go. go. go. STOP.

why does it always feel like the world is on the run when you're not ready to move? everyone is rushing past you, around you, through you. you wake up in the morning and you're overwhelmed. the possibilities are endless, the sky is the limit, the world is your oyster... say it however you want to say it but the truth of the matter is: today is today and it might be the only day you've got left and you... you are capable to do whatever you so please with it. and that's the simplicity of it all. the simplicity of a life in a city. how can you possibly make up your mind about turning left onto any given avenue if there is constantly a throng of people rushing past you, pushing you further from the one way road. and then, just like that, the opportunity has past and you've spent it just standing there, wondering if you should take the plunge, make the turn... and you don't. you don't even have time to breathe let alone decide what your next move will be.

and it's crashing down on me.

there's days i don't want to move because one single movement will inevitably lead to another decision. a decision i don't think i'm physically capable of making right now.

these are the thoughts that have been running through my head for the past month and they all suffocated me this week. it's been a tough week, a week of realizing my whole life has been somewhat of a game of hide-and-go-seek gone bad. the predator has found the prey and i'm succombing to it all.

then i came back. i came back to city life after a week long break from it all (and college). i came back and i was in a rush and i was running and i was passing through all those around me and the R stopped running. and just like that i realized, New York doesn't stop when you want it to. in fact, nothing stops when you want it to. and maybe it's not supposed to. maybe you're supposed to press on. maybe that turn wasn't yours to take. maybe it's all meant to be.

and then i heard a song. written by nate campany and greg holden that went something along the lines of reading my mind. this song encompassed everything i currently feel about new york city and it shredded up my heart to realize other people feel it too. do you?

i'm in repair mode but i'll never be able to do it without this city.