Hello all!

It has been a couple of months since I have last blogged.  Life has been stressful to say the least possible.  I am fed up with being lashed out on since each superior of mine has different things in mind for the school's newspaper and yet none of them are willing to compromise with each other so I cannot please anyone.  It is a rather awful situation.  I just want this semester to be over.  

Friends of mine keeping telling me to just please myself then if I cannot satisfy anyone else.  I feel like that is not even possible now since all I am thinking about is trying to find common ground to make my superiors happy.  I wish things were simpler.  I wish I was still a little girl sometimes.  I wish I could go back to being 5-years-old and worrying over if my Barbie had all her accessories.  Looking back on it now, those were pretty good times.

I am not saying I do not enjoy being in college, but it seems as though I am not allowed to be happy or stress-free.  Since I began in August 2008 multiple things have gone wrong, yet somehow I am still managing, yet I feel like I am breaking.  I do not know how much more I can handle.

I want simplicity back!

Well, I needed to vent and I feel slightly better now and I should probably get to bed since I have a busy day ahead of me.

Maybe this quote does hold some truth to it after all:

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." — Marilyn Monroe

Good night everyone!

-Melissa

So much for a great new year!  Nothing good has come of it so far except for knowing I'll be living off campus come the middle of May.  Other than that, I've been given bad news time and time again.

I just found out about an hour ago or so that my friend's father passed away.  The worst part is that my friend is in California living his dream while the rest of his family is at home in Jersey.  Life is so unpredictable.  So short.  It's filled with a lot of grief, a lot of pain, a lot of tears and a lot of heartache.

With all of this bad, I know there is some good too.  There is love, smiles, laughter, fond memories, but it seems as though the bad always outweighs the good.

My prayers are with him and his family.  I can only hope that they will get through this tough time.  

2010 please turn around and be something better than this.  I really cannot handle hearing about another friend's relative passing, or one of my own or just a friend.  Please, give me some hope that life isn't all bad.  I'm starting to feel that's all it is.  

I know I shouldn't since I'm 19 going on 20 in June and I have so much life left to live, but do I really?  It seems as though each person I know; a lot or a little is gone within the blink of an eye.  I could be next for all I know.  

I appreciate life.  I do, but it's been filled with so much pain, struggle, grief, heartache and hurt lately that I'm not enjoying it so much.

-Melissa

Well it is a new year.  So much happened in 2009 and so much changed then too!  We are now 43 minutes into the new year as I type this.  I hope that it will bring nothing but good vibes and great times.  I'm in need of a good year.  I would love to live it without any stress or tears, but that isn't likely, yet I'm hoping it'll be better than last year.

So goodbye 2009, it was nice and sometimes not so nice to have you around.  Hello 2010, please be good to me.

Let the new year begin!

Good bless everyone.  Be safe on this New Year's Day.

-Melissa

So I should be doing some homework right now, but instead I am currently listening to a random mix of songs in my iTunes library.  So far each song has brought back a memory I have shared with former friends, friends, relatives and complete strangers.

A song can mean so many different things to so many different people.  It is so unbelievable.  

I feel like this is why music speaks volumes.  A single song can have various meanings to it: a break up song, a song you heard when you first kissed your significant other and so much more.  

Music is wonderful.  I know I would be lost without.

-Melissa

Hello everyone!

I've been having such a rough few months, but I've realized a lot of little things have helped me get through it all thus far.

If it wasn't for some of the friends I have at school I'd certainly be a lot worse off than I currently am.  Among some others such as a few relatives and other things, but overall I just wanted to wish everyone well with Thanksgiving only days away.

Be safe, enjoy the day and remember to thank those you're with.  ;)

-Melissa

Hello all!

I pose a question...Why give people so many chances?  Why put yourself through so much stress and effort when those people never quite learn from the first time?  

I currently am stuck in this slump of giving out multiple chances which seem to keep ending in the same manner so now I'm done.  No more chances.  It only angers me and hurts me so why should I continue?  I hate that I kind of feel bad though.  I guess that is what I get for being considered a "good person."  It is more like a curse.

I just don't get it.  If these people know what the problem is from the first time you would think they would try to correct it, but instead they dig the whole deeper and deeper and you keep trying to let it go since you want to work things out, but then it hits you that it clearly isn't getting through to them and you're exhausted from trying, yet you still feel like the bad person.  Ugh, why?!

