for Seven's information - she seriously rocks and it was so fun!

Anyway, when we were walking down Lex I suddenly saw this store with KILLER shoes in it and I decided I had to go in, so I pointed and hauled ass across the street while Cassie followed me... we get into the store and realize that it's something akin to a thrift store. Except not used clothes but instead clothes that hadn't gotten sold at places like Wet Seal, Forever21, etc. Well I picked up a shirt that I was so amped on and headed to the dressing room.

Turns out that borrowing clothes from other stores should have been indication that it was all a make-shift hoax of a store. But hey, I figured... cheap clothes!? WHY NOT?! Anyway, I get to the dressing room and I head on in when I notice a woman that's down to her undies in the middle of the room and I'm like, 'Oh weird. Why wouldn't she just change in the stall........' and that's when it hit me. The changing room was one room. Not rooms plural. One. Giant. Room. With. Four. Mirrors. I started laughing. Then I started hyperventalating and then I decided I was about to cry but I had to man up and pretend that I'd known that I was about to get naked with 4 ladies I didn't know. So I stood literally pressed into the corner and weeped to myself while trying on clothes.

When I walked out I whisked Cassie outside and said, 'Well... I just experienced my first communal changing room.' And Cassie about crapped in her pants with laughter.

When we got home Cassie googled some information on communal dressing rooms and we found out 59% of women say they will never, attempt it. Turns out I'm in the minority then.

So, I wish I could warn all you ladies not to go to this store but I didn't even catch the name. Serves me right for having 700$ in my bank account and deciding I just had to shop during the recession. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb Lauren.

I've been chasing you for years now. My life, my future, my past - it's all been dedicated to you and yet you're elsewhere. It's a constant uphill battle looking for you.

Are you one of the great ones? That's all I want to know. It's all I need to know.

I look to the future for a glimpse of the past.

I want to be the part of the machine that malfunctions. I want to be the flaw in this world that strives for perfection.

Give me something tangible. Give me great. Give me a legend. I keep looking but maybe I'm blinded by the present. I just can't see how what we're making now is anything close to what we've made in the past. And when I find you will it be all that I hope? There's something frightening in getting it all, isn't there?

I don't want to be the one that ruins you for life and yet you're doing such a good job of taking that title on for me.

Let's be one of the love stories that goes down in history. I'd kill for the lead role.

The other day Cassie was filling me on some One Love statistics (they're literally my favorite thing in the world). And she told me that my name had been googled 43 times and brought people to the site. I started thinking about why in the world people would be googling my name and I didn't come to any conclusions except I'm really cool. Who wouldn't want to google me? And/or they were looking for another Lauren Eberle. But I really like the former, to be honest, so I'll stick with me just being really cool and people being ridiculously interested in me.

So I got to thinking, 'I wonder what people do know about me to make me look cool enough to google.' And then, what's more, 'what don't people know?' And that's when I decided to write a blog with 100 facts about me (or as far as I can get). It might be boring and maybe no one on the site will read it but someone will google me and find it and be like, 'oh duh. THAT'S why I'm so interested in the enigma that is Lauren Eberle and her awesomeness.'

So here goes...

1. I grew up in Basel, Switzerland and Bangkok, Thailand
2. My favorite band in the whole world is Hanson (but really, that's no surprise to anyone that knows me.
3. I am currently writing a novel and plan to finish it by the time I'm 25. No one has seen it.
4. I am currently wearing red leggings, knee high socks, a man's long button down shirt and a furry vest. (It's cold. I swear.)
5. There are three things that can make me cry just by mentioning them... they are: Disney, Wicked and Hanson. Once Cassie made up a scenario where Wicked was being performed at Disney World in front of the castle and I cried for a few days about it.
6. I am currently majoring in Public Relations and I'm a sophmore in college. (Or, technically, an upper level freshman. But we won't get into that.)
7. I loathe 2 cities in this world and they are Paris and Philadelphia. I've warmed up to the possiblity of loving Paris over the past year but I still loathe Filthadelphia.
8. I have a dog named Mitcho and I speak to him in ridiculous voices/accents. He is my life.
9. I am a double Libra (sun & rising sign) and a Leo Moon.
10. Yes, I will refer to my horoscope/astrological sign when nutty things are going on in my life.
11. I once owned a pink chicken named Emily Rainbow. She got eaten by a cat when I was on vacation in Phuket.
12. I look up at least 6 flights a day.
13. I have 5 step-brothers.
14. I once was sent a role playing site where someone was playing me and made me make out with Kelly Osbourne. I'm scared to meet Kelly Osbourne to this day because of it.
15. When I was 4 my sister convinced me to put a tub of vaseline in my hair to make it shiney. I fully believe that my hair has never recovered.
16. I have seen Hanson 45 times, Dream Street 30 times and Jonas Brothers 20 times.
17. I could pass off as Nate Campany's little sister.
18. I have an apartment with Cassie and 2 other roommates in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
19. I once went shopping with McFly.
20. Bryce Avary showered in my shower.
21. My favorite letter is f.
22. I make shrinky dink jewelry.
23. I believe in Past Lives and am facisnated by PLR (past life regression.)
24. My favorite movies are Boondock Saints, Almost Famous (duh) and When Harry Met Sally.
25. I read like it's my job.
26. I have one older sister who is 22. Or 23. One or the other...
27. My favorite color is lime green.
28. My room is lime green.
29. I'm currently listening to A-Punk by Vampire Weekend.
30. I love the smell of the dark pink marker.
31. When I get hungry my stomach doesn't growl. Instead it makes this acidy noise in the back of my throat that no one else can hear.
32. I am obsessed with my mother's BBQ Chicken.
33. I tend to take on every dare presented to me as long as it doesn't endanger my life.
34. When I was 6 I got my foot stuck in a revolving door. For this exact reason I am TERRIFIED of revolving doors and will yell if anyone goes too fast.
35. I'm also afraid of the dark.
36. And snakes. I have to get my feet off the ground if I even so much as see one on T.V.
37. I also have a massive phobia of people touching my shoulders.
38. I also have a phobia of worms and in 2nd grade someone once found out and dropped one down my shirt. I have been even more terrified ever since.
39. When I was in Kindergarten in Asia I told my teacher I wanted to be a Broadway dancer even though I had never been to New York City. I now live in New York City.
40. When I was in 5th grade I told my teacher I wanted to meet Hanson and become something in the music industry. I've met Hanson and am going to school to become something in the music industry.
41. I'm bored and going to watch Californication.

