the lights go down in brooklyn

In 20 months I'll be leaving Brooklyn for somewhere new. Where? I'm not particularly sure.

I'm not scared of anything as much as I am scared to leave New York. To me New York City represents youth and fun and adventure. I'm scared to leave my childhood behind but I'm going to be doing that regardless of what happens in 20 months because in one week I turn 21. I don't feel 21, I'm not sure I ever will, but the fact is I'm growing up and that I can't stop. The lights on the stage that is currently my life are diming and the curtains are closing and we're preparing for act 2. I can't say I'm sad about it but I can most definitely say I'm scared about it. And I need that fear. It motivates me. It makes me jump into action, do something spontaneous, harness the fear I feel and charge into it full force, straight ahead. I've picked up my feet and I'm getting ready to run.

A lot of people try to live by mottos like "seize the day" or "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." or any number of quotes that essentially say "what's the past? screw the future, here and now is all you have." I think I'm one of the only people that don't believe or live my life by any of those quotes. Of course I seize the day, of course I live in the moment, but that doesn't mean that I forget about the past or the future.

Lately I've been thinking about the future alot (clearly) and I just don't think it can be said that you should live your life in only the present. If it weren't for the past I wouldn't be at my present present... I'd be at an alternative present. So I have to thank my past for that. And, if it weren't for the present I would have no future or no grasp of what my future should be so I need to look to the future to assess what needs to be done in my present. No frame of time can be viewed without the influence of another time. The present effects the future, the past effects the present. Even the future effects the present. How can you tell someone to stop everything but what they are doing? You can't.

It's so strange how everyone important in your life seems to shift into gear when you do. It's a sure fire way of knowing if you'll see them down the path of life. If they're moving with you it's almost garunteed you will cross paths again. And, luckily for me, it seems like everyone around me is picking up and moving, whether figuratively or literally. Everyone has scattered. Some moved to New York City which makes me happy as a clam. Some have departed from the city and moved to Nashville which makes me miss them but love them for taking a chance at life. Some have moved to California with intentions of conquering yet another coast with all my love and support trailing them. Everyone is moving and I'm standing still, it's a little disheartening but its making me fully aware of how ready I am to hit the ground running when I get home. I need to change with the change.  I'm ready for it.

As soon as you become content with your life, that's when you really die. How can you be alive when you are content with exactly what you have? I'm not saying chase after money or hopeless dreams or any of that but I'm saying you should always strive for more. More time. More love. There is always more out there for you, why be so content with what you've already been granted? Be thankful, of course, but never be content. Strive for more. There is always and will always be more for you.

I've always looked to the future and the past more than I do the present. I think it's what has led me down such interesting and untraveled paths in my life. Everything I do I do it for a reason, a future goal. Nothing is pointless or meaningless to me; everything has a purpose. I sort through my friendships, my experiences, my feelings and take a bit of them with me everywhere I go. The past affects me. If I don't remember it I may repeat my failures. The future affects me. If I am not concerned with it I may lose it. It's the present that I'm least worried about. The present I am garunteed. I have it. It's already mine, it's the future that I can't be sure of, that I have to deal with. People shy away from the future because of the lack of promise it holds. They say things like "tomorrow is never a garuntee." Well, screw that. If you want tomorrow to be a garuntee then use today to do something important. Use the present to make sure that there is a reason for tomorrow to be given to you. If you make a reason for the future it will be handed to you. That's a quote that I believe in. Squander your time, your talent, your money and you will have no future to speak of because you have nothing to offer it. Offer the future everything you have. Forget the present. This much you already know you have. Aren't you ready for more?