Well, that's about it.  I'm beyond annoyed.  I realize I didn't really go into details, but let's just say I don't think it is right to joke about the Holocaust nor is it okay to slap someone's ass repeatedly.  I feel as though people just love being disrespectful these days and it is so awful.

-Melissa

Well Happy Halloween everyone!  I hope you're enjoying it.  I know I'm not.  Basically it is sucking since I do not feel the need to dress in a slutty costume nor do I drink like majority of all college students.  So I am spending my Halloween in my dorm room.  So far today, I have finished a paper for a class, cleaned my room and am currently working on folding laundry.  I'm bound to watch some scary movies, but Halloween is no longer fun.  I almost wish I was still a little kid.  I used to love dressing up and going trick-or-treating.

Anyway, aside from this I've been busy with my 18 credits.  Classes seem to drag on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but my Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays are usually a breeze.  I really cannot wait to go home for Thanksgiving Break even though it is only a few days.  I miss sleeping in my full-sized bed with my cat.  I just miss home in general at this point.  Winter Break needs to get here quickly!

Well, I'm going to get back to folding my laundry.  There is not much of anything interesting going on in my life other than maybe becoming a RA next semester.  I guess I'll find out in early December.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!  BE SAFE!  

-Melissa

Wow, I cannot even believe how quickly my summer has gone by, but I am ending it on an awesome note.  I just found out that I have been given the honor of being the managing editor of my college's newspaper.  I was not expecting getting such a high position considering I will only be entering my sophomore year, but I guess all the dedication and hard work I put in as a freshman definitely made an impact on my advisor.  I cannot wait to edit articles and everything else that goes along with this position.  I know it sounds so lame, but journalism is one of my biggest passions and I cannot stop smiling because of this fantastic news!

I head back up to school on Sunday and I am looking forward to it for the most part.  A few things are lingering in my mind that I am kind of dreading, but I am hoping this year at college will be a lot better of an experience as opposed to my freshman year.

Well, I just felt the need to share my little, exciting news.  =)

-Melissa

I cannot even begin to state how many funerals I have attended in my short 19 years of existence.  It is so mind-boggling and extremely baffling.  

From each one I have learned to appreciate life more and more.  I am so thankful to be here living and learning, hitting bumps and pulling through them in the end.

I know we all cannot live forever, but I hate how death seems to come in sets of three.  Every single time I hear of someone dying whether I personally knew them or not, I always stumble upon another two within days of hearing about the first.  The way God works is a mystery to me.  I know he takes these selected people for a reason, but it is all very hard to grasp.

Sometimes it seems like the ones taken are too young or they go unexpectedly.

Well, this has been lingering in my mind for awhile now that I have learned one of my close friend's grandmother has passed other than learning about MJ passing away too as well as Farrah.  

Life is so unpredictable.  We should all life it to its fullest.  

-Melissa

So Monday I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed.  I'm in a lot of pain now and even with the pain killer I was prescribed I cannot fall asleep.  I know getting them out now was for the best, but it just hurts so much.  

Anyone else have their wisdom teeth pulled or are getting their wisdom teeth pulled in the future?

Oh and I'm sick of eating pudding and mashed potatoes.  ha

I cannot wait for the stitches to dissolve, the swelling to go down; I don't like looking like a chipmunk and for my throat to no longer feel sore.  Plus, I cannot wait to feast on real, solid food again!  YUM!

-Melissa

I cannot wait for Thursday, May 14th to get here.  I have had enough for my first year of college.  There has been way too much drama and way too much bullshit brought into my life by ignorant people.  College students need to learn what maturity is and better yet learn how to present themselves to others.  Some really do not realize how unprofessional they are or they do, yet just don't care which is pathetic, but that's their problem in the end.  It is rather amusing!  

I have had enough of terrible roommates, terrible ADs, terrible food, etc....I have never been so excited to go back home to Jackson, New Jersey.  It is unbelievable.  

Well, this is the simple, short version.  I needed to vent!  I'm usually a very calm, quiet, non-confrontational person, but I have been pushed far over my limits and no longer will deal with such bullshit especially at nearly 3 A.M. with a ton of finals coming up.

Good morning to some, good night to others.

I'm now going to attempt returning back to sleep, but I doubt that will occur now.

-Melissa

It has certainly been awhile since I have last blogged.  So much has been going on lately in my life.  I honestly thought it would never look up, but today I realized as long as I have my true friends as well as family that genuinely care about me I will be just fine in the end.  