So Amanda hasn't washed her hair in 10 days and I just washed mine and I was thinking, 'where would I be if I didn't wash my hair for the next 10 days?' And then I thought Oh! I would currently be in a car feeling really dirty after having just got off a plane 2 days before. I would have gone to see Metro & Cash Cash with superbly dirty hair and I would probably be grossing Cassie out in the car as we drove to Vegas. And, if I went for an 11th day I would attend the Jonas show on the 29th with the worlds dirtiest head of hair. I think even they would be repulsed and I just can't afford another track record like that with Nick Jonas.

So here's an ode to 10 days from today, where I'll be and what I'll make sure not to do (or definitely do, depending on how you look at it.) Nick J, I swear I'll shower for you only because this picture provides me with hours of endless fun (and my cousin with hours of endless googling apparently because I was once told, 'Your pictures with Jonas are, like, everywhere! Because Nick used to smile in all your pictures!' Aw, thanks bud. Now I'm the #1 stalked commodity on the internet in the realm of girls aged 13 - 25. I mean... 15. That was a typo.)

Stalk away.

P.S - I have no idea why I was standing so far away. Actually, I have a few guesses but I'll leave the guess work for you guys to do.

P.P.S - yes, it does look like his hoodie is covered with marijuana leaves... in case you were noticing... not that I was...

10 DAYS! YAYAYYYY!

Jade just purchased me a gift from England and the only hints that she will give me are those that make up this blog title. Let's brain storm people. I'm so intrigued.

The illegal part is really throwing me off. I know plenty of hot, awkward British things. But illegal?

Can I really wait over a month for something hot, awkward and illegal? I didn't even know I was missing such a thing from my life. It makes me wonder what I've been doing with the last 20 years of my life.

PS - if anyone actually finds out YOU ARE NOT BY ANY MEANS ALLOWED TO TELL ME. I really like surprises.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bnFCUgJ5LY

I'm glad someone let me wear that shirt out in public. Really.

He caught my eye on the L. We transfered. He caught my eye over the sea of moving people on the E. We smiled. He walked next to me to Port Authority. I laughed. I introduced myself. "Are we following each other?"

Have to catch the E going downtown.
Why? You just got off the E uptown.
I rode it a few more stops to meet you.

My heart melted.

In the year 2000 the US, along with every other government in the world, created something called The Millennium Developement Goals. The Millennium Developement Goals were focused around cruical areas such as education, access to food, access to healthcare and reduction in maternal morality. Things that the average American need not worry about but things that define the poverty-stricken countries of this world. Every government in the world PROMISED to achieve most of these goals by 2015. They promised to have extreme poverty by 2015. It is now 2008. Most governments are failing to meet their promises already. We have 7 years left to do what we can.

This is where you come in. Where inmyname.com comes in.

Take these statistics given in the In My Name commercial for example:

Every minute a woman dies because there is no doctor or midwife to tend to her. It would take only 700,000 midwives to help solve this. A cost othe equavilent to that of what U.S consumers spend on bottled water in a year.

A child dies every five seconds from poverty; whether it's unsanitized water, a misquito bite that causes malaria or starvation. It would cost 50 billion dollars to eliminate child death caused by poverty - the same amount of money China spent on getting ready for the 2008 Olympics.

Pharmacuetical companies spent 30 billion dollars a year on advertising alone. Half of that money would stop the spread of AIDs and help treat anybody infected by it in the world.

Americans spend an acculumated 22 billion dollars on ice cream in a year. It would take only 11 billion dollars a year to create and maintain universal education in all countries.

I understand that this is a time of recession, but if anything this should be a time for us to think about it even more. We all suddenly feel the pressure of the recession, perhaps even the fear of the said taxes that our future president promises to impose - so shouldn't now be a time to reflect on those that have even less? Those that have nothing to fear because, unlike us, they have nothing to lose.

Maybe it's the fact that I grew up in Thailand and I had at least 10 misquito nets, all in a different color to go with whatever mood I was feeling. Whatever color my room was. Whatever color was my favorite at that time. When I read the statistic about children dying from malaria it felt like a slap in the face. I had laid in that bed for 2 years and how many miles away from a dying, poverty-stricken child? All the while none the wiser. I even took those nets with me when we moved to America and placed them in my bedroom because I liked how they made me feel like a 'princess'. A survival mechanism for one group of people was viewed by me as only a reason to feel more entitled.

We have been the generation that has seen the election of the first African American president. We have been the generation that has seen the marriage of two people of the same sex. Let's be the generation that doesn't just allow our own country to prosper and grow - let's help the others. Let us be the generation to stand up and tell our world leaders to keep their promises and eradicate world poverty. We don't choose where we are born. We don't choose our parents. It may feel hopeless but we can choose what kind of a world we want to live in; what kind of a world we want our children to grow up in. Please go to INMYNAME.COM and sign the petition. You needn't do anything more if you don't feel like it but at least take the time to realize how fortunate we are just by chance. By mere chance we were born here and not there. And then do the right thing and educate yourself.

If anyone has taught me anything about the power of one voice; the ability to do what we set our minds to and the ways in which we can make everyday a charitable day it's been Hanson. I have walked more than one mile barefoot beside them in order to raise awareness for AIDs in Africa.  I have stood in Nokia Theater and cried over songs about infant morality rates, leadership roles and uniting as a nation to conquer this great divide. I have purchased TOMs shoes all the while knowing that I had just supplied someone in Africa with a pair as well. I have purchased songs on ITunes for nothing more than .99$ and aided the relief in Africa. I think it's time I take on the rest of the world & leave Hanson to do what they do best:

We're the generation of the silver spoon,
No one can create but we can still consume...
The time has come; welcome to the world - it'll let you down
The time has come for you to
live it up, let it go, show them what you're made of
& WE'LL TAKE OUR CHANCES GETTING INVOLVED
The USA's got freedom of choice
So call up your congressman - ABUSE your voice.

I just stumbled upon this picture in one of my super old albums and realized two things:

1. I could have 13.99$ x 13 in my bank account right now instead of a balance of 0.00$ and 4 Joey trading cards, 2 Joe, 1 Ben (you were the hardest to find) and 2092049 Eric Dill's. Sorry, Ethan, you didn't make it into the Jersey Best Buy boxes apparently.

2. If I had known even half the people I know now I probably could've rigged the whole reciept contest, won the dinner date and charmed you all into oblivion. I guess that'll never happen now.

