I'd Like to Apologize in the Title for the Content of the Following

So...I'm sitting up watching infomercials at 4:30AM.  Don't ask me why...I couldn't possibly give you an answer that wouldn't sound like complete bullshit or make me appear to be a serial killer.  The best thing that I can tell you is that the content on any current infomercial is, in my eyes, the most accurate gauge of the perceived intelligence of our society as a whole.

I mean...think about it. The days of "3 Easy Payments of [insert random monetary value here]"  are over.  At least in those days you were getting yourself a real product, even if you were entering yourself into a payment plan that made absolutely no sense with regards to the actual value of what you were purchasing.  They've taken the old sales adage "sell a bag of shit to a baby" a little too far.  

I'm currently watching a woman whose past plastic surgeries are so obvious that she might as well have filmed the infomercial with her face still wrapped in bandages.  She's selling a product that gets rid of wrinkles.  This is absolutely ridiculous.  The product is essentially a vibrating dildo that you rub on your face to get rid of wrinkles.  How can a dildo get rid of wrinkles?  If you know, please tell me...I am going to lose sleep trying to figure out the answer.  Lucky for me, the next infomercial is probably going to offer a miracle pill that will make me sleep through armageddon without feeling drowsy the next day (side effects may include: rash, nausea, migraines, sudden loss of appetite, vomiting, erectile dysfunction, and sudden death).  Sign me up for that!  

Come on.  Seriously.  People really buy this crap...I'm one of them.  Damn.

Tommy

***For the record:  No 70's Compilation should ever be sold on TV without Andrew Gold's "Lonely Boy"...look it up...it's cheesy in the best way.***