Today is a beautiful day!  I wish the weather will remain like this for the rest of the Spring into Summer.  That would be lovely.  

Anyway, I just felt like sharing that all you need in life are true friends and family that will stick by your side in the worst situations as well as the best situations.

Hope everyone has a terrific weekend!

P.S. I am nearly done with my freshman year of college.  I cannot believe how quickly it has gone by now looking back on it.  =)

-Melissa

It all started with one text message, which led to one phone call to another, to nothing but uncontrollable sobs.  It all happened last year on March 25, 2008.  I truly thought by now I would be able to handle deaths of loved ones just because I have lost so many since I was little; however, I still crumble with each loss.  It feels brand new each time and it still hurts to think about even a year later.  I do not want Wednesday to come.  I know that is not possible and I will deal with, yet I just cannot stop wondering:

"What if I had continued talking to Steph via IM?"

"What if she told me she needed help?"

These as well as other "what ifs" come to mind now.  On Wednesday it will be a year since she has passed.  It still feels so fresh as if it is just happening this week.  I miss her so much.  She was like a sister to me; always there to talk to about anything.  Always around to sing at the top of our lungs and dance around in the rain and now she is gone; just like that.

Death is a crazy concept.  I still do not like that "the good die young."  It is not fair, but I know in the end she is in a better place and I will always have my memories with her that I can share with everyone else that loved her just as much as I did and still do.

"Heaven's not a place that you go when you die, it's that moment in life when you actually feel alive."

Rest easy love.  <3

-Melissa

Well, life has been more complicated than ever lately.  I just feel like giving up on everything.  There have been too many tears escaping from my eyes, too much confusion floating in my mind and way too much annoyance brought on by creeps to say the least.

I get that death happens.  From the time we're born we technically start "dying" and I completely accept that as it is, yet to be hit so many times in a time span of just a few weeks with no time to truly cope after the first one passing, let alone the second, which then turns into a third I feel as though there is no hope left for any optimistic thoughts.  Plus, it doesn't help that the one year mark since my friend Steph passed is coming up rather quickly.  I'm nowhere close to being ready to handle that day in just a little over two weeks.  I just wish there was more happiness within my life at the moment rather than an abundance of sadness.  & I really don't understand why deaths seem to come in sets of three; isn't one enough?  One loved one lost is painful enough, but to have to deal with three so close together is so much more painful.

Other than losing a few amazing people that have walked into my life from when I was little, I have been at a loss for understanding relationships.  I for one, have never been in a relationship.  I am 18 years old and have never been kissed either.  I just don't want to waste it on any random guy.  I want it to genuinely mean something.  Anyway, I cannot even fully state my state of confusion on this topic.  I just don't understand how I'm constantly told, "oh you're such a good girl," etc..., yet I attract nothing, but creeps.  I just want one decent guy I happen to like to like me back.  I'm really not asking for a lot, but clearly all I can manage to attract are guys that don't understand what being shutdown is.  All they want is something I'm not willing to give to them.  

Aside from my own issues with the opposite sex I have witnessed some other confusing interacting between guys and girls.  I guess guys have every right to be confused when a girl says that they aren't like the rest, yet won't really give them a real chance and vice versa.  

I thought I had at least some understanding, but frankly after everything that has been going on lately I understand nothing at all it seems in regards to these topics.

Well, it is a gloomy day and I don't have class again until 1 so now I'm either going to take a nap or go hang out with some friends.

-Melissa

Thankfully everything came together.

I have to thank Charlene, Raposo and Stealing Jane again for playing.

Check these bands out on myspace:

www.myspace.com/charlenebandli  

www.myspace.com/raposobandny  

www.myspace.com/stealingjane  

-Melissa

Wow, words cannot truly describe how genuinely proud I am of Michael, Alexander, Andrew and Jason.  They gave it their all last night at their sold out show at Irving Plaza.  I am also proud of Jonas since when they played there back in 2006 it did not sell out.  So much has changed so quickly and even though there have been moments where I have been extremely sad that my friends have gained so much stardom I truly am blessed to be on this ride with them.  It is so awesome knowing they have indeed made it.  <3

& it is even better knowing that they still appreciate me.  I needed to know that and I got my answer as soon as they saw me.  