So to The Click Five please get around to creating a Kyle trading card and another receipt contest in which I can rig and not spend 13.99$ x 13 on to lose. And/Or have this CD stop being made so I can sell it for thousands of dollars to unsuspecting Asian fans. (Why is it I have 13 Imrie House CDs and 0 It's About Time CDs which are out of press and making 400$ a pop?) DAMNIT.

Cassie, Kat, Janice and I depart for LA in t-minus 2 weeks and 3 days. If that doesn't make you ridiculously excited I just don't know what will.

I've also been attempting to work up the courage to speak to a dreamy British boy in one of my classes for the entire semester and I just got an IM from my good friend Pete who grew up in England saying he knows said dreamsicle from playing basketball when he lived in Brighton. WHAT ARE THE BLOODY CHANCES?!!! I suddenly have a conversation starter! Hoorah!!!

If you don't know me well then you probably don't know that creepy world-colliding things constantly happen in my life. And regardless of how often they happen I am always, ALWAYS blown away by them. It really is a small world.

Kudos to Jesse Ruben for my blog title. I'm getting ready for bed and decided to make a sleepy playlist. He owns the entire thing. I love sleepy, sweet songs singing me to bed. So make sure you go purchase Jesse's album. It's really so freaking fantastic.

Tonight I began to wonder if my biggest problem is that I don't have one.

Will I ever look back and wonder if this is the straw that broke the camels back? I hope not but part of me knows I'm lying to myself the moment the words escape my mouth.

I wish I'd been there just in time to save you. I wish I'd been anywhere in time to save anyone.

Here's to hoping someone finds me when it all happens.

How do I suck at all things that require reliability? Honestly. I just got reemed out for never showing up to my internship. I should love it and instead I wake up at 9am, groan, turn off my alarm clock, sleep through the day and wake up in time for classes.

I'm not even doing well in said classes. I need to keep my grades up and I need to keep this internship and I need a job and I've never held a job. Why am I a lost cause when it comes to being a grown up?

This is my vow to become a grown up in the next 3 weeks of classes, my internship and life.

Too bad I just stressed myself out so badly I trudged through the rain to get a pack of cigarettes. I hadn't smoked in a week. I was so proud.

I guess addictions are my thing. Funny they're the only thing I can commit myself to.

I am a lost cause.

The title of my blog was rapped to me over a PA system while Cassie and I walked into Times Sq. from Columbus Circle. It was INSANITY.

I am so happy to see New York City in the state that it was tonight. I hope that this is an indication of how happy people will continue to be for the next 4 years. Even if it's half as happy... tonight was incredible. Cassie and I left the Arciero's after the Obama party (and me bawling like a baby during his speech) and decided (after seeing screaming groups of kids with Obama signs) to go to Times Sq. So we walked the 10 or so blocks and every block held a new surprise. 8th and 58th was some sort of Obama rally where people of all races and types were jumping around, screaming, crying, hugging each other. Somewhere between 54th and 51st lots and lots of hugs were given to street vendors, random boys, random girls, random men... anyone and everyone who turned to you and screamed, 'OBAMA?!' was a reason to high five, hug and scream.

But once we hit Times Sq. it was sheer madness. We huddled under the lights of the city while hundreds of people stared up at the sky and belted the Star Spangled Banner together. There were Obama chants from people in Obama masks and traffic was honking to the beat of 'Yes We Can.' It was mayhem. Everyone was running into the street, high fiving cab drivers and passengers. It was insanity. I can't even explain what it was to witness history in New York City.

History. Has. Been. Made. We have witnessed it. This is it. Photos from tonight will be printed into text books for our children to pour over.

History. Is. Now. I can't stress it enough. Regardless of whether you supported Obama or not, at least realize that this is a life changing election. We've done it. Yes we did.

Every stop on the subway people got off clapping, shouting, hooting and hollering. When we transfered from the N to the L we could hear the people above us on the streets commanding Obama chants.

I have never been more pleased to see change, happiness, love and unity before. I love New York City and I loved it 100x more tonight.

Spread the joy. Spread the love. Spread the change.

I'm horrible at remembering dates. I mean, absolutely horrible. Ask any of my friends. You will tell me 5 times in a day that I'm going to a show on Friday and by that night I'll be sitting there racking my brain trying to remember why November 7th sounds so familiar.

This is my downfall in life. This is what has lead to me sitting here at 1:28 on Election Day not voting. Because I missed the deadline. And the second it hit 12:00AM on the clock I slapped my forehead, screamed, cried and flipped out because I missed the deadline. I haven't told anyone but my roommates and they only knew because I stopped watching the debates because they made me too upset.

The other day in my Business class which is taught by a French professor a boy and a girl that sit next to me were discussing how they were voting for McCain and the boy turned to me and asked who I was voting for. I replied with, 'I don't want to talk about it.' Not just because I didn't want to get into some political debate with some teenaged kid (I'm 20, I can make 18 year olds sound ignorant now if I want to) but because I didn't want to explain that I wasn't voting and that it made me feel like a horrible half assed American. So I just said, 'No comment.' And this boy turns around and covers his mouth with his paper before muttering clearly 'You're one of the ones that wants a mumblemumble running our country.' I turned to him with the most livid look on my face and said, 'What did you just say?' And he did it again. I said, 'Do you mean to say that I'm one of the ones that wants a *explicit* running our government?' The entire class had turned around by now. I'm sure my screaming had something to do with it but my screaming a racial slur definitely had something to do with it. Before you continue reading realize that this is not a word I use lightly unless perhaps I'm quoting a Katt Williams skit. But other than that it is never, ever in my vocabulary. Ever. I grew up in Asia, I've been the minority. I've heard the slurs and the comments and gotten the looks. I would never classify someone to a racial slur. But if you're going to use the word, if you're going to degrade an entire race like that I fully believe that you should at least have the balls to say it loud and proud, regardless of the circumstances and the fact that you'll probably be murdered by night fall. I'm a firm believer in standing up for what you believe in and if you're enough of a bigot to even think that people who are voting Obama into office are n**** lovers then at least have the guts to say it to their faces and not mumble it behind a piece of paper. Which is another thing I spat in this kids face.

