self injury is an increasing problem

ok, it's been a long time since my last post. but i've been real busy. i just started my IB and just finished my first mock exams.

what took me aback though is that ever since i started college, i've met so many people. and more than a handful of these people hurt themselves one way or another. the cutting the burning the hitting. and the thoughts of suicide.

now if i were to be a complete cynic, i would say that half of these people are just needing the attention, hence the vocalization of their problems to the world. but there are so many that don't say anything that it makes my gut wrench.

imagine one of your closest friends being totally fine one day but then not answering your calls for awhile. the next time, you see a fresh scar on his/her arm. or a week later you see new scabs in a line across.

and it might be their own choice, or peer pressure or stress or family problems, but most of them don't talk about it. all my life, every time i see a problem like this, i've just thought to myself. 'people who cut are just stupid, why would you inflict pain on yourself.' and granted, i might still think that sometimes, but somewhere in the back of my head, i know that most of them actually want the pain.

now i don't know why exactly they do it, or want it. but i think, (and really it's just an opinion) that they feel a need to hurt themselves because they need an excuse to cry, hate life and feel sorry for themselves. some people i've noticed even though have a pretty shit life, don't think they can complain about it. they've numbed themselves to accepting the shit that is. and by cutting, it gives them a form of physical pain they can curse at. and while they're hurting, they can look at themselves and see, 'yeah, i'm in pain, oh poor me. i hate whats happening to me, it hurts.'

if you look at that line again, anyone in a crappy situation would be able to say that.

my boyfriend dumped me :'yeah, i'm in pain, oh poor me. i hate whats happening to me, it hurts.'

my parents got a divorce :'yeah, i'm in pain, oh poor me. i hate whats happening to me, it hurts.'

basically everything is on the emotional level. people who hurt don't want that. they need a physical pain to be able to say it. and i really feel for them, every time someone i know has a problem, i try so hard to get them out of it. i feel they just need an outlet. they need to know there's a place where life isn't so shit after all. and the only thing people outside of them can do is help them find that place.

hmm, just something to think about. and ugh, the title looks like an essay title. geez, the work is getting to me. not.

x