Absolutely, 100% terrified.
June 24, 2009
And by terrified, I mean a mixture of nervousness, anxiousness, excitement, eagerness, deathly fear, chagrin, reminiscense, childhood lost, the future barrelling toward me like a train. (I was about to say a subway train, but after what just happened on the DC metro I realized that would seem tactless, however unintentional on my part.)
Why am I feeling all of these things simultaneously?
Tomorrow and Friday I'm officially orientating (I know that's not a word) myself at Indiana University and registering for all my classes and taking placement exams and basically planning the next four years of my life. And I'm horrendously overwhelmed. I'm so excited, don't get me wrong, but at the same time I feel this inexplicable longing for the old days when I used to dream about growing up. Now all I want is to go back to dreaming.
The problem is, there is so much I want to do with my life, and I'm afraid I won't be able to do any of it. I should stop worrying. I know God's got a plan for me. But the fear of the unknown is probably my greatest fear, and I definitely don't know how this is all going to pan out.
In the meantime, I just found out that one of my best friends is making a very stupid decision that could potentially ruin the rest of her life, and I'm fairly stressed out about that.
In perspective, my little freshman orientation jitters are nothing compared to what my friend could be up against. My woes have just become even more trivial.
And I'm calm again. Amazing how that works.
If you care to, maybe spare some thoughts or prayers for my friend. I'm pretty sure she's going to have a hard battle ahead of her, and I'm not sure if she can handle it alone.