Well, my French professor is just laughing. And laughing. And laughing. As I rip this kid a new one about not caring who he was voting for because if he wanted to vote for McCain he could because he liked his policies and where he was coming from but if he wanted to vote for McCain because the only other option was a (insert word) then it was ignorant people like him that make me believe people should be pyschologically evaluated before voting (I don't actually believe that but it sounded pretty intelligent in my screaming fit)

It went on for a good 10 minutes before class ended and my professor literally clapped me out of the room. He told me that all the countries in the world were waiting for the American population to stand up and finally address something like that. He told me something about FDR having Polio and the world not knowing because it was never seen. If Obama's skin color had never been seen we'd all be voting from the heart, not from our eyes.

As I was walking out of the room I heard said boy say to his friend, 'Pregaming before voting?' It was clearly a joke but I turned around and spat at him, 'Good idea. Maybe that blurred vision will help you to make the right decision you racist asshole.'

I'm still livid I'm not voting because I want to be able to make that jerk offs vote null and void. My one vote would cancel out his ignorant decision. I said I wouldn't talk about who I would have voted for but I guess this blog has obviously given it away. I don't hope to be judged because of my choice (no worries, I'm not voting anyway) but instead I'm posting this blog in the hopes that we all open our eyes in this historical and life changing event.

It breaks my heart that I'm not going to vote the first time I can and in an election that will go down in history regardless of who wins. It also breaks my heart that they're giving away free vibrators for voting and I can't go get one, DAMNIT. 

P.S - That's so American. Getting us fat as hell off free donuts, ice cream, coffee and then insinuating that it's okay because we'll just get a free vibrator and not ever need a man in our life. Who here is going to eat that donut while using that vibrator? You can admit it. Obesity and Masturbation '08 baby.

Best of luck to both candidates. Waking up Wednesday morning is going to be like Christmas Day + anxiety. Now go watch this youtube video of Craig Ferguson (I know you just fainted, Jade) kicking ass about the presidental election and the media. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdRVQ4xwwmQ

Tonight Gabby, Cassie and I are going to Perez Hilton's Halloween Party here in the city! So sososo exciting. We have some pretty awesome costumes planned and here's mine:

I plan to be a perezhilton.com drawing at the Perez Hilton party. I'm wearing it around my neck. Whatchu think?

Today as I ran across my front lawn in Jersey with Chris I couldn't help but grin at the fact that it was SNOWING. Snow. Already. It makes my heart beat wild.

About a week ago I started being able to see my breath for the first time this year. It makes me so excited. Sometimes I honestly believe I only took up smoking so I could feel like it was fall/winter year round. It's so amazing to finally see something that's been hiding for half of the year. I always forget the magic that hangs in the air this time of year. It brings a smile to my face each time it comes.

I just want to snuggle up with a good book, my dog and a smile on my face. I miss Jersey but I love New York City. I finally got my priorities in check. I'm going to class instead of shows. I'm doing homework instead of sitting out on the patio. I'm going to quit smoking after this pack. Honest to God.

I never thought I was addicted but it turns out I am. Hopefully my addiction for fall outweighs that of mine for cigarettes. I'm hoping the buzz I'm living off right now can keep my mind off the nicotine.

I just want mornings outside the Moulin Rouge with a cigarette and a cup of coffee, regardless of the fact that it's in the red light district of Paris. I want sleepless nights outside the Trevi Fountain in Rome and days spent with my nose pressed against the window of the Prada store across the street from the Spanish Steps. I want to stumble home from Gabanabar and Cancan at 6 in the morning after final call in Madrid. I want to get lost on my way to Wagamama in Covent Garden and find myself sitting amongst the pigeons with a cornish pasty in hand. I want spagetti bologenese outside the Dinosaur Park in Muttenz, Switzerland. My obsession with Europe has gotten the best of me. I'd almost rather book a flight there (490$ to Dublin right now) then go see my sister in Bangkok in December. Sad. I should love Asia and yet this time of year only makes me want Europe back. I'm not a Swiss citizen for nothing.

I think I've decided to breathe; I think I've finally decided to study abroad for a full year next year. Let's see how it goes.

Lately it feels like the only thing I can be is down.

Everyday I wake up with the same thought in my head. 'This will be my first 24th of October without her...' or 'This will be the first day of fall without her.' 'This will be the first time I drive on the New Jersey Turnpike with no intentions of going to Freehold to see her.' It eats away at me. My internal calendar has become one of firsts instead of one with dates. The feeling comes just as quickly as it goes but it's always eating away at the back of my mind in some way, shape or form.

It's such a dilemma. When I'm down I get depressed about being upset to begin with. I just dig myself into a hole and it takes something pretty huge to jump start me and make me forget I was ever down to begin with.

So much has changed since March. And everyday is another day further from the way I was for our last memory. Sometimes I think about the fact that when she passed away we were her best friends but when we pass away, who will be ours? Time should've frozen. It feels like time should have just stopped right then and there, stuck us all in place so we could stay the way she remembered us. So we could pull ourselves back together, pick up the pieces, move on together and finish out our lives together. The way she remembered it. Everyday that brings on change or something new is another day that gets me down. I'm slipping so far from where I was.

A few days ago I decided to look at our wall-to-wall on Facebook because I was really missing her. I went back to the first thing I ever said on her wall and it was October 22nd, 2006... exactly 2 years before to the day. It said, 'I miss youse.' It sucked. 2 years to the day and the quote still pertained. I miss her. I always will. I don't think there will be one day that I let slip by without thinking about her.

7 months tomorrow and I feel like a new person. I don't want to be a new person. I want to be the person Steph knew.

On a slightly happier (or at least musical) note my newest jam of the hour is 'Portions For Foxes' by Rilo Kiley. It was played at the after-party at the NY Lately premier and I'd forgotten how much I adored Rilo Kiley and especially this song. Ch-ch-check it out. If you don't like Portions For Foxes I garuntee you'll at least be able to find a Rilo Kiley song that you like. They all depict every piece of my life at one time or another in the best way possible.

Last night Jade told me to wake Cassie up for her because Cassie had just fallen asleep and I was still up and on the phone. I knew Cassie had had a long night out at Angels and Kings and everything going on with CMJ but I agreed anyway and walked into her room and whispered, 'Hey... Cassie... wake up.' And Cassie SHOOTS up and starts going banana sandwich. And all I say is, 'what the hell is your deal?' And she goes, 'Whyyyy? You told me to wake up... you said wake up cuckoo head...'

No one will find this as funny as Cassie and I do except maybe Chris who was on the phone with me.

