Karakasa no hone wa
Bara bara
Kamya yaburete mo
Take ni sotaru
En ja mo
Mis're nasaru na
Nambo watashi ga
Yaburete mo
Us'te shon shon

Translation of Japanese:
The ribs of the umbrella
Have fallen apart;
The paper is also torn,
But with bamboo
Tied together.
Do not throw it away.
Though I
Also am torn,
Don't desert me.

I know I said I would post a little 'about me' whatever-majig... but things have been really weird lately. Kind of busy, kind of bummin'. I find myself taking a lot of really deep breaths and sighing like I mean it. So, when I get a moment to clear my head and decide to sit down and write it all out, I will. For now, it's mostly going to be random updates and things.

//edit: deleted stuff.

Just want things to stop being complicated. Some sort of clarification or understanding would be nice.

Okay, goodnight.

.xo.

I keep floating down the river but the ocean never comes
Since the operation I heard you're breathing just for one
Now everything is imaginary, especially what you love
You left another message said it's done,
It's done

When I hear beautiful music it's always from another time
Old friends I never visit, I remember what they're like
Standing on a doorstep full of nervous butterflies
Waiting to be asked to come inside
Just come inside

But I keep going out
I can't sleep next to a stranger when I'm coming down
It's 8 a.m. my heart is beating too loud
Too loud
Don't be so amazing or I'll miss you too much
I felt something that I had never touched

Everything gets smaller now the further that I go
Towards the mouth and the reunion of the Known and the Unknown
Consider yourself lucky if you think of it as home
You can move mountains with your misery if you don't
If you don't

It comes to me in fragments, even those still split in two
Under the eaves of that old Lime Tree I stood examining the fruit
Some were ripe and some were rotten, I felt nauseous with the truth
There will never be a time more opportune

So I just won't be late
The window closes, shock rolls over in a tidal wave
And all the color drains out of the frame
So pleased with a daydream that now living is no good
I took off my shoes and walked into the woods
I felt lost and found with every step I took

This is the story of your red right ankle
And how it came to meet your leg
And how the muscle, bone, and sinews tangled
And how the skin was softly shed

And how it whispered “Oh, adhere to me
For we are bound by symmetry
And whatever differences our lives have been
We together make a limb.”
This is the story of your red right ankle.

This is the story of your gypsy uncle
You never knew ‘cause he was dead
And how his face was carved and rift with wrinkles
In the picture in your head.

And remember how you found the key
To his hide-out in the Pyrenees
But you wanted to keep his secret safe
So you threw the key away.
This is the story of your gypsy uncle.

This is the story of the boys who loved you
Who love you now and loved you then
And some were sweet, some were cold and snuffed you
And some just laid around in bed.

Some had crumbled you straight to your knees
Did it cruel, did it tenderly
Some had crawled their way into your heart
To rend your ventricles apart
This is the story of the boys who loved you
This is the story of your red right ankle.

Never Enuff

you stopped believing in god
so he stopped believing in you
told you to get a real job
those days in the sand are through
and he swears that he isnt mad
as you quietly let him down
its just he tried to believe you wanted him around
but all that you say now is

"i dont love you like i used to
when people talk i dont defend you
i tried so hard i paid my dues
but it was never enuff
i was never enuff for you."

well you made a new friend
and it tears him apart
no he just cant pretend
that youre not breaking his heart
and when he sees you out at night
he tries his best to pick a fight
but you'll never be his, and its time he realized
that nothing is alright, and say

"i dont love you like i used to
when people talk i dont defend you
i tried so hard i paid my dues
but it was never enuff
i was never enuff for you.
and now i dont love you like i used to
when people talk i dont defend you
all that shit you put me through
it was never enuff
i was never enuff for you."

Hello all,

I've been thinking about starting a blog for quite a while now. Actually, I was going to start January 1st, but that obviously never happened. Timing didn't seem right. There's been too much going on since late 2008, that ringing in the New Year with a blog felt like a big deal. To tell the truth, I didn't do it mostly because I was afraid to be too open and honest with all that's been going on in my life. My life has been messy, and I wasn't sure I wanted to share that mess with the world wide web. Instead, I wrote in a journal every day since January 1st. Maybe I'll share a bit of those writings on this blog at some point. We shall see.

Anyway, I'll give you a little information about this blog. I don't remember how I came across this site / organization (I think it may have been Nate Campany) but I read the 'about' page and their mission statement because I was curious as to what their 'deal' is. I think it's a pretty cool thing to do, to write a blog that would help charities. Basically, 100% of all profits collected from traffic to a blogger's page, from banner ads, will be donated to their charity of choice. The charity I selected is the American Cancer Society. In short, I chose to help the ACS because I, personally, know so many people whose lives have been affected in some way, by cancer. I know people who have cancer, who are recovering, and who have relatives and best friends dealing with cancer. Its sad to think that there's maybe one or two degrees of separation between one person and another who has or had cancer. My grampy (RIP<3) died from cancer, and that was one of he hardest times in my life... Also, l recently had a talk with a friend who lost his mother to cancer. The way he told me how she suffered and how hard it was to lose her like that... it just really struck a chord. I mean, it's always tough to hear about things like that, and I don't know why this one time this friend told me about it had left me with that feeling any more than any other time I had heard someone else's story... but as I was clicking through the list of organizations I could help support with my blog, that talk with my friend about his mom helped me decide. And of course, thinking about my Grampy.

So just think, every time you come to my blog (and click on a link/banner) you are supporting the American Cancer Society. Do I even need to encourage you to come check out my blog constantly? Lurking is totally acceptable, PS.

Alright, so there's an intro of sorts. I've got to get going to meet a friend for coffee (actually a soy hot cocoa for me), but I'll be back later to finish up... because this "first entry" thing doesn't seem quite finished. Check back!

.xo.