Dear Beyonce, If you were a boy...

I would kick you repeatedly in the balls for this whole experience.  At first, I liked the songs, they were cute and catchy...but now, I've got a bone to pick with you Sasha Fierce!  Every time that I turn on a radio or watch TV, I hear "If I Were A Boy" or whatever that song is where you dance around wearing a bathing suit and a robot hand in the video.

I don't mean to take my frustrations out on you.  It really isn't your fault.  I just feel that this whole Sasha Fierce thing has gone a little too far.  I just saw you on Oprah.  Yes, I watched Oprah...I also wear make-up, jeans that are far too tight to achieve full mobility, and I spend too much time on my hair for any testosterone-producing creature...but I digress.  On Oprah, you spent a large portion of valuable interview time explaining your 'duel personality'.  

I get it.  Being on stage produces an incredible rush of adrenaline that is unlike anything else, but to suggest an alter-ego is pushing it.  I just think that it might be a poor career choice.  Look at what the past has shown us about celebrity doppelgangers...Garth Brooks/Chris Gaines, Mariah Carey/Mimi, Eminem/Slim Shady, Michael Jackson/Skeletor, Damon Wayans/Marlon Wayans (they're different, sure, but I always get them mixed up).  It really only ever worked for David Bowie.  

I think you're talented, and beautiful, and blah, blah, blah.  I think that the two aforementioned tracks are catchy, and, "If I Were a Boy" will probably win a Grammy.  I'm just not digging the new personality thing.  

You're changing...that's cool.

It's not you...it's me.

I just miss Destiny's Child.

 Love,

Tommy