My friend Vicki just sent me a Facebook invite to the Brooklyn screening of a movie called 'The Human Experience' I had never heard of it before so I decided to go check it out over at http://grassrootsfilms.com/ I bawled for the duration of the entire trailer. It sent chills down my spine.

The preview is on Wednesday in Brooklyn. I have class that night as well as Cash Cash opening for Metro Station (which is a huge, HUGE deal) Recently I feel like my life has taken a turn towards film. Hmm... maybe I'll have to look into that for my next internship. I'm so enthralled with it. I almost want to skip class AND Cash Cash for this film. It looks outstanding.

Check it out. x

A few entries back I talked about how there's constantly a different person playing at the 4,5,6 to the L transfer and today was no different. Today they was an electric violin player that blew my mind. I stood for more than just a minute and watched him dance his ass off. Slowly but surely I started to notice the fact that I wasn't the only one that had stopped. There were men with briefcases clearly on their way home from work; there was a woman with carriage and one on crutches. There were girls in trendy boots and button downs and men in baggy pants and t-shirts. So many different people had taken the time to stop and watch.

New York never stops.

How did this one man with a violin get her to slow down? Even if only for a minute. It was kind of amazing to see. All these people looked like regulars. I even noticed a few faces that I'd passed by before and yet today of all days they had taken the extra five minutes to stop and watch. I wish I could command a whole city like that. Music stops everyone up for a moment; even if it's a short one there's always room for music. These people who had once been in a rush just like me were now chilled, standing around, swaying, watching. I want to stop her like that.

Last night was no different. Hanson was amazing as always. Cassie decided to come at last minute and I was so glad she did because not only did she get to see me in my musical element but she got to see what I've always seen when I watch Hanson. She got to see how many music industry kids our age were there. How many music industry people in general. Hanson is yet another band that leaves a wake wherever they go. The sheer following and respect that is tied up with their name makes me proud to be a fan. It was amazing to watch everyone I knew in the city show up, sing, dance and stay for the entire set list. I wish everyone could command her like that.

It all reminds me of probably my favorite set of lyrics Nate Campany has ever uttered. They're from the song Stockholm, Paris, New York. To me they embody the city 100%

New York's eyes keep shining all night long
She gives me drinks and let's me sing her songs
& when I hear her voice it makes me feel so small
everything you want, she's got it all...

I sigh everytime I hear Nate play that. It rings so loudly in my ears. I love it.

This weekend has panned out ot be pretty great! After the NY Lately premier I headed back to Jersey with Cassie to go see my step-brothers first movie! He wrote, directed and produced a film called 'For All'. It's really conceptual but I think it'll do fabulously in the film festival circut. It's essentially 9 different people in the same room but no one is there at the same time. It's a dark basement-like room with just a lightbulb and a table and every person has one thing on the table. One man is making a huge sandwich, one girl has a bottle of pills and a lipgloss, another is staring down a glass of water. They're all talking to someone in the room but no one else is in the room. It was cool to watch everyone walk away with an idea of what it was about. I thought it was about people's addictions but my step-father swears it's the 9 parts of his son (Darren) that wrote the movie. There were subtle things that some people in the theater noticed and others didn't... like the chalk marks on people's hands and arms. Or the fact that one of the characters ended each of their pieces with a letter spelling out 'You." then 'F' then "Oh". It was interesting to watch everyone pick up on such amazingly subtle things. My oldest step-brother also scored the entire film and my youngest starred in it. It was a big family event! Darren rented out a MASSIVE old-school movie theater with private balaconys and an 'applause' box. I loved it and seeing everyone at the theater!

Tonight is Hanson @ Nokia Theater here in NYC. My lovely friend Gabby from Avenue B got tickets for us FO' FREE from her buddy Matt Bair. This is all too exciting for words. If you told me 12 years ago that I'd be going to Hanson shows for free I probably would've slapped you in the face and told you to shut up and stop getting my hopes up.

Most of you know how great of a night this is going to be for me... my first show of this leg of the tour!!!! Wooo. I'm listening to some Hanson now and trying not to cry now that I've put on my make-up.

Going out to dinner with Gabby and then heading over to the venue to meet up with all my fellow Fansons! I've been missing them all so much! :)

Today my mom went out and bought me some underwear. I don't usually send her on such errands by herself but today I was feeling rather trustworthy. She came back with three packs of underwear all of which proclaimed, 'FREE BONUS PANTY INSIDE!' I decided I'm only going to buy packages of panties that offer me free treats inside from here on out.

I'm hoping for a condom next time or maybe a plane ticket to anywhere in the world. Keep your fingers crossed.

The title of this blog is a quote said by Cassie last night after the screening of New York Lately. She was talking about the fact that I was naming all the ways in which I would go about growing and maintaining my facial hair. I told her that just because I can't grow facial hair doesn't mean I can't grow armpit hair and do the same. And that only took place after two drinks. Imagine six to seven later...

The movie rocked so hard. It made me smile like a little girl again. I'm obsessed with this city and movies about it. Watching a movie about New York City IN New York City is the ultimate form of satisfaction. "This is what New York City is all about."

It was so great to see everyone. Nate and Ben did a fantastic job on scoring the movie. You never actually think about music in movies until you know all the songs, know who wrote them, are paying attention to them. I loved it. It was like a heightened verison of hearing. I was suddenly noticing things I hadn't before. Jenn Dees was lovely in the movie and I felt somewhat like a proud mother for everyones accomplishments.

The night went somewhat as follows: movie, bar, drink.drink.drink.drink, Rockwood, Ray's Pizza, eat.eat.eat.eat. sleep.sleep.sleep.

So many familiar faces were there: Nate, Kyle, Ethan, Ben, Chris, Devin, Cassie, Luke, Jenn, Whitney, the list goes on and on. It's always fantastic to see everyone together. I couldn't have enjoyed myself more. I love talking with these people who are constantly causing me to think, reevaluate. I've never met a group of people so intelligent. So in. So exciting. So talented. Standing on a street corner hailing cabs to the next location with everyone bundled up was the simplest task ever and yet one of the most fun times I've ever experienced.

Of course I said and did some embarassing things. When don't I? It's my nature.

The night ended with me passing out at 5am. Riding the subway home this morning was not fun. Hannnnngover.

This is what I am most excited about tomorrow. And have been most excited about all week. Which, come to think of it, is kind of terrible because Saturday is my step-brothers movie premiere as well and I just can't get over being more excited for this:

Chris was lovely enough to have gotten us all tickets to go to the premiere tomorrow to see the stunning Jenn Dees and listen to the soundtrack which was scored by your fellow One Lovers - Nate Campany and Ben Romans. Much kudos to them - already it sounds like it's going to be a great cinematic adventure with tons of good tunes!