I cannot wait for more epic-ness to come their way.  ;)

-Melissa

I do not think I can handle another death in my life.  Everyone I love is passing away one by one.  I hate it!  I no longer see the point in life with everyone going so quickly.  =(  It is so hard to get passed.  To be honest I will never be okay and I know that.  I still think about everyone that I have lost, friend or relative.  I never stop thinking about them and some of them have been dead since I was very young.  

I just cannot take anymore right now.  I am stressed out enough already and then last week I was hit with the death of my Great Aunt Scotty and now my Grandfather Lionello is gone too.  I just cannot handle this stress on top of my stress from everything else going on in my life.

I wish death did not exist, but I know that is not realistic.  I just do not like how it keeps happening.  

My optimistic ways are slowly fading and I want to keep them alive.  

I just am at a loss for words.  The tears keep falling and it is not even making me the slightest bit better.

I guess we each just have to take each day as it comes and live life to the fullest since we clearly never know when we will go too.  

-Melissa

I would love to know since when it is okay to talk down to others.  I would love to know since when is it okay for a person not to do their job.  I would love to know why I, being the good person I am, and others who are just as good always get fucked over when there are so many people doing what they are not supposed to, yet nothing happens to them.

I absolutely hate what has been going on around me.  It is bullshit and wrong; best of all my say means nothing.  It is just so awesome!  Ugh, I want change; change for the better.  Get rid of the bad and replace it with good.  If only that was possible.  My optimism is slowly slipping away and it is a shame.  I am surrounded mostly by negativity and it truly sucks.

To top it off I have another loved one that is bound to leave forever in a matter of days.  I know death is inevitable, but it truly breaks my heart.  I do not think I can take it much longer.  Everyone I love I seem to lose in some way; whether we grow apart, death, etc....  Everything is a mess and I cannot even take a step back to breathe.  

I just need things to calm down and be right; be just, but that is so far from the case right now.  I simply hate it.

-Melissa

Well, it is a new semester at Five Towns College.  i moved back in Wednesday and yesterday was my first day of classes.  It has been a mixture of the same situations from the first semester and a dash of some new ones.  There are many new faces on campus along with some old ones that I surely missed.  Anyway, I like my classes so far!  There is a lot of hard work to be done, but I am totally ready for it.

I am hoping that maybe this semester I will come out of my shell a little more.  My crush is still lingering and I really wish I had the nerve to say something, yet I do not.  Anyway, I am hoping for that little change and of course it is a fresh start in general; new classes, new people within those classes, new friendships to explore, new concerts to attend and so much more.

Overall, I am looking forward to this semester and hopefully I will not get sick nor stress out.  

Oh and I am most excited for the concert myself and a few of my classmates are putting together!  I am more than anxious to get to work on that again now that Winter Break has ended.  Details for the show are as follows: 

Charlene, Raposo & Stealing Jane!

Feb. 20th at FTC in the Downbeat/Student Center 305 North Service Road, Dix Hills, N.Y. 11746

Doors will open at 7:30.  

Tickets are $5 for all non-FTC students.

Come out; it is going to be great!

Check out the bands myspace's meanwhile;

Charlene's www.myspace.com/charlenebandli 

Raposo's www.myspace.com/raposobandny

Stealing Jane's www.myspace.com/stealingjane

Goodnight & good morning!

-Melissa

If there is only one thing I have learned most in my life is that life is always changing whether the change is wanted or not.  

There have been so many changes in my life.  I have learned who my real friends are.  I have learned and seen how much people can truly change their attitudes just because of a little thing called "fame."  I have learned that not everyone will like you, but it happens.  I also have learned I will never like everyone, yet I will attempt to get along with whomever it may be anyway since that is just who I am.  I try to be friends with everyone since I find no reason to be rude unless you happen to be rude to me.  Anyway, I have learned people who have passed away communicate to you in ways that truly touch your heart.  

I have been crying since 1 A.M. and it is now nearly 2 A.M..  I was not expecting to receive the "Hello" I got from the person I got it from; however, I am certainly thankful I did.  My tears may be falling at a quick rate, yet they are some of the best tears I have cried.  I cannot express how much the words this young man said to me not that long ago touched my heart.  They literally wrapped around it and tightened and now the tears are falling.  Our conversation is certainly filling my heart with such hope and cherished feelings.

