I suck at movies

Even though my brother is most likely worse than I am about this stuff, I still suck at watching TV/movies. Neither one of us is the guy you want sitting next to you if you were planning on relaxing on the couch, and mindlessly staring at a movie for 2 hours.
Reason being, unless you're watching a film that's relatively consistent, eyes will be rolling and continuous commenting will be taking place.  Sorry.

Example: Just watched Battlestar Galactica .. or whatever... but I'm pretty sure that it's not the new one my friend James keeps telling me to watch, since it was online and from the late 70's.
Although it was pretty awful, I watched it for as long as I could. And then, the next day I watched another, then another.... until I almost started to like it.

I discovered that I actually enjoy watching those old "future" shows, and chuckling at all of the "futuristic" gear (supposedly FROM 7000 YEARS INTO THE FUTURE!) that isn't even up to speed with todays technology. Like the "future radar" that can't quite detect a comet storm from invading spaceships. Or telephones with those curly big red cords, and the HUGE black & while computers. Bigger was better back then... so things must be GIANT in the future. Then there's just some things that don't seem to have any practical purpose at all. Like....

What the hell is THAT?

And then I like noticing things that only "look" futuristic, but with no actual practicality to them. - Like, what purpose does a helmet with moving arcade-style lights, that buzz around the face serve? I don't know. Seems to me that those flashy lights would only get in the way of your vision, while making you a more visible target at the same time. Just sayin.

Are the helmet lights really necessary?

And why do the older statesmen ALWAYS wear robes in the future?
And if future beings are capable of building a self-sufficient space craft, one thats the size of an entire planet... one that hundreds of thousands of people can sustain life on..... then couldn't they also build a big enough weapon to destroy earth in a single shot? .... huh?

I mean... these questions NEED to be answered. By the 70's. The 70's need to answer my questions.

See? This is what I'm saying. I'll do this kind of thing through the ENTIRE movie. If the plot, and plot-related realities don't add up, I can't handle it.
Now, I'm not the kind of guy who watches Superman and says, "People can't fly. That's stupid". If it's part of the story line, then I'm cool with it. But movie producers always seem to create certain guidelines for the story, stick with them for a while, and then just ignore their self-created laws of physics and reality. It's usually at this point that my suspension of disbelief goes out the window, and the unruly mocking begins.


A friend of mine was nice enough to let me watch the movie Cloverfield with him. Needless to say, I probably won't be invited to do that again.
Horrible.

I didn't even know where to begin on this one, so I started looking around to see what other people thought about it, and immediately stumbled on this...

"The person controlling the "creative" aspects of Cloverfield should be beaten with the piece of rebar he impaled one of his characters with. People don't run around after being impaled on rebar for several hours. Helicopters don't fall fifty stories and then have three survivors emerge from within to run around waiting to die. For this and many other implausibilities that go beyond the realm of suspension of disbelief I take away one star. I award a second beating with a piece of rebar to the side of the director's face for trying to be artsy and I take away a second star because the stupid, idiotic and nauseating camera technique did NOT make the story any better, it made the film hard to watch instead."

- Trevor Snyder

(That was written by an Iraq war veteran, with years of military photojournalism experience, and not just farted out by the Comic Book Store Guy on the Simpsons.
Check out his site - trevorsnyder.com)

Anway, this guy nailed it so perfectly, I didn't bother typing up my opinions.
And since so many people told me how "AWESOME" Cloverfield was, it was simply impossible not to mention it.

Ok then. If you're planning on living far into the future, then you'd better purchase one of these.

They're available online... apparently

Then you too will be an important statesman. (according to future predictions)

... Uh oh. I think I DO like the old 70's Battlestar Galactica.
This must be what it feels like to come out of the closet.


One of these days I'll share my thoughts on "Little Miss Sunshine" or "I Heart Huckabees".
I'll just do it now. Awful.

Those opinions aren't changing.
Your opinion is wrong.

See ya.

-me