Hope to see you there

x

Today I had my first mid-term at my new school. I never wear skirts but I was feeling the need to up my confidence for the mid-term so I donned my new favorite high waisted skirt and a v-neck t-shirt and a long cardigan with a pair of vintage boots passed down from my Aunt. I got to class in perfect condition, nailed my midterm, packed up my bag and headed for the escalator. I was about half way to the escalator when all the other classes around me began letting out... and about 10 feet from the escalator when I...

Tripped. Stumbled. Caught myself.

Then collided my left heel with the back of my right heel and did a run/stumble (You know what I'm talking about... where you pretend like you didn't just trip and instead decided to just start a light jog...) Well... the light jog quickly turned into me falling face first and supermanning across the entire hallway and skidding a halt outside the open doorway of a classroom. With the hem of my skirt having flown up. Around my waist. I laid on the ground for a second, mortified and then got up... looked around... and decided to call out 'Sorry to anyone who just saw me flash my ass...' Something that would usually be normal and embarassing for me to yell out because humor tends to get me through suicidal thoughts. But usually my vulgar humor doesn't come out just as one of the Francisican brothers who teach at my schools came running around the corner...

He asked me if I was ok and I turned even more red for saying ass in front of a monk... I made sure to arrange myself really quickly and just as I turned on one heel and told him I'd only twisted my ankle he proceeded to tell me that my skirt was still up. In my moment of being really, really embarassed I had only pulled the cardigan back down into place.

That's my story. Get used to them. I'm always mortifying myself. My knees are skinned and I forgot how much rug burn (or hall burn) hurts.

& I'll never wear a skirt again.

Oh & for all you wondering... no, I didn't have on cute underwear.

This day has been a serious series of ups and downs... serious. UPS. downs.

Sometimes I wonder if for every day you need and every person you need there's one day somewhere in the world and one person somewhere in the world that you not only don't want you just physically don't need. I'd say I was sorry you threw yourself head first into the latter category but I just don't care anymore. I've managed to pick myself up, brush myself off and stop longing for 2 years ago.

Fan uprisings are the new trend. I don't get it. I don't think I ever will. Is it because music just isn't what it was back then? Or is it because girls see the product, not the music? Once upon a time someone once said one of the most profound things I've ever heard from a musician. They spoke words so true that it nailed it straight home. "Girls in our demographic don't care about the music. They just care about what my favorite color is and if I'm single." On one hand it's completely disturbing and almost a little sad... but on the other hand it explains where all these uprisings are coming from.

What happened to the music? Does anyone remember the music?

I get both sides but I definitely get one a lot more than the other. I miss standing in a room full of people and loving someone who could be your father. Someone who is a father. Someone who was married. Someone who just spoke straight to your heart. It's all about the lust these days. Where's the love?

I've loved a band for 12 years. 4 of which were not spent doing anything but getting married and having babies. And I've never expected anything more. No one's left you. There's such a misplacement of supply & demand. Demand the music. Supply the support system.

I'm tired of great musicians being worn down to their image. I'm tired of it all being taken for granted. But then again, what's this Ringo Starr bull? I mean c'mon, dude. You're really going to stoop that low? I guess you're Ringo Starr, but aren't we all in our own minds?

Expect me to be getting arrested in Vegas somewhere in the near future.

So I'm dead tired but I had to blog about my night. Today was supposed to be a lazy day of doing nothing but at about 4:00PM when I was still laying around in my towel Cassie came over to my door and said, 'You want to go see Matt Nathanson in Hartford, Connecticut?' Now, I've never listened to MN (or lMNop as I like to call him) but I figured what the heck, why not? Cassie had once referred me to another singer/song-writer in the same genre as lMNop and I'd thoroughly enjoyed the show so I decided to go with it. Cassie promised me there would be good laughs since apparently Matt and I were made for each other. I had high expectations...

Upon getting to the venue I was ready for some good laughter and maybe a good song or two. I didn't expect to fall in love. Too bad I did.

Standing in that venue, watching this HILARIOUS dude 14 years my senior crack HILARIOUS jokes that had me HYSTERICAL wasn't just all that lMNop was about. I mean, he was hilarious, he was so hilarious that I'm resorting to writing him a letter about how, although he could have fathered me,  I think we were put on earth to compliment each other. I think I am the ying to his yang.

But I just didn't expect to fall in love like I did. To watch someone and hear their songs for the first time ever in a live setting, especially someone like Matt, is a gift. Some artists are horrible to see live if you know nothing about them but Matt just owned it. He wrapped me up in his antics and his words. Cassie laughed at me when I got in the car and already had my away message picked out for the night from a set of lyrics he'd unleashed on me during his 2 hour set.

I looked around during songs that were all about mushy love and all I could see was this completely stricken look on 90% of the girls faces' around me. They were all watching this guy, up on stage, tear it up and sing about love. And each one of us was dreaming of that one boy that they wished had written the song for them, that Romeo to our Juliet.

A few nights ago I was talking to Jade about what my blogs meant to me. And she referred to the first time she fell in love with the word of Pete Wentz on his blog. And I said to her, 'I want to be the Pete Wentz to some hipster boy's heart.' And the more I've thought about that simple line the more I do. It's lyrics like 'She clicks her heels but she's still stuck' (Hanson) and 'Me and gravity, we never could agree' (Matt Nathanson) that makes me want to have a boy find this blog, read these words and fall as hard for me as I have for the artists that write my love story. Words mean so much. Lyrics mean so much. A great lyric is like the perfect combination of words that hit not just one person but EVERYONE in a different way. It's a great lyric that makes you step back and gasp and wonder just how in the hell they even thought of that brilliance. It captures every emotion perfectly. It captures every moment in your life as though it were a picture.

I just want to be heard. I want my word to mean more than my opinion. I want it to mean what it meant to those people standing in that audience looking up. I want it to mean what it means to Cassie coming from Howie Day or Matt Nathanson. I want it to mean what it means to Jade coming from Fall Out Boy. I watch my friends love these artists so completely that it's hard not to wish you were a little more like the people on stage.

Don't get me wrong, I love being in the audience. I love being behind the scenes. But I'm sure you've all had that moment where you just wish you could be in the spotlight affecting them like they've affected you.