I would like to thank my beautiful friend that has become such a wonderful angel to me, Steph.  I would like to thank her for having such a sweet boyfriend.  Sure he started the conversation on his own, but if it was not for her the words he said would not be present right now.  Just a glimpse of his words are, "I want to say I always appreciate your posts on Steph's wall. Sometimes I find it is too difficult to post."  

It is so simple to make others feel so good.  From the bottom of my heart I appreciate those two sentences.  Knowing I make that little difference makes me feel like my passion of writing is well worth it.  I am not always one to speak, but writing is my outlet and knowing it is appreciated means the world to me.

I am also glad that we were able to reminisce even though it is still hard to do, but we manage since we know Steph would want us smiling.  <3

To sum things up, life is always changing.  You never know what to expect like this little instance.  I did not know it was coming, but I am glad it did.  Basically, knowing that life is always changing I have learned to roll with it.  Take things as they come; never rush nor lag behind.  Just be with it in the moment it happens.  

After all, life is what we're living.

2008 has been an overly emotional year of many ups and many downs.  I would not change it though at all.  The events that have occurred have not only made me smile, but some have made me extremely sad.  It is all a learning and growing experience.  Things have certainly changed for the better and other things for the worst, but overall it has been a decent year filled with numerous memories.

Some highlights of the year would be:

Note none of these are in chronological order.

Honor Society's EP Release at The Knitting Factory.  It was such a great time and look at those guys now.    I am so proud of them although I miss seeing them I could not be any happier for them.  2009 shall be an incredible year for them.

Matt Koziol Band playing with The Click Five was pretty cool.  It certainly exposed them more, which was very helpful.  I only wish for more good things to come to them.

Rock The Cause was intense; MKB, HS & PP.  Let's just say things got interesting.  hah

My birthday was pretty special since I have great friends like Honor Society and Kat wishing me a wonderful 18th via a live video chat.  It was pretty sweet!  :)

Honor Society's August show at The Knitting Factory was pretty epic too.  They certainly know how to get my emotions racing!  I cried and laughed and smiled at that show.  It was such a bittersweet atmosphere.  <3

Jonas' show at MSG on August 10th.  It was a crazy experience.  I am so proud of those three Jersey boys.  They have certainly attained their dreams if not more.  I can only continue recalling them being so thrilled to open for Jesse McCartney and the Backstreet Boys in 2005 and doing the school tour they did.  It is by far amazing to see how far them have come.  It is a little sad that I cannot see them like I used to at their shows, yet it is amazing to have been a part of all of it.

Anyway, those are just a few key events that truly made 2008 a good year.

Aside from those awesome events, there were some pretty sad ones to deal with such as Stephanie's passing.  That one hit the hardest, but in the end I know she is in a better place watching out for everyone now.  

I also have learned what it is like to live with a terrible roommate, yet I survived and now luckily got a pretty cool one.  

Basically, since I have entered college in August I have learned a handful of things.  I can certainly appreciate what I have to the fullest since so much has changed my outlook on life now looking back on the year in overview.

I guess this is it; 2008 is coming to a close and I am hoping that 2009 will be a much better year with less heart ache and more incredible news.

I hope everyone has enjoyed the holidays; I know I have.  It is nice to be on Winter Break!  :)

Well, now it's time to party like it's midnight New Year's Eve.  ;)

My next blog will be in 2009!

-Melissa

Well, somehow I managed to get extremely sick within my last week of campus life until next semester.  I have bronchitis and pneumonia.  It is awful especially since I have been studying and taking finals with both illnesses afloat.  I really am rundown and cannot wait to go home after my last final on this upcoming Monday.  

Anyway, this week has been stressful; more stressful than usual since it has been finals non-stop and of course getting sick followed.  It is so strange.  I was fine until I woke up Sunday morning with a fever.  I lost my voice for some hours that day as well as Monday night into Tuesday morning.  I showed up late to my Speech final and despite feeling so miserable I managed to pass it.  Yay me!  ha  Wednesday I had a final at 3, which went over well even though I disrupted the class with my ongoing sneezing and coughing.  I then went home to see my doctor yesterday and found out that I have two horrific illnesses at once and was lucky enough to catch them early enough not to end up in the hospital.  Thank god I am not in a hospital right now.  I swear I would cry.  They scare me still to this day even though they are there to help people.  Aside from that, I returned to campus at around 3 yesterday afternoon.  I studied for my two finals that I had today that I'm hoping I passed.  I helped T.J. wrap some presents and I tried to calm down, yet I know I am still slightly stressed.

Today would have been so awesome if I could have truly enjoyed the snow fall.  It was beautiful to watch from a distance, but I wish I could have been outside with everyone else.  I hate being sick.  I hope I get better soon since I have a lot planned for my break.  I have friends to see, some shows to attend, probably a new job to get since my old one still has yet to call me back saying if they want me to work there again for my break and I am sure other things will pop up along the way.

Overall, I am surely blessed that nothing worse happened to me and I am relieved that this hectic first semester is coming to a close.  Although, I will miss many FTC friends while I am home, but I know some intend on visiting, which is so very exciting!  :)

Lastly, I have been thinking a lot lately about my friend Steph.  She would have been turning 22 yesterday.  It is so hard to think back to spending her birthday with her last year and this year I was still so tempted to call her at midnight even though I was sick and coughing up a storm.  I know she was celebrating in heaven for sure since that was just a part of her personality; always bringing cheer everywhere and to everyone.  I just feel like even though it has nearly been nine months since she has passed away I still am not over it.  She was taken so suddenly and it hit so hard.  I just miss her dearly.  <3

I have realized that the whole holiday season is never the same when loved ones pass away.  My Grandmother Sarah has been gone for around four years and I still feel that emptiness.  I guess that is just the void that no one can replace and the same goes for my Stephy.  It is so hard not having them here, but I still love this season regardless, yet it is always just a little harder to cope with.

Anyway, I just hope everyone is safe and cheery.  Happy holidays in advance since I am not sure when I will blog next.

-Melissa

My first semester of college is nearly over so it is best to say that in the last few months I have loved the college life, yet hated it a lot as well.  I have dealt with major roommate issues and have moved out and into a new room in a different building with an awesome new roommate, I have gotten enough bruises from people I go to college with; thanks Maxx, Matt G., Matt B., T.J. and Ryan. =P  I clearly need to work on my toughness.  ha  I have cried numerous times, laughed to the point of crying, gone to a club called Oragin and was touched way too many times by extremely drunk guys that were so not my "type."  Oh and the best part thus far has definitely been having my newspaper articles published for The Record be front page and getting the Yearbook Club Concert approved.  :)  I cannot wait for February 20, 2009!  It certainly has been a roller coaster ride of emotions.  

It will all end soon since the semester ends on the 23rd, yet I will be heading back to Jackson on the 22nd after I take my last final.  I am actually so very excited to go home for a whole month.  I never thought I would be so happy to return to my rather ridiculous New Jersey town, yet that is home and I cannot wait to be there with my cat, Holly, my mom and even my dad and all of my friends that I have not seen since we graduated basically.

Anyway, I have also been bitten by the love bug.  It is frustrating me though greatly since I am way too shy.  I get way too quiet, even tongue-tied and I blush like crazy!  I suppose I am lacking some confidence as Dominique and one of my many Michelle's and even Allee like to say.  I do not know what to do since I really do not intend on acting upon this crush I currently have considering I am the shiest person alive maybe.  ha  It is terrible!  Luckily, I have Krista to vent to and vice versa about our issues with guys.  ha  Oh and to top it off, I still am terrible at public speaking, yet I must have gotten the slightest bit better since I got a 10 out of 10 on my last project.  :)  

Also, I am going to miss a lot of people from school while on this break.  Hopefully I will see some of them regardless.  That would be swell.  

On a gloomier note, I still miss my friend Stephanie a lot.  Her birthday is right around the corner and it has struck me that I cannot bake her a massive cupcake like I promised her last year nor call her to wish her a happy birthday.  Nothing is the same without her.  There have been so many times where I wish I could have called her just to laugh from her accents or thank her for her advice.  That can no longer be though.  It truly is rough to deal with.  

I have lost many loved ones in my life so far, yet aside from my Grandmother Sarah passing her death has been one of the other hardest to deal with.  =/  

Anyway, I know they are all angels looking out for me and everyone else that loves and misses them dearly.  <3

I also cannot wait for the holidays.  I have been blasting Christmas and Hanukkah music for the last few hours.  It is great!  ha  

I think this sums up the last few months of my life for the most part.  There has been a lot of frustration, but regardless of all of the troubles I have dealt with I would not give it up.