A few entry's back I promised a blog that would be solely about Hanson, my love for them, my history with them... I doubt all of you are going to read it it but I've recently realized that these three boys are in my life to stay so this is my One Love tribute to my one true (and first) musical love...

August 24th, 1997. I wish I could explain the way I felt sitting in Row W (yes W) of Arthur Ashe Stadium with my sister and her two best friends watching Hanson assemble their stuff on the stage in front of us. Everytime I think back to that day chills run down my spine at how clearly I can remember it. Like an out of body experience. Almost as clearly as I remember a few months earlier sitting with my feet up on the dashboard of my mom's everest green Windstar as she turned the corner of our street, taking my sister and I to see her best friend, Susie, home from Scotland and this song coming on Z100. This great, catchy song and my mom saying 'Who is this?' And me saying, 'Hanson.' I was 10. I was 10 years old and I was in love. It was my first ever celebrity crush (Zac 143143143)

A few months ago I found my fifth grade yearbook and cried. Written in the 'My hopes and goals for the future' were two things: "To one day meet Hanson and to work in the music industry." I'm crying right now remembering how I felt reading that text. Because on July 24th, 2007 - exactly 1 month before 10 years from the first I ever saw Hanson I met them for my very, very first time. (And I'm bawling right now.) I'd seen them over 30 times between my first time seeing them and my first time meeting them. I'd sworn to myself it would happen naturally; not outside a venue after waiting 3 hours (although I still did wait around in the back just to see them on most occasions.) I swore it wouldn't matter how or when or if they were all married (they were) or if they all had kids (all but Zac did) because my love exceeded that of a sex symbol. And it did happen. It happens 10 years later and it happened 2 times in one day. It happened after missing meeting them at least 3 times by fractions of a second (at the DVD premiere, at the SETB premiere, in random venues, etc.) But I waited because my love for Hanson runs so deeply it sometimes hurts to listen to their songs because I feel every ounce of emotion ever put into writing, recording, performing that song. That's why I can so easily get so emotional about Hanson (and trust me, I do.) There's something about Hanson and their Fansons (if you will) that sparks a love in me that could never end. It's why I have my tattoo drawn up and ready to go, the notes of MMMBop the words 'This music is a place to hide' it's all so much more than lyrics and a few notes to me. It's a lifestyle. It's a love. It's a lifetime of adoration.

There's songs like "Down" that have helped me realize a lifetime of things. It was Fall of 2004 and I was in my freshman year of high school. My sister was a senior and over the past year or so of our lives we'd sort of fallen apart. Our whole family had. I decided to go to a religious retreat called Antioch with her and didn't really expect much to come of it but maybe a few new friends. My sister didn't tell me that she had a speech planned for her explaination as to her 'turning point in life' when she found religion, God and love. Her story was about our family. Her story talked about a number of things including how her little sister (me) had found solace in locking herself in her room and disappearing. During Antioch speech-givers are requested to pick 2 or 3 songs to play randomly throughout their speech. The entire church is asked to join hands and just listen. Down by Hanson was one of my sister's song for our family, my disappearance from her life and our love for music (the other was This Is Your Life by Switchfoot). It was the first time in a long time that I realized there was no reason to cut my sister out... that even though we were different, we came together (and always have) for Hanson. For their music. Just standing in a crowd, together. That's where we're family.

Hanson brings people together no matter what. Whether you're old friends, family, fans, strangers, Danny Jones... it will bring you together. I remember standing in front of Danny Jones in some little shoddy movie theater in Times Sq. after veiwing Just My Luck for the first time (WITH McFLY) and being so nervous... ready to cry, vomit, faint... and then him standing there, singing Penny and Me. And me joining. And me loving it. And me realizing one of my favorite artists was standing in front of me singing my very first favorite artists song. I remember Penny and Me with such a great feeling in my heart. It's holds all my happy memories in it's melody. It brings me back to a few falls ago when it had just come out and I didn't have my license just yet but my sister took my brand new Mustang out and we turned the heat up, rolled the windows down, bought 4 copies of the single and pushed the pedal to the ground. I remember that drive like it was yesterday. I remember the smell of fall, the tinny sound of Taylor's voice in the speakers, sticking my hand out the window, being in love with life...

But not all Hanson songs hold fantastic memories and not all Hanson songs hold horribly sad memories. Some songs (like With You In Your Dreams) hold both, wrapped up in each other. Bitter sweet. Tears come but the smile shines through. It hadn't even been two months since my best friends passing in March when I recieved notice that I had won a meet and greet for the Allentown, PA show in May. Gabby managed to get one as well and we were so ridiculously excited that... well... there's not much to say other than we were so ridiculously excited. It was only mine and Gabby's 2nd time meeting them as a band (I'd met Taylor individually that September on the Walk in Colombus, Ohio.) so we were naturally devestated when the entire meet and greet got pushed back until after the show. We were allowed to go into the venue first, get front row and enjoy the show but we'd have to wait until afterwards to actually meet them. I was tired, I'd had classes all day and Bamboozle was the next day. It was so upsetting to hear it was the very first time a meet and greet ever had to be pushed back. So we watched the show and enjoyed the show and suddenly, right in the middle of it, we heard the beginning notes to With You In Your Dreams. A song I haven't heard since AT LEAST 2000, if not later than that. It wasn't a song they'd played at ALL on the ENTIRE tour and it wasn't a song that they frequently played since the DVD taping in '03. Gabby and I cried the entire time. It just felt natural to say something to them afterwards so I did. I stood there with Taylor and told him about Steph, her passing, what WYIYD meant to me and how I was so glad the meet and greet was pushed back to after the show so I could tell him. And Taylor stood there, looked us square in the face and said 'I believe in divine intervention and I believe I'm supposed to tell you we haven't played that song at all on this tour. We haven't played it in a long time. And I think, just maybe, that tonight that song was from Steph to you guys.' (Cue tears) To stand there, less than two months after the passing of my best friend, and hear an artist that I love so wholly and deeply that it hurts tell me that she was there, with us, that night... I knew it was true. Steph would only deliver such a message through music, through Hanson, through such a passionate love.