-Melissa

Well, yesterday was the 6th of December and it finally snowed for the first time of the season.  I am so thrilled!  I love the snow and Winter in general.  Plus, the snow always can put me in a better mood.  I cannot stop smiling!  :)

Anyway, I have been having a rocky few months since I have roommate issues; however, thanks to some good friends I have made it through and have not left school for good.  Aside from their shoulders to lean on, the snow is definitely helping out in making me feel better; happier!  

It is such a beautiful sight.  If it wasn't so cold outside I would literally stay out there forever, but I rather not get sick.  It is so peaceful to watch the snowflakes fall so softly to the ground.  I simply love it!  I really hope for a white Christmas.  That would be fantastic!

Well, that's all.  I felt like sharing my joyous evening/morning.  :)

-Melissa

Well, Thanksgiving was a few days ago and today is the last day of November until next year so I figured it would be best to make my top 5 list of what I am thankful for.

1. My family.

2. My friends.

3. Music.

4. Good health.

5. Amazing memories.

Those are the main things I appreciate the most.  If it weren't for my family I would have probably never gotten so involved with music, which would have never led me to my wonderful friends and in turn my many fabulous memories with both, my family and friends.  Plus, good health is always appreciated since some people are always sick and luckily I have not been that badly sick lately.  For all of this I truly am thankful.

As Nicholas Jerry Jonas has sung, "Life is too short so take the time and appreciate."

-Melissa

Wow, I never would have expected some of my friends' bands to end up so popular in this present day.  After watching every YouTube video of the Honor Society, Demi Lovato & Jonas Brothers show in San Diego from this past Saturday, the 15th, I can truly state how proud I am of Jonas and Honor.  I cried for a good couple of hours before getting ready to go my first class at 9 this morning.  They were tears of joy though!

Who knew, meeting the Jonas' back in 2005 at Toms River Fest would turn into this craze over them?!  I can recall that day perfectly; it was July 30, 2005, my brother bought a ticket for my as a belated birthday present and one for himself, so we could spend some time together.  It was a part of Jesse McCartney's Beautiful Soul Tour and I was so excited!  I was one of the only people watching all of the opening acts and these three brothers were one of them.  They did a small acoustic set; I fell in love with Nicholas' voice, Joey's goofy behavior and Kev's adorably sweet charm.  After Jesse preformed my brother and I decided to stay awhile longer to go on some rides and play some concession stand games.  I'm glad we did otherwise I would have never gotten run over by Nick.  ha  He as well as Joe and Kevin were racing each other to one of the rides and I happened to be in Nick's way and he knocked me down.  I wasn't expecting him to help me up, yet he did and he wouldn't stop apologizing.  It was the cutest reaction possible as opposed to the "stay out of my way" line.  Anyway, Joe and Kevin were laughing at him and then Joe and Kev both said something about remembering me watching their set.  They all asked enthusiastically if I liked it and I truthfully did. They are such talented boys; they have only matured since then.  Then, Nick asked if I thought they would ever make it and I said something along the lines of one day for sure.  We exchanged screen names and I kept in touch with them.  They started to have more shows around my area, but I wasn't able to go to many of them.  I finally got to see them again for a good amount of time in August of 2006.  They were so thrilled to see me as I was to see them.  Their CD, It's About Time, was getting released and they were so beyond excited.  They were on the way of making it big and well the rest is history now.

These boys have gone through so much; being signed to Columbia, putting out an album, while signed to Columbia, getting dropped and then Disney picking them up and now they not only have two albums out from this label, but they have Camp Rock and so much more.  I am so very proud of them.  I miss talking to them as often as I once did and I miss seeing them too; however, after watching the videos from the show over the weekend I can say I am so very happy to have seen those beautiful, genuine smiles that they always had plastered on their faces in 2005 when I met them up until the end of 2006.  

Aside from them, I have also been blessed to know the wonderful gentlemen of Honor Society.  I have known Alex for as long as I have known the Jonas' since he once drummed for them and I believe Kat spoke to me about Andy, Jay and Mike in early 2007 and I met them soon after that.  Anyway, I have gotten to know them so well and I've been there to see them through; starting with shows at Olive's, their tiny crowd at The Stone Pony in Asbury, which reminded me so much of Jonas' crowd there too, all the way up until this past summer.  It truly is incredible to see how much has changed in not that long of a time.  These guys are great musicians and wonderful friends.  I'm so glad they got this opportunity to go to the west coast and play a few shows with my other friends.  It's definitely "epic" as Mike and the other gentlemen have been calling it.

Basically, this blog was just about me being so happy for them.  They all deserve it.  They have worked hard and it is definitely showing.  :)  Plus, I wanted to say I miss them all, but other than that I truly am honored to have been on this ride with each of them.  It has been such an emotional experience; however, I wouldn't trade it in for anything else.  <3

Now if you don't know who either of these bands are you must go check them out:

www.myspace.com/jonasbrothers

www.myspace.com/honorsociety

Congrats. guys; I'm so very proud of each of you and I wish I could have been out in San Diego to see the show live.  ;)

-Melissa

Emptiness; I hate that feeling when certain people are missing.  I feel as though I have lost way too many loved ones.  They have passed away so quickly it seems; just one after another.   I always feeling as though some tiny pieces of my heart have vanished since each of these people have passed; due to that those pieces can never be replaced.  That is just it; they cannot be replaced.  Those people held such important places in my life that no matter how many other people come into my life that I end up caring for and loving those pieces of my heart will still never be back.

Anyway, I just cannot help but realize lately how much I miss these people that have passed away.  Lately, so many things have been reminding me of my Grandmother Sarah and my friend Stephy that I spoke about in my last blog.  I also keep thinking about all of my Jackson friends that have died over the years and just recently another one died.  It is so crazy how fast these things happen!  I wish it would just stop!  I'm sick of losing all of these people.

I know in the end that God is taking them for some important reason, but the overall feeling of them no longer being around sucks.  I almost feel selfish that I can still do all the things each of them loved doing and they cannot.  I know they wouldn't want me to feel like this nor feel so sad still, but I cannot help it.  They were all such wonderful people; caring, funny, and so on.  I miss them dearly and I know I will see them again in eternity.  <3

Sorry for my rather sad blog; however, the topic fits well with the current mood I'm in from this nonstop rain.  Anyway, I'm feeling better now; writing definitely helps release a lot of built up emotions for me that I rather not really speak about.

I'm now going to write sentences for my English 101 class since I cannot sleep.  I'm so glad I took AP English in high school, so I don't have to take English 102.

-Melissa

Well, I am new to The One Love; however, I am truly excited to be a part of it.  I'd like to thank Cassie and Jade for allowing me to be a part of it!

To start off, my name is Melissa and I'm from New Jersey and have been so greatly blessed to have grown to adore music the way I have.  Since before I was born my mother had me grooving to music; mainly The Beach Boys.  Anyway, for as long as I could remember music has always been a part of my life.  When I was a little girl, dance lessons consumed my life and as I got older going to concerts became one of my favorite activities.  Through going to numerous concerts I managed to make some great friends.  One of those great friends was Stephanie Marie Gotz.  She was definitely something else!  For those of you that may not know who she is I'll tell you exactly who she was and still remains to me.  I remember meeting Steph back in the day at some Dream Street event and as those days came to an end it turned into numerous concerts of Greg Raposo's and so on.  She was one amazing girl.  She always knew how to make you laugh.  We were pretty good friends for those years; however, three boys that happen to be brothers; yes, the Jonas Brothers, happened to bring us even closer.  She was one of their three Street Team Leaders and while the boys were gaining fans I helped Steph, Kat and Joyce spread the word as best I could and look at them now.  It truly is unbelievable how quickly things can change in a matter of a few years.

Anyway, that brings me to this point in time; I figured I might as well blog as much as I can since I never know when things will end and I rather leave with people knowing what was going on in my mind.  Stephy's death came so suddenly and it really hit me that things can change in an instance.  I was just very grateful to have the time with her that I did and those memories will most definitely live on.  <3  May she rest in peace for in around eleven days it will mark eight months that she has passed.  It seems as though the time has passed by so quickly, yet regardless she is still living on within each of those that she touched with her warm smile, big heart and goofy personality.

Enough of the emotional side of me for now!  I would like everyone on here to check out some of my friends' bands as well as some friends that are solo artists.

www.myspace.com/mattkoziol

www.myspace.com/brockstorm

www.myspace.com/stealingjane

www.myspace.com/honorsociety

www.myspace.com/raposobandny

www.myspace.com/articlea

www.myspace.com/philbensen

www.myspace.com/amandaduncan

www.myspace.com/joannaburns

www.myspace.com/chrisayer

Give them a listen and maybe you'll become a fan if you aren't yet.  ;)

Well, until next time I shall leave with these few words, "music is what feelings sound like." 

-Melissa