There are so many other great stories about Hanson like my mom flying me to Ohio so I wouldn't miss a tour. Like the first time I heard Yearbook live. Like the ten or so shows I've decided to go to on a whim... by myself. The ticket sales probably amount to something in the thousands, if not more. There's stories about eating so many Eggos for a month just for that t-shirt that I wanted to vomit Eggos out my eyes. There's stories about the two drawers of my dresser that are dedicated to my Hanson posters, magazines, books, stickers... There's something to say about the '97 Hanson sticker that sits next to the Cash Cash sticker on the back of my laptop. There's something to say about how hard I cried when I met them, how nervous I was, how big I smiled... I could talk about the speeches (persausive and informative) that I gave in not one but TWO of my freshman speech classes on Hanson, TOMS Shoes, Zac, MMMBop, Great Divide, etc. The amount of money, time, love, life I've spent on this band is outrageous. And clearly this blog shows that. Just the sheer amount of WORDS I've spent on explaining why I love them like I do is too much. And, like I said, it's probably not going to happen that anyone reads this. But, I think, in a sense it's more for me than anyone else.

As of October 22nd (Zac's 23rd birthday) I will know 3 bands that have opened for Hanson. 3 bands that I've watched flourish and expand in the music industry. Cash Cash, Honor Society and Article A and I'll believe you if you tell me in a year from now all of them will be huge if not the biggest of their genres. Hanson has something about them. A style, a feeling, a passion that makes everyone touched by it golden.

After a stimulating 2 and a half or so hour conversation about music, how it should make you feel and the stickiness factor of it all... my brain was craving some good freaking music at 3:54. And as I clicked around in my playlist and on my computer I slowly began to realize I've been gravitating toward such a certain sort of genre lately. I think it's going to be the next big thing and because of that I'm divulging you all in what I think is going to become the new genre of pop: ELECTRO-POP. Who doesn't love a good jam with maybe some synth stuff going on? C'mon now. It's just the whole dance scene that makes me wanna... Dance. And after the Dance RAWR Dance Family Force 5 show last night I think it's about time The One Love has their own little dance party. So here are some of my favorite jams to dance to these days... I highly recommend you give them a listen if you're looking for some new dance party mixes:

Iglu & Hartly - They just blew up in the UK and I was immediately informed that I needed to jam to them ASAP. They're some dudes from Cali that go by Iglu and Hartly and if you don't dance your bum off to In This City I just don't know what to tell you. It's totally... catchy. I'm listening right now and going banana sandwich in my bed. And DayGlo! Ummm, hello 80's! We didn't get to spend much time together but Iglu & Hartly are helping me rekindle the 80's flame. PLUS THEY HAVE A DINOSAUR ON THEIR MYSPACE!!!! If that doesn't sell you on the band in and of itself I just don't know what to tell you.

MGMT  - They are 100% on my level right now. Especially with "Electric Feel" if you can successfully listen to that song without wiggling your behind at least a little then give me a call and we need to have a serious heart to heart because you may or may not need to immediately look into psycho-therapy. Plus, Andrew Van Wyngarden isn't too bad looking... and by "not too bad looking" I mean he's drop dead dreamy-sexual. Any man that can sing a falsetto like that makes my heart flutter faster than the speed of light.

Fujiya & Miyagi - ONE WORD: KNICKERBOCKER. I mean the word Knickerbocker is already awesome to begin with... but throw in some intense beats and I'm side-stepping like it's my job... whenever this comes on in the office I always want to stand up on my desk and dance. F&M is ALWAYS my number one pick on a juke box, tequila friday or just dancing around in my bedroom...

Black Moth Super Rainbow - Forever Heavy gets my pulse pumpin'. It sort of brings me back to some Fatboy Slim sort of stuff, but better? Could it be? Probably...

So go, kiddies. Go have yourself a dance party. I swear the next blog will be intellectual. I think I've just intellected myself out for the time being. Sometimes what you really need is a good, solid dance party - and that's what I'm hoping to give to you all. :)

Jade (9:56:40 PM): forreal i will make enough money to rent out manchester and pay danny to straighten his hair and sing dont know why

We're installing another charity on The One Love in the following few weeks... it's going to be the 'Jade wants Danny in Manchester with Straight Hair singing Don't Know Why' organization.

So last night was the AMAZING Family Force 5 show. Words can't even describe how great the whole night was! Cassie didn't jump off the balacony but it's okay because she and I went banana sandwich all night long anyway. I've never seen Cassie rap about being a hick like she did last night. The lights during the show were so sick. So, so, so sick.

We all filmed a great video blog for all you One Lovers! I think you should be extremely stoked because it was fairly hilarious.

I got to watch Article A in their element and they connect so well with any and every demographic, I love it. Cassie and I sat on the sidewalk in awe as they networked like the networking son-of-a-guns (note the lack of cursing, Christian!) they are.

Annnnnd GUESS WHO SHOWED UP!? THE REAL WORLD BROOKLYN! YAYAYAAAA! Haha, I think the show is just stalking me out now... as soon as I saw the camera crew I was like, 'CASSIE, CASSIE, CASSIE! REAL WORLD BROOKLYN IS HERE!' and then I spent the rest of the night being a jerk and trying to get into the background of any shot that I could. My appearances on the Real World are probably going to be some of the top 10 most memorable Real World moments ever.

This blog is essentially a really big teenie bopper blog. I didn't feel like taking the time to be intellectual in this one because I'm so ridiculously tired. I apologize for that but I'm going to go take a really huge nap and drool all over myself. Adios Amigos!

Tonight Cassie claims she's going to jump off the balacony during the Family Force 5 show. I'm ridiculously excited for this to occur. I am ALSO ridiculously excited to meet fellow blogger Chap Stique tonight because although I shake it like an earthquake to his music on a daily basis we have yet to meet. I'm ALSO extremely amped to hang out with fellow bloggers Article A and Chris Stahl. Alex from Honor Society is also gracing his presence.. this could be the sickest ever. It's retarded how much I love it.

I'm sorry I don't have my Obama mask for tonights show :( I didn't find it in a Target in time. More about that and the show later.

Dougie, Danny, Tom and Harry will spend year in America
By 3am 16/07/2008

Now the band have set up their own record company, Super Records, they believe the sky's the limit.

With seven UK No 1s already under their belts, Dougie, Danny, Tom and Harry are about to spread their wings, including a year in America.

Tom told us: "We didn't get to travel much with our previous record company but now we really want to get out there.

"We never did much in America and that's one thing we'd like to do. To do it properly we'd need to spend a year over there and visit all the towns - not just New York and LA."

After dumping their record company, McFly had to tighten the purse strings and skip the superstar luxuries. Danny said: "We flew economy back from Australia instead of first class - everything is going back into the